Day 102-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally going home.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Jingle Bell Festival
Day 100------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They call the week before we leave Hell Week. It got it's name because all week we have to clean everything. Under our beds, the walls, the corners of the ceiling, the cracks in the tile, etc, before we can leave for break. I heard that they've held the busses because a dorm couldn't pass inspection. I guess we're supposed to deep clean all week, but since our dorm passed the room inspections yesterday, our staff has been pretty lax. I'm glad, I've been packed since sunday, but this gives me time to repack a few times to make sure everything I need is in my suitcase. I'm bringing a lot of stuff home and leaving it becuase I want to bring a whole bunch of other things back. :-P
That reminds me, I really need to hit the stores. I haven't done any Christmas shopping, including the Secret Santa gifts our family give every year. Not only do I have absolutely no idea what to get, but I have a million people to get gifts for, and it's not like I can go to the store whenever I want. I've tried to make gifts, but that takes me so long because I'm a little OCD about projects. I hate last minute shopping, so I think I'm going to order a lot of things online.
Anyway to get on to the topic of my story, today, as break from Hell Week, we had a half day for trade today. Once we got released and at lunch, I came back to the dorm, showered, changed, and then Karlee and I went out to meet Kevin and Jamie. The four of us then walked down to the Jingle Bell Festival at Rec (even if we didn't want to go, we didn't have a choice). While standing outside in the cold wind for 15 min, we got tired of waiting for the staff to open the doors and let us all in, so our crew walked down to the HER building to BS with mine, and the boy's instructors a bit.
After having a few laughs (Karlee's pretty shy so she didn't say one word, but she was a good sport), we walked back up to Rec and all the students had already been ushered inside and we also rushed in to get out of the cold. There was a raffle that we all put our names in when we walked in the door. The inside of the building was very beautiful, they had set up an electric fireplace with painted bricks to make it look like a chimney. There were pictures with Santa (who was Steve Gardiner), and lots of mini games where you had a chance to win lots of prizes. I didn't win anything, I'm not very good with my hand eye coordination (unless it's darts). So I was getting a little discouraged... then I won an i-Pod! I'm going to go home and put audio books on it and save my purple one that I already have for music. :-) It's a good day in the life of Eli.
They call the week before we leave Hell Week. It got it's name because all week we have to clean everything. Under our beds, the walls, the corners of the ceiling, the cracks in the tile, etc, before we can leave for break. I heard that they've held the busses because a dorm couldn't pass inspection. I guess we're supposed to deep clean all week, but since our dorm passed the room inspections yesterday, our staff has been pretty lax. I'm glad, I've been packed since sunday, but this gives me time to repack a few times to make sure everything I need is in my suitcase. I'm bringing a lot of stuff home and leaving it becuase I want to bring a whole bunch of other things back. :-P
That reminds me, I really need to hit the stores. I haven't done any Christmas shopping, including the Secret Santa gifts our family give every year. Not only do I have absolutely no idea what to get, but I have a million people to get gifts for, and it's not like I can go to the store whenever I want. I've tried to make gifts, but that takes me so long because I'm a little OCD about projects. I hate last minute shopping, so I think I'm going to order a lot of things online.
Anyway to get on to the topic of my story, today, as break from Hell Week, we had a half day for trade today. Once we got released and at lunch, I came back to the dorm, showered, changed, and then Karlee and I went out to meet Kevin and Jamie. The four of us then walked down to the Jingle Bell Festival at Rec (even if we didn't want to go, we didn't have a choice). While standing outside in the cold wind for 15 min, we got tired of waiting for the staff to open the doors and let us all in, so our crew walked down to the HER building to BS with mine, and the boy's instructors a bit.
