Day 84----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since 'Eli' is the person I have become while attending Fort Simcoe Job Corps and is also the main character of the life I have been continuously rewriting, I thought Moments in the Life of Eli would be an appropriate blog title. It's funny how it took me almost 3 months of being 'Eli' to figure out what I wanted to name my blog.*
I won't always be called Eli and I think that the most vital 'Eli' phase will be held here at Job Corps. I plan on continuing my blogging over the next stages of my life, every stage becoming a new blog relating to the environment and adventure I will be thrown into. But for now, while this part of my life is still unfolding, this blog shall be the beholder of all my thoughts, sorrows, and pleasures.
*I considered The Book of Eli but that seemed too cheesy since there has already been a movie about that.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thanksgiving Weekend / Personal Struggle
Day 83----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Pretty slow and not much to talk about, but I had fun with Jamie and his family. His mom really liked me and she said I'm an excellent house guest and that I am certainly welcome anytime. I met some of Jamie's friends and we stayed out until about 10 or 11. Don't worry we didn't do anything illegal. :P
Jamie and I had a really good time. We stayed up late watching movies and drinking hot cocoa with peppermint ice cream. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and get to know how he is in the real world, instead of only seeing Job Corps behavior. It was very relaxing and turns out that we may be the only sane people at Fort Simcoe. I'm very grateful that he invited me for the holiday; I really needed to get away.
I hated to come back today. I don't like it here, the emotional atmosphere is depressing to the soul. I'm finding that it's very easy to slip back into the place of darkness that I was stuck in for almost 2 1/2 months. I'm up and down. I'm afraid that I really may have bipolar / hypomania disorder. I don't know why I'm so anxious all the time. I'm in trade, I've almost comepleted G.E.D., and I've made my impression on the staff that I am a good student and can be trusted. I AM O-K-A-Y! If I repeat that over and over to myself it makes me feel a bit better. I have to remind myself that I have found solid ground. All the peices are falling into place as they should. Relax, everything is going to be alright. Remember everything is as it should be. I am okay.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Pretty slow and not much to talk about, but I had fun with Jamie and his family. His mom really liked me and she said I'm an excellent house guest and that I am certainly welcome anytime. I met some of Jamie's friends and we stayed out until about 10 or 11. Don't worry we didn't do anything illegal. :P
Jamie and I had a really good time. We stayed up late watching movies and drinking hot cocoa with peppermint ice cream. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and get to know how he is in the real world, instead of only seeing Job Corps behavior. It was very relaxing and turns out that we may be the only sane people at Fort Simcoe. I'm very grateful that he invited me for the holiday; I really needed to get away.
I hated to come back today. I don't like it here, the emotional atmosphere is depressing to the soul. I'm finding that it's very easy to slip back into the place of darkness that I was stuck in for almost 2 1/2 months. I'm up and down. I'm afraid that I really may have bipolar / hypomania disorder. I don't know why I'm so anxious all the time. I'm in trade, I've almost comepleted G.E.D., and I've made my impression on the staff that I am a good student and can be trusted. I AM O-K-A-Y! If I repeat that over and over to myself it makes me feel a bit better. I have to remind myself that I have found solid ground. All the peices are falling into place as they should. Relax, everything is going to be alright. Remember everything is as it should be. I am okay.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Cold
Day 78, 3rd Vocational Training Day---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More snow. We got about a total of 7 inches last night and accumulated about 1 or 2 more inches today. It's damn cold. I love you, Ma, for the hot packs, but they're so old they only last about 4 hours, not the 10 they are supposed to last for. We shoveled snow for the first two hours of trade today and, once we were finished, put tires and hustled to make our work site and the center as safe as possible. It's very slick out. I haven't seen snow in 24 months (Sequim was without snow last winter) and I clearly have lost my 'snow feet'. I've fallen on my butt several times and my tail bone has the bruises to prove it. It's about -4 right now. I'm gonna die.
I'm very excited to go away for Thanksgiving. Leaving tomorrow at 2pm. Thank the Lord. Warmth and no responsibilities.
