The Story - Part 2

Day 141--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sorry everyone, I didn't get a chance to finish where I left off a few days ago. Busy, busy, busy.


So after the sweet, yet confusing, encounter with Jamie, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk on the track. Now the track is our special place. It's where we go when we need to get away from everyone. The thing is, we hadn't been on the track since we arrived, much less shared much more than small talk.

Anyway, I agreed and he took my hand and led me outside. I was so astonished that I didn't know what to say. I had a million questions running through my head. I was so angry at him for being so distant for so long, but I was so happy that he was finally showing interest. I wanted to yell and scream at him for making me feel so small and insecure, yet I wanted to just melt into his arms and pretend nothing happened.

Instead, I started a casual conversation, asking him how he was. I didn't know what else to do. After a few attempts of failed small talk, on my end and his, I finally couldn't bear it. I stopped walking and I looked at him. I said, "Do you have any idea how I've felt the past couple weeks? Can you even grasp how lonely I was? I have never felt so utterly helpless in my entire life". All he could say was, "Yeah... I know".

I told him that I had every intention on breaking it off with him that night. And I said I wouldn't have done it happily, but I would do what I needed to take care of myself. That is what I came here for in the first place. I also said that I had heard that he didn't even want to be with me anymore; the only reason he hadn't broken it off was because he didn't want to break my heart. That's what really got to me and finalized my decision. I wasn't about to stand around while everyone watch me being jerked around, and I ceratinly wasn't going to be another teenage girl statistic who would fall to pieces if her boyfriend of 2 months didn't want a relationship anymore.

When he heard that he said that the first bit was true, he hadn't wanted to be with me for a while. He said that he had wanted space and I was pushing the issue too much. He felt smothered and wasn't comfortable anymore. But when he found out Karlee had been encouraging my behavior, he had softened and realized that the feelings he had for me were something he felt he needed to invest more time in. If he wanted to break up with me, he would have. And I believe it.

So after a long talk and a couple of make up kisses and some laughs, it seemed like nothing had changed. Like the past several days had all just been a simple nightmare and I just had to wait until the light of the day broke through. Jamie explained to me that he was upset that he had to come back to Job Corps and he was worried about his mom. She had always been a simple drive or a phone call away, now she was all the way in Haiti and he hadn't heard from her since she left. He had no idea how to get ahold of her and he was simply dealing with his stress the only way he knew how. Jamie learned how to take care of himself his whole life and he said he wasn't going to be able to change that anytime soon.


I said okay. If that's the way it needs to be for him then fine.
And so we lived happily ever after. THE END.




If only.



Yes, the past few days have been great, amazing in fact. He's been so devoted and open. He asks me when he would see me again at the end of a work day, instead of the other way around. He holds my hand, sends me texts, shares his soda, kisses me even though I'm sick (Yes, I'm sick right now. Common cold. Icky).

But there's something that still gets to me...

You know, they say that women are attacted to men who are similar to their fathers. What does that have anything to do with Jamie? He has straight blond hair, very white, blue eyes, stocky, athletic. And my dad is dark skinned, curly dark brown hair (if he had any), brown eyes, and he's a big guy. Opposites, huh? But there is one thing in common-

Jamie never said he was sorry.

After everything. After everything I felt he put me through. All the sadness and loneliness and aggravating guilt. I never got an apology.

Wow. So much like Daddy.

But I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. I want this to work and I'm going to trust him. I have to.