After having a few laughs (Karlee's pretty shy so she didn't say one word, but she was a good sport), we walked back up to Rec and all the students had already been ushered inside and we also rushed in to get out of the cold. There was a raffle that we all put our names in when we walked in the door. The inside of the building was very beautiful, they had set up an electric fireplace with painted bricks to make it look like a chimney. There were pictures with Santa (who was Steve Gardiner), and lots of mini games where you had a chance to win lots of prizes. I didn't win anything, I'm not very good with my hand eye coordination (unless it's darts). So I was getting a little discouraged... then I won an i-Pod! I'm going to go home and put audio books on it and save my purple one that I already have for music. :-) It's a good day in the life of Eli.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Kevin and Karlee
Day 97------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the 9 inches of snow we got yesterday has almost completely melted. YAY!
I figure it's well about time to tell you about my two closest friends here at Job Corps, Kevin and Karlee.
First off, Kevin is my foreman in trade and he's also Jamie's best friend. He's a pretty big guy, 6ft 5in, very broad, but he's more or less a teddy bear. Just don't piss him off. He's protective and a loyal friend. I look at him like an older brother. I think part of that is because he helped me get into trade. I was so worried that I wouldn't get in, I was even making plans for what would happen if I didn't. But he calmed me down and reassured me over and over again. He was very patient, and I'm grateful he was there.
Karlee used to hate me. Like really hate me. We used to butt heads and I'm pretty sure she used to talk about me behind my back, I sure heard that she did. But then once I got to know her, I kinda started to like her. I was cautious though. I didn't tell her too much becuase I was afraid she might use it against me, you know how girls are. So I got to know her at an arms length. Then she started opening up to me more and more, so I figured it was okay to share some of my life back. Now I've learned we have a lot in common and she's a lot of fun. You almost never see one without the other. I always sit with her and Kevin, sometimes accompanied by Jamie when he shows up for meals. Whenever Kevin isn't around and he's off doing guy things with Jamie, Karlee and I usually hang out together. We talk about everything. Whenever she needs a friend she calls for me, and whenever I need to talk I call for her. I think it's ironic how we started out as enemies, now we're like two peas in a pod. :-)
All the 9 inches of snow we got yesterday has almost completely melted. YAY!
I figure it's well about time to tell you about my two closest friends here at Job Corps, Kevin and Karlee.
First off, Kevin is my foreman in trade and he's also Jamie's best friend. He's a pretty big guy, 6ft 5in, very broad, but he's more or less a teddy bear. Just don't piss him off. He's protective and a loyal friend. I look at him like an older brother. I think part of that is because he helped me get into trade. I was so worried that I wouldn't get in, I was even making plans for what would happen if I didn't. But he calmed me down and reassured me over and over again. He was very patient, and I'm grateful he was there.
Karlee used to hate me. Like really hate me. We used to butt heads and I'm pretty sure she used to talk about me behind my back, I sure heard that she did. But then once I got to know her, I kinda started to like her. I was cautious though. I didn't tell her too much becuase I was afraid she might use it against me, you know how girls are. So I got to know her at an arms length. Then she started opening up to me more and more, so I figured it was okay to share some of my life back. Now I've learned we have a lot in common and she's a lot of fun. You almost never see one without the other. I always sit with her and Kevin, sometimes accompanied by Jamie when he shows up for meals. Whenever Kevin isn't around and he's off doing guy things with Jamie, Karlee and I usually hang out together. We talk about everything. Whenever she needs a friend she calls for me, and whenever I need to talk I call for her. I think it's ironic how we started out as enemies, now we're like two peas in a pod. :-)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Poopy Weather
Day 96----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had just started to get my hopes up because it has been raining and the snow had melted. But I guess I spoke too soon because it started snowing around 1000 and now we have over 3.5 inches out there and it's still comin' down. I was supposed to meet my uncle, Tom, in town at Miners but they cancelled day pass. I was looking forward to seeing him (and not just because he owes me $20 for the Apple Cup bet that I won (I'm still pretty proud of it, I've never really gambled like that before)). He's fun and really good company. It would have been nice to speak to someone I look up to rather than someone I'm forced to listen to. Hear his opinion from the outside.