More snow. We got about a total of 7 inches last night and accumulated about 1 or 2 more inches today. It's damn cold. I love you, Ma, for the hot packs, but they're so old they only last about 4 hours, not the 10 they are supposed to last for. We shoveled snow for the first two hours of trade today and, once we were finished, put tires and hustled to make our work site and the center as safe as possible. It's very slick out. I haven't seen snow in 24 months (Sequim was without snow last winter) and I clearly have lost my 'snow feet'. I've fallen on my butt several times and my tail bone has the bruises to prove it. It's about -4 right now. I'm gonna die.
I'm very excited to go away for Thanksgiving. Leaving tomorrow at 2pm. Thank the Lord. Warmth and no responsibilities.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Frostbit
Day 77, 2nd Vocational Training Day--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been snowing all day and it hasn't reached above 32 degrees. I was not prepared today. We had to stand outside and make sure that all the machines were running. This means doing your five fluid checks; diesel fluid, engine oil, transmission oil, hydraulic oil, and coolant. Then we had to climb up, sit in an open cab (or a closed one with no heater), then pray the engine starts, and turn the key. If the engine starts then you get to sit in the cold for 10 - 15 min and warm it up. If not, then you get to climb down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. No breaks, no warm ups, just outside all day. I was not wearing enough layers and my legs are frostbitten. Since the warehouse is out of long underwear, I'm going to wear pajamas, sweats, and jeans tomorrow. I am NOT going to freeze my ass off for eight hours again.
It has been snowing all day and it hasn't reached above 32 degrees. I was not prepared today. We had to stand outside and make sure that all the machines were running. This means doing your five fluid checks; diesel fluid, engine oil, transmission oil, hydraulic oil, and coolant. Then we had to climb up, sit in an open cab (or a closed one with no heater), then pray the engine starts, and turn the key. If the engine starts then you get to sit in the cold for 10 - 15 min and warm it up. If not, then you get to climb down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. No breaks, no warm ups, just outside all day. I was not wearing enough layers and my legs are frostbitten. Since the warehouse is out of long underwear, I'm going to wear pajamas, sweats, and jeans tomorrow. I am NOT going to freeze my ass off for eight hours again.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Winter
Day 76-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winter is here at Fort Simcoe. We got a light dusting of snow last night and we're expected to get 1 to 3 inches again tonight. I'm pretty excited. I love snow! I'm like a little kid in a candy store right now. I'm all bundled up, walking around with the heat packs Mom sent, my scarf wrapped so tight, and my beanie pulled down so far down my ears that all you can see is my eyes. I feel like an Eskimo. :-)
I finally have an excuse to listen to Christmas music (thank God, I've only been waiting since August).
I went on Day Pass yesterday. Every Saturday you have an opportunity to go on Day Pass and they take a bus into Yakima to the mall or Walmart. Anyway, I went to the mall looking for shoes and tights to go with my brown dress for Thanksgiving. Now I really hate shopping. I always have an idea about what I want, but no idea where to start looking. So yesterday, I gathered all the shopping sense I had and stopped at Payless Shoes first. I didn't want to spend a million bucks on a pair of shoes I would wear maybe twice a year. As I was looking through the selections I started feeling really hopeless. Oh my goodness, why in the world are there so many designs?? Of course I have no idea whats in style or what might be too much, you know? And every time I put on a pair of heels I could hear my toes screaming. Why in the world do women torture themselves to look 'classy'? I figured I was asking too much to find an 9 1/2W that didn't make my feet look like Frodo Baggins'. I tried to cram my feet into all kinds of 8s and 8 1/2s. Yeah, wasn't going to happen. I was so frustrated I almost gave up, but I decided to take a shot in the big foot section. As I was carelessly scanning the rows and rows of impractical shoes, I spotted a sticker that was out of place and said '9 1/2W'. No way. Next to this sticker was another bright yellow sticker that said '$10'. Oh my gosh! The label on the box noted 'dark brown, two inch heel'. You gotta be freakin kidding me! I took the lid off the box and I swear the ceiling opened, the skies parted, angels sang, and heaven shone down on this pair of shoes. I put them on and they were perfect. I snatched them up and took them to the front counter and the girl asked me if wanted socks or something for half price! I asked for some tights and she picked out the last pair of matching brown ones. I was so excited! I got the finished touches to my outfit for 15 bucks and all under 15min. (Yeah I know, I make it seem like I was in the store forever, but 15 minutes is a long time for this redneck).