6 days until I come home. I think the only people I'll really miss over break are Kevin and Karlee (I still need to write a blog about them) and Jamie, but I'm still looking forward to not having a schedule. This place is so repetitious. Get up, make my bed, put my trade clothes on, go to breakfast, come back, do dorm job, grad trade supplies, go to trade. Then after the work day it's go to the dorm, shower, put sweats and a tank top on, go to account, meet Karlee, Kevin, and sometimes Jamie, for dinner, come back to the dorm, put a coat on, go to Rec, workout, come back to the dorm again, shower again, put pajamas on, go back outside to hang out with Jamie, then come in for account and go to bed. EVERY DAY. It's exhausting having a set routine.
I had just started to get my hopes up because it has been raining and the snow had melted. But I guess I spoke too soon because it started snowing around 1000 and now we have over 3.5 inches out there and it's still comin' down. I was supposed to meet my uncle, Tom, in town at Miners but they cancelled day pass. I was looking forward to seeing him (and not just because he owes me $20 for the Apple Cup bet that I won (I'm still pretty proud of it, I've never really gambled like that before)). He's fun and really good company. It would have been nice to speak to someone I look up to rather than someone I'm forced to listen to. Hear his opinion from the outside.
6 days until I come home. I think the only people I'll really miss over break are Kevin and Karlee (I still need to write a blog about them) and Jamie, but I'm still looking forward to not having a schedule. This place is so repetitious. Get up, make my bed, put my trade clothes on, go to breakfast, come back, do dorm job, grad trade supplies, go to trade. Then after the work day it's go to the dorm, shower, put sweats and a tank top on, go to account, meet Karlee, Kevin, and sometimes Jamie, for dinner, come back to the dorm, put a coat on, go to Rec, workout, come back to the dorm again, shower again, put pajamas on, go back outside to hang out with Jamie, then come in for account and go to bed. EVERY DAY. It's exhausting having a set routine.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Guys in Trade / Scott Ferguson / Recreation / SGA
Day 93, 7th Vocational Trade Day-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I'm starting to bond pretty well with the guys. I stay away from the two other girls in trade, I could care less about them. But the guys, well they're the people I need to get along with if I'm going to move up or survive in HER. I get along with all these guys outside of trade but in the workplace it's a totally different atmosphere. You have to be able to crack the right jokes and mess around at the right time and be serious when it's time to work. Ask questions, but not too many. Stand your ground, but know your place. I can tell that I've been doing pretty well. They're starting open up more and more and take me under their wing. When I say they I mean Kevin. He's the foreman. He helped me get into HER. He's kind of like a big brother thing to me. His girlfriend, Karlee, has turned out to be one of my best and loyal friends here also, but that's another story.
Anyway, Kevin has been telling me the dos and don'ts in trade. Everything from safety, to how each instructor works and how to get on their good side. His biggest rule is "Don't act like a dumbass" (his words not mine). Kevin is a very nice guy. He's funny, sensible, caring, and honest. The fact that he's honest is probably why I've put my faith and my position in HER in his hands. I used to rely on him because I really didn't have a choice, but now it's because I trust him.
Another guy is Neuroth. I really don't know him too well outside of trade, but he really knows his stuff, and he's very non judgemental. He's very patient and he takes time to explain to me the projects he's working on, as long as I don't get in the way.
And then of course, there's Jamie. Since there were so many rumors flying after we got back from Thanksgiving, I was afraid to talk to him during trade. I didn't want the instructors to catch wind of anything and start reconsidering whether or not they had made a good decision letting me into trade. But after Jamie and I talked and lots of reassuring from Kevin, I've been able to act normal. It's nice not to feel like I'm walking on thin ice. The instructors haven't said anything and Jamie and I can be friends all the time, instead of just when I think it's safe. Things are starting to flow smoothly and fall into place.
Scott Ferguson, as many of you may already know, is my instructor. When we went off center yesterday, I got to be in his rig with Kevin, Neuroth and some of the other guys in trade. I think Scott learned quite a bit about me and my ability to handle the vulgarity and brutishness that the guys sometimes portray. I think he was impressed with the way I pretty much went right along with it and fit right in. He even let me and another guy, Michael, wrestle in the back seat until he could see that I was losing badly and called it off. After I sulked for a little bit because it was certainly an unmatched fight, I shook it off because I realized that moping is for children and girls. Nobody likes a sore loser.
On the way back I got to ride up front with my instructor. Scott and I talked about hometowns and work, basic small talk. I used to be scared and intimidated by him. I used to tell Jamie he was like God; if he didn't like me and I couldn't win his approval, he was sure to smite me. That more or less means that if he decided that I wasn't worth the effort, he would give me one hell of a hard time and make it difficult for me to graduate from Job Corps with an HER certification. But then I built the confidence and asked him why he called off the fight with me and Cain. He said that he wanted to see if I could hold my own and once he could see I was getting close to boiling point he called it off. Curious, I asked him if I passed. Scott then said that he could see I was stubborn and headstrong and that by the time I got out to with HER I'd stand a chance. Well... not exactly the review I was looking for but I guess I deserved it. I haven't seriously worked out since wrestling season and I'm not as muscle-y or in shape as I was. The good thing is, I'm pretty sure I heard a tone of approval in his voice. I think I'm starting to like this Scott Ferguson guy.
I resigned from the position of Recreation President today. I decided that I really just didn't want to put up with the bull crap anymore. I hated being the bad guy and I got tired of being there everyday. There weren't any rewards for this leadership position and I wasn't helping or building a good bond with any of the students. Besides, I want time to relax and I have a lot of catching up to do in trade, now that I have the opportunity since I got my GED. I'm going to miss Rec and I'll miss feeling important, but in the long run, I'm going to have a whole lot less gray hairs on my head. It was hard being in Rec and not correcting people for swearing or chewing, but it's not my job anymore. And you know what, I feel a hundred times lighter.
From one leadership to another, SGA (Student Government Association) elections are tomorrow. My name is on the ballet under "Vice President". I'm running against Jamie's roommate, David. He's older, been here longer, a male, a top leader in Dorm 4, and he's friends with a lot of people. He'll probably win. And I kind of hope he does. Not sure if I'm quite ready for Vice President of the whole student body. I've only been here three months and I'm just starting to settle. I guess we'll just have to see how things go...
Wish me luck!
I think I'm starting to bond pretty well with the guys. I stay away from the two other girls in trade, I could care less about them. But the guys, well they're the people I need to get along with if I'm going to move up or survive in HER. I get along with all these guys outside of trade but in the workplace it's a totally different atmosphere. You have to be able to crack the right jokes and mess around at the right time and be serious when it's time to work. Ask questions, but not too many. Stand your ground, but know your place. I can tell that I've been doing pretty well. They're starting open up more and more and take me under their wing. When I say they I mean Kevin. He's the foreman. He helped me get into HER. He's kind of like a big brother thing to me. His girlfriend, Karlee, has turned out to be one of my best and loyal friends here also, but that's another story.
Anyway, Kevin has been telling me the dos and don'ts in trade. Everything from safety, to how each instructor works and how to get on their good side. His biggest rule is "Don't act like a dumbass" (his words not mine). Kevin is a very nice guy. He's funny, sensible, caring, and honest. The fact that he's honest is probably why I've put my faith and my position in HER in his hands. I used to rely on him because I really didn't have a choice, but now it's because I trust him.
Another guy is Neuroth. I really don't know him too well outside of trade, but he really knows his stuff, and he's very non judgemental. He's very patient and he takes time to explain to me the projects he's working on, as long as I don't get in the way.
And then of course, there's Jamie. Since there were so many rumors flying after we got back from Thanksgiving, I was afraid to talk to him during trade. I didn't want the instructors to catch wind of anything and start reconsidering whether or not they had made a good decision letting me into trade. But after Jamie and I talked and lots of reassuring from Kevin, I've been able to act normal. It's nice not to feel like I'm walking on thin ice. The instructors haven't said anything and Jamie and I can be friends all the time, instead of just when I think it's safe. Things are starting to flow smoothly and fall into place.