After my success at the shoe store I went looking for a present for Jamie's mom, Dawn. My mom told me I should go empty handed and she was right. I knew that Dawn liked quilting and art so I went looking for an arts and crafts store. I never did find one (then again I wasn't putting much effort into looking, I'm so helpless in a mall), but I did see a BIG sign that said 'Up to 50% OFF all FRAMED PAINTINGS'. I was curious so I took the escalator and went to take a look. There were some really beautiful pieces that reminded me of home and the rodeo. It was hard to tell on a few pieces whether it had been painted or photographed. After I was done admiring I was about to walk out when I saw a painting of a farm house with a quote; "Families are stitched together with memories". There were fields surrounding the farm house that had been painted to look like a quited blanket. Wow, that's perfect. I frowned when I saw the price though. It was 88 bucks. Damn. Too bad. Then the salesman came up behind me, I guess noticing my interest and said, "I can lower this one to about $35". I gave him a look that must have been pretty silly since he furrowed his brow and gave me a frown. I quickly recovered and told him that I'd take it. Tax came to about 5$ but I thought it was still a good deal. He seemed eager to get rid of it, which made me wonder if I had made a wise choice, but I'm still happy with my purchase, and I figured he was just happy to get it off the wall. I was afraid it might be too big of a gift for not only is it a rather large painting, but it also wasn't some cheapo Hallmark 'thank you' card. So I called Mom to get some reassurance and she said the gift was very classy and I did I good job. Yay!
After I got all my shopping done, I found a Hurricane Coffee (Tully's, for those of you in different areas), ordered a white peppermint mocha (it must of been the best I've ever had), and a heated cinnamon roll. I then found a comfy couch in the corner where I wouldn't be bothered, curled up with my holiday coffee and pastry, and got a whole 2 hours to enjoy my book. They were even playing Christmas music inside the lounge! I definitely had a perfect day at the mall. :)
Winter is here at Fort Simcoe. We got a light dusting of snow last night and we're expected to get 1 to 3 inches again tonight. I'm pretty excited. I love snow! I'm like a little kid in a candy store right now. I'm all bundled up, walking around with the heat packs Mom sent, my scarf wrapped so tight, and my beanie pulled down so far down my ears that all you can see is my eyes. I feel like an Eskimo. :-)
I finally have an excuse to listen to Christmas music (thank God, I've only been waiting since August).
I went on Day Pass yesterday. Every Saturday you have an opportunity to go on Day Pass and they take a bus into Yakima to the mall or Walmart. Anyway, I went to the mall looking for shoes and tights to go with my brown dress for Thanksgiving. Now I really hate shopping. I always have an idea about what I want, but no idea where to start looking. So yesterday, I gathered all the shopping sense I had and stopped at Payless Shoes first. I didn't want to spend a million bucks on a pair of shoes I would wear maybe twice a year. As I was looking through the selections I started feeling really hopeless. Oh my goodness, why in the world are there so many designs?? Of course I have no idea whats in style or what might be too much, you know? And every time I put on a pair of heels I could hear my toes screaming. Why in the world do women torture themselves to look 'classy'? I figured I was asking too much to find an 9 1/2W that didn't make my feet look like Frodo Baggins'. I tried to cram my feet into all kinds of 8s and 8 1/2s. Yeah, wasn't going to happen. I was so frustrated I almost gave up, but I decided to take a shot in the big foot section. As I was carelessly scanning the rows and rows of impractical shoes, I spotted a sticker that was out of place and said '9 1/2W'. No way. Next to this sticker was another bright yellow sticker that said '$10'. Oh my gosh! The label on the box noted 'dark brown, two inch heel'. You gotta be freakin kidding me! I took the lid off the box and I swear the ceiling opened, the skies parted, angels sang, and heaven shone down on this pair of shoes. I put them on and they were perfect. I snatched them up and took them to the front counter and the girl asked me if wanted socks or something for half price! I asked for some tights and she picked out the last pair of matching brown ones. I was so excited! I got the finished touches to my outfit for 15 bucks and all under 15min. (Yeah I know, I make it seem like I was in the store forever, but 15 minutes is a long time for this redneck).