Scott Ferguson, as many of you may already know, is my instructor. When we went off center yesterday, I got to be in his rig with Kevin, Neuroth and some of the other guys in trade. I think Scott learned quite a bit about me and my ability to handle the vulgarity and brutishness that the guys sometimes portray. I think he was impressed with the way I pretty much went right along with it and fit right in. He even let me and another guy, Michael, wrestle in the back seat until he could see that I was losing badly and called it off. After I sulked for a little bit because it was certainly an unmatched fight, I shook it off because I realized that moping is for children and girls. Nobody likes a sore loser.
On the way back I got to ride up front with my instructor. Scott and I talked about hometowns and work, basic small talk. I used to be scared and intimidated by him. I used to tell Jamie he was like God; if he didn't like me and I couldn't win his approval, he was sure to smite me. That more or less means that if he decided that I wasn't worth the effort, he would give me one hell of a hard time and make it difficult for me to graduate from Job Corps with an HER certification. But then I built the confidence and asked him why he called off the fight with me and Cain. He said that he wanted to see if I could hold my own and once he could see I was getting close to boiling point he called it off. Curious, I asked him if I passed. Scott then said that he could see I was stubborn and headstrong and that by the time I got out to with HER I'd stand a chance. Well... not exactly the review I was looking for but I guess I deserved it. I haven't seriously worked out since wrestling season and I'm not as muscle-y or in shape as I was. The good thing is, I'm pretty sure I heard a tone of approval in his voice. I think I'm starting to like this Scott Ferguson guy.
I resigned from the position of Recreation President today. I decided that I really just didn't want to put up with the bull crap anymore. I hated being the bad guy and I got tired of being there everyday. There weren't any rewards for this leadership position and I wasn't helping or building a good bond with any of the students. Besides, I want time to relax and I have a lot of catching up to do in trade, now that I have the opportunity since I got my GED. I'm going to miss Rec and I'll miss feeling important, but in the long run, I'm going to have a whole lot less gray hairs on my head. It was hard being in Rec and not correcting people for swearing or chewing, but it's not my job anymore. And you know what, I feel a hundred times lighter.
From one leadership to another, SGA (Student Government Association) elections are tomorrow. My name is on the ballet under "Vice President". I'm running against Jamie's roommate, David. He's older, been here longer, a male, a top leader in Dorm 4, and he's friends with a lot of people. He'll probably win. And I kind of hope he does. Not sure if I'm quite ready for Vice President of the whole student body. I've only been here three months and I'm just starting to settle. I guess we'll just have to see how things go...
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Cat Keys / Jamie
Day 92, 6thVocational Training Day------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really do have a lot to write about but I've been replying to emails all evening, it's getting late, and it's very cold in the study and I'm not very comfortable so I'll keep it short and sweet. Today, HER went to a Caterpillar (a.k.a. Cat) parts and sales store and all the students got a chance to see all the different variety of equipment that we don't have on base. I was able to name all of them and I was pretty proud of myself because I couldn't have done it a few weeks ago. I also learned the difference between a backhoe, bulldozer, and a front loader (I thought a bulldozer and a front loader were the same thing, oops) Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with all the things I don't know, but I'm learning.
I also got my own pair of Cat keys today, I'm pretty excited. I got a Cat key and a master switch key. The master switch I think basically turns on all your electricity to your machine, and the Cat key is what you need to start your engine. One isn't good without the other. A Cat and a master switch key will work on any Caterpillar machinery, I haven't come across one or heard of one that it won't work on. All the locks are default. I could go to any construction site, jump in a piece of equipment, and have drive away using these keys (not that I would try even if I could somehow get away).
Anyway, Job Corps doesn't supply keys and I had to buy them myself but I couldn't think of the next time I would get the opportunity so I took it. Only $5.13. Yes, that's five dollars and thirteen sense, I was surprised too. :) I feel pretty independent and I had a pretty good day.
I've been trying to keep Jamie focused on his studies because he's always trying to skip school and go to the dorms or trade. He has a hard time in Highschool. He says he can't focus and it gives him headaches. I've been trying to do some research on it but I can't find anything, any possible brain or chemical dysfunctions, that would cause that. So I decided maybe he's just the typical young adult that hates school. All they ever do is sit at a computer all day and answer multiple choice questions anyway. All of it, besides math, is reading and comprehension. Jamie doesn't like to work inside or read because it requires sitting still. So I've been trying to motivate him as much as I can and know how. I figure it's the least I could do since he invited me to Thanksgiving and he's been a really good friend to me.
I've learned a lot about him. We have a lot of the same interests as far as redneck sports and activities go. But our personalities are pretty opposite. I enjoy curling up and reading a book and he can't sit still for a minute. I like to research things before I jump into them, and he likes going straight ahead. Of course, I don't mind doing any of that either. In fact, being and Aries, I LOVE adventure. But at Job Corps I have to be a little cautious. I really like spending time with him. His company is comforting and reminds me a lot of the friends back home and the life I used to have. I feel a little less strange to this place. I'm really glad we're friends.
I really do have a lot to write about but I've been replying to emails all evening, it's getting late, and it's very cold in the study and I'm not very comfortable so I'll keep it short and sweet. Today, HER went to a Caterpillar (a.k.a. Cat) parts and sales store and all the students got a chance to see all the different variety of equipment that we don't have on base. I was able to name all of them and I was pretty proud of myself because I couldn't have done it a few weeks ago. I also learned the difference between a backhoe, bulldozer, and a front loader (I thought a bulldozer and a front loader were the same thing, oops) Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with all the things I don't know, but I'm learning.
I also got my own pair of Cat keys today, I'm pretty excited. I got a Cat key and a master switch key. The master switch I think basically turns on all your electricity to your machine, and the Cat key is what you need to start your engine. One isn't good without the other. A Cat and a master switch key will work on any Caterpillar machinery, I haven't come across one or heard of one that it won't work on. All the locks are default. I could go to any construction site, jump in a piece of equipment, and have drive away using these keys (not that I would try even if I could somehow get away).
Anyway, Job Corps doesn't supply keys and I had to buy them myself but I couldn't think of the next time I would get the opportunity so I took it. Only $5.13. Yes, that's five dollars and thirteen sense, I was surprised too. :) I feel pretty independent and I had a pretty good day.
I've been trying to keep Jamie focused on his studies because he's always trying to skip school and go to the dorms or trade. He has a hard time in Highschool. He says he can't focus and it gives him headaches. I've been trying to do some research on it but I can't find anything, any possible brain or chemical dysfunctions, that would cause that. So I decided maybe he's just the typical young adult that hates school. All they ever do is sit at a computer all day and answer multiple choice questions anyway. All of it, besides math, is reading and comprehension. Jamie doesn't like to work inside or read because it requires sitting still. So I've been trying to motivate him as much as I can and know how. I figure it's the least I could do since he invited me to Thanksgiving and he's been a really good friend to me.
I've learned a lot about him. We have a lot of the same interests as far as redneck sports and activities go. But our personalities are pretty opposite. I enjoy curling up and reading a book and he can't sit still for a minute. I like to research things before I jump into them, and he likes going straight ahead. Of course, I don't mind doing any of that either. In fact, being and Aries, I LOVE adventure. But at Job Corps I have to be a little cautious. I really like spending time with him. His company is comforting and reminds me a lot of the friends back home and the life I used to have. I feel a little less strange to this place. I'm really glad we're friends.
Monday, December 6, 2010
O.S.H.A
Day 91, 5th Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So today in HER (Heavy Equipment Repair, for those of you who are coming late to my blog), we didn't do any hands on work. Instead, we did O.S.H.A training. OSHA stands for Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They create and enforce any and all the rules for any job site. They're kind of like the Supreme Court of health and safety. If another branch can't take care of the problem or they believe it is serious enough, they come in.
Anyway, all we did all day was watch slide shows and take notes. Well, I was the only one who took notes, but still. There are all sorts of abbreviations like PEL; permissible exposure limits. There's many more but I can't remember them all and I don't have time. More tomorrow.