After my success at the shoe store I went looking for a present for Jamie's mom, Dawn. My mom told me I should go empty handed and she was right. I knew that Dawn liked quilting and art so I went looking for an arts and crafts store. I never did find one (then again I wasn't putting much effort into looking, I'm so helpless in a mall), but I did see a BIG sign that said 'Up to 50% OFF all FRAMED PAINTINGS'. I was curious so I took the escalator and went to take a look. There were some really beautiful pieces that reminded me of home and the rodeo. It was hard to tell on a few pieces whether it had been painted or photographed. After I was done admiring I was about to walk out when I saw a painting of a farm house with a quote; "Families are stitched together with memories". There were fields surrounding the farm house that had been painted to look like a quited blanket. Wow, that's perfect. I frowned when I saw the price though. It was 88 bucks. Damn. Too bad. Then the salesman came up behind me, I guess noticing my interest and said, "I can lower this one to about $35". I gave him a look that must have been pretty silly since he furrowed his brow and gave me a frown. I quickly recovered and told him that I'd take it. Tax came to about 5$ but I thought it was still a good deal. He seemed eager to get rid of it, which made me wonder if I had made a wise choice, but I'm still happy with my purchase, and I figured he was just happy to get it off the wall. I was afraid it might be too big of a gift for not only is it a rather large painting, but it also wasn't some cheapo Hallmark 'thank you' card. So I called Mom to get some reassurance and she said the gift was very classy and I did I good job. Yay!
After I got all my shopping done, I found a Hurricane Coffee (Tully's, for those of you in different areas), ordered a white peppermint mocha (it must of been the best I've ever had), and a heated cinnamon roll. I then found a comfy couch in the corner where I wouldn't be bothered, curled up with my holiday coffee and pastry, and got a whole 2 hours to enjoy my book. They were even playing Christmas music inside the lounge! I definitely had a perfect day at the mall. :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Lost
Day 74------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't written in a week, as many of you may have noticed. I have been very stressed and I have been making every problem that has come my way a thousand times bigger than it needs to be. I've been an oversensitive, serious, workaholic more and more since I got to Job Corps. My work loads have been far too large and I have been trying to take on the world. I might have potential to be a very successful person, but I've just been doing to much and the only person that brought all this distress on me, was myself. Every other thing brought me to tears, I didn't find jokes funny, teasing upset me, and too much attention from people drove me crazy, but not enough made me lonely. I constantly felt like someone was going to try and stab me in the back. I felt like I was walking on thin ice, like any moment I would screw up and that would be the end.
But this is what had happened; I had forgot who I was. I was becoming a person that everyone else had invented. If someone thought something about me, I usually ended up looking foolish trying to prove them wrong, and they ended up looking like they were right. I was caring too much. Yes, take into consideration the way the world looks at you, but don't strive upon it.
The night before last my 'Vice' Rec President, Sterling Fosnow, quit because I was overdoing my job as 'President'. I was acting as if he was lesser and putting the workload on him if I couldn't make time in my schedule because I was busy doing another 'more important' project. I now realize I was certainly in the wrong. I think I was trying to beat him down, like I wanted to be the one in the spot light and I didn't like the competition.
Anyway, I told my Rec boss that Sterling had quit and he automatically asked, "Was it because of you?"
"... damn, he's good," I thought.
I then told him, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. I guess he just couldn't handle me. I'm just too full of awesomeness."
Of course the only reason that I answered like that was to hide my own insecurities (which I'm totally over now by the way). So our bosses sat me down to hear my side, then the same to Sterling for his side, and then they brought us both in and gave us their feedback.
Long story short, they told me that I shouldn't have been treating him the way I was and I should have his back when students throw him attitude. My Rec bosses didn't say anything that I didn't already know, but for some reason I was stuck in some twisted world of self-righteousness. I wouldn't, couldn't, admit that they were right and I accused them of picking on me. I then scrambled for some excuse to rectify my childish behavior.