So today in HER (Heavy Equipment Repair, for those of you who are coming late to my blog), we didn't do any hands on work. Instead, we did O.S.H.A training. OSHA stands for Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They create and enforce any and all the rules for any job site. They're kind of like the Supreme Court of health and safety. If another branch can't take care of the problem or they believe it is serious enough, they come in.
Anyway, all we did all day was watch slide shows and take notes. Well, I was the only one who took notes, but still. There are all sorts of abbreviations like PEL; permissible exposure limits. There's many more but I can't remember them all and I don't have time. More tomorrow.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Future
Day 90----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't wait until I'm out of here for good. I can't wait to explore the outside world. I can't wait till I can be without these 200 some eyes watching. I can't wait to be free of judgement. I never want to see this place again. I never want to come back to this. I never want to come back to the feeling of someone trying to bore holes into the back of my head, or someone trying to make me look like a fool.
I don't want you to doubt me, because I already doubt myself. And I don't want you to judge wrongly of me, because these people already do. All of the people here, minus a select few, are just rocks on a mountain; they believe they can never be moved and that they are on top of the world, but eventually they will all crumble and fall. We (I and the select few who have banded together to try and make it through this place with only friendship and desperation), however, are like diamonds in the rough; waiting just below the surface for someone to take notice and free us from the rubble until we have the chance to shine with brilliance.
I can't wait for the future. I can't wait to be apart of the world again. I can't wait to share myself with people who will actually appreciate the human being that God and I have created together. I can't wait to experience true friendship.
I am excited to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have double standards or hypocritical ideas of the world. I am excited to know how people without mental instabilities are like. I am excited to see one human interact with another human because they honestly enjoy the another's company, not because they are so utterly desperate for conversation.
I want a normal life. I want to have a normal cup of coffee, with a normal group of people, and a normal little coffee shop, on a normal street corner, where we can watch all the normal people go about their normal day.
I want quiet. I want my own quiet room, with my own quiet bed, with my own quiet music, with my own quiet book.
But out of all these desires, excitements and wants, all I really wish for is...
a little
moment of
peace.
I can't wait until I'm out of here for good. I can't wait to explore the outside world. I can't wait till I can be without these 200 some eyes watching. I can't wait to be free of judgement. I never want to see this place again. I never want to come back to this. I never want to come back to the feeling of someone trying to bore holes into the back of my head, or someone trying to make me look like a fool.
I don't want you to doubt me, because I already doubt myself. And I don't want you to judge wrongly of me, because these people already do. All of the people here, minus a select few, are just rocks on a mountain; they believe they can never be moved and that they are on top of the world, but eventually they will all crumble and fall. We (I and the select few who have banded together to try and make it through this place with only friendship and desperation), however, are like diamonds in the rough; waiting just below the surface for someone to take notice and free us from the rubble until we have the chance to shine with brilliance.
I can't wait for the future. I can't wait to be apart of the world again. I can't wait to share myself with people who will actually appreciate the human being that God and I have created together. I can't wait to experience true friendship.
I am excited to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have double standards or hypocritical ideas of the world. I am excited to know how people without mental instabilities are like. I am excited to see one human interact with another human because they honestly enjoy the another's company, not because they are so utterly desperate for conversation.
I want a normal life. I want to have a normal cup of coffee, with a normal group of people, and a normal little coffee shop, on a normal street corner, where we can watch all the normal people go about their normal day.
I want quiet. I want my own quiet room, with my own quiet bed, with my own quiet music, with my own quiet book.
But out of all these desires, excitements and wants, all I really wish for is...
a little
moment of
peace.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Apple Cup / Writer's Block
Day 89---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kickoff starts at 1600 hrs! I'm betting on the huskies! Uncle Tom owes me 20 bucks if they win. :-)
It's snowing again. Not very excited. Sorry if my writing is a little short and random. I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately and I'm kind of scatter brained. I think I'm ancy for winter break.
I got Daddy's Christmas present the other day. It was the perfect gift; insulated coveralls for work. I can't wait until Monday so I can show them off during trade.
I don't know why I'm so blank. My fingers are wanting to move across the keyboard but my brain is not spouting out any new information!
Kickoff starts at 1600 hrs! I'm betting on the huskies! Uncle Tom owes me 20 bucks if they win. :-)
It's snowing again. Not very excited. Sorry if my writing is a little short and random. I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately and I'm kind of scatter brained. I think I'm ancy for winter break.
I got Daddy's Christmas present the other day. It was the perfect gift; insulated coveralls for work. I can't wait until Monday so I can show them off during trade.
I don't know why I'm so blank. My fingers are wanting to move across the keyboard but my brain is not spouting out any new information!
Friday, December 3, 2010
G.E.D.
Day 88--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On December 2, 2010, I completed my G.E.D with a 668 average which places me in about the 97th percentile. That means that out of 100 high school graduating seniors, I outranked 97 of them. I guess that kind of makes sense because even though I didn't get the 700 average that I wanted (which would've been the new high score) I got the third highest score in the G.E.D. since '08. Still pretty bummed about not achieving my goal but at least I got my G.E.D. :-/
On December 2, 2010, I completed my G.E.D with a 668 average which places me in about the 97th percentile. That means that out of 100 high school graduating seniors, I outranked 97 of them. I guess that kind of makes sense because even though I didn't get the 700 average that I wanted (which would've been the new high score) I got the third highest score in the G.E.D. since '08. Still pretty bummed about not achieving my goal but at least I got my G.E.D. :-/
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Warmth
Day 86--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yay! The snow has been melting all day! I even went outside without a long sleeve undershirt and two jackets, just a t-shirt (which is really over exaggerating how warm it was outside, but I was too excited to care). Only sad thing is that our warmth is to be short-lived. I heard that a storm is supposed to come in and it's supposed to snow from this friday to next. Whoop-dee-doo, I'm so excited (hear the sarcasm? ...Well, no, I guess you can't because it's in writing but you get the idea).
So Daddy sent me something in the mail... still waiting for it. He wouldn't tell me what it was, must be a surprise. Must be a Christmas present. I love Christmas! I love the lights and the songs and the bells. I love the colors and the eggnog and the cookies. I love warm fires and cocoa. Oh, I can't wait to come home! I can't wait to smell my living room and pet my dog, Harry Potter (yes, my dog's name is named after a wizard), and cuddle with my cat, Ivy. Our ancient cat, Kitty, who is more of an expensive couch pillow we pick up after than a cat, likes to meow when her food bowl get's low. Harry likes to bark at anything with legs. Both used to drive me crazy, but now I can't wait to hear them again. I want to smell mud and pine on my clothes. I want to see green things, not this awful brown which is now an endless white.
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the tree tops stay green,
And children are listening
To hear the raindrops overflow
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas,
With every blog post that I write
May your days be merry and bright.
Please don't this Christmas be white.
Yay! The snow has been melting all day! I even went outside without a long sleeve undershirt and two jackets, just a t-shirt (which is really over exaggerating how warm it was outside, but I was too excited to care). Only sad thing is that our warmth is to be short-lived. I heard that a storm is supposed to come in and it's supposed to snow from this friday to next. Whoop-dee-doo, I'm so excited (hear the sarcasm? ...Well, no, I guess you can't because it's in writing but you get the idea).
So Daddy sent me something in the mail... still waiting for it. He wouldn't tell me what it was, must be a surprise. Must be a Christmas present. I love Christmas! I love the lights and the songs and the bells. I love the colors and the eggnog and the cookies. I love warm fires and cocoa. Oh, I can't wait to come home! I can't wait to smell my living room and pet my dog, Harry Potter (yes, my dog's name is named after a wizard), and cuddle with my cat, Ivy. Our ancient cat, Kitty, who is more of an expensive couch pillow we pick up after than a cat, likes to meow when her food bowl get's low. Harry likes to bark at anything with legs. Both used to drive me crazy, but now I can't wait to hear them again. I want to smell mud and pine on my clothes. I want to see green things, not this awful brown which is now an endless white.
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the tree tops stay green,
And children are listening
To hear the raindrops overflow
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas,
With every blog post that I write
May your days be merry and bright.
Please don't this Christmas be white.
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