That's about when I asked to be excused because I knew I was making a fool of myself and tears were starting to well up underneath my eyelids. As soon as I stepped out of the Recreation doors, my tears, full of rage and frustration, poured down my face. Who was that person? That's not me. Where did I go? I'm not happy anymore. How come am I not happy? What happened? Why am I so lost??
I walked as fast as I could back to the dorms. When I opened the front door and walked down the hall to my room, I kept my hood on and my head down so no one would see me cry. I jammed my room key into the lock and swung the door open. Thank God my roommate, Michelle, wasn't there. The last thing I wanted was to see anyone. I threw my jacket against the wall and flopped onto my bed. I wept into my pillow until I got tired of feeling sorry for myself. Rolled over and just stared at the ceiling. I remembered how someone once told me that when you're at a loss place yourself in the corner (figuratively speaking), take a step back, and take note of everything you see.
So while I was laying in the dark I did just that. I placed myself in the corner and began to record just the person I had become. This is what I saw; a sad, nervous, innocent, modest, serious, quiet, 16 year old girl, who had no street smarts, a lack for sense of humor, and was not able to handle the pressure that comes from a close knit society.
"Who is that?" I thought. Everything that I was had almost been totally wiped away. I wasn't the laid back, headstrong, boisterous, and tough young woman that I was back home. I wanted people to listen because I was respected, not pitied. I wanted to be tested, not expected to do well. I wanted to be appreciated, not taken for granted. I wanted to be ME, not a girl that everyone had made assumptions about, a girl everyone had made up.
I used to think that it would be fun to go somewhere where no one knew you so you could rewrite your life, no one would know any better. But after I hit rock bottom, after I'd finally lost my grip on my 'reality', I realized that I didn't have anything to hide. I am the way I am because that is who I am. I remembered that I don't have to prove myself to the rest of the world to be brilliant or special, I'm already that way. I like being confident and feeling unstoppable, invincible even. That is me!
So I have since redefined myself and quite frankly, I've never felt better. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm laughing and able to joke with my friends and tease them. Whatever hole I was stuck in I've climbed out of (with the help of a few special people). I wasn't sure what was going to happen there for a while. But as of right now, I'm pretty sure I don't really give a damn. I'm just going to do my best and have fun doing it. What's the point of life if you aren't going to have fun living it?! There isn't enough time to wallow and everyday should be a day of celebration. I can tell you this; as long as I never have to go back to that pit of hopelessness and despair, I'll celebrate everyday of my life.
I really missed me.
I haven't written in a week, as many of you may have noticed. I have been very stressed and I have been making every problem that has come my way a thousand times bigger than it needs to be. I've been an oversensitive, serious, workaholic more and more since I got to Job Corps. My work loads have been far too large and I have been trying to take on the world. I might have potential to be a very successful person, but I've just been doing to much and the only person that brought all this distress on me, was myself. Every other thing brought me to tears, I didn't find jokes funny, teasing upset me, and too much attention from people drove me crazy, but not enough made me lonely. I constantly felt like someone was going to try and stab me in the back. I felt like I was walking on thin ice, like any moment I would screw up and that would be the end.
But this is what had happened; I had forgot who I was. I was becoming a person that everyone else had invented. If someone thought something about me, I usually ended up looking foolish trying to prove them wrong, and they ended up looking like they were right. I was caring too much. Yes, take into consideration the way the world looks at you, but don't strive upon it.
The night before last my 'Vice' Rec President, Sterling Fosnow, quit because I was overdoing my job as 'President'. I was acting as if he was lesser and putting the workload on him if I couldn't make time in my schedule because I was busy doing another 'more important' project. I now realize I was certainly in the wrong. I think I was trying to beat him down, like I wanted to be the one in the spot light and I didn't like the competition.
Anyway, I told my Rec boss that Sterling had quit and he automatically asked, "Was it because of you?"
"... damn, he's good," I thought.
I then told him, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. I guess he just couldn't handle me. I'm just too full of awesomeness."
Of course the only reason that I answered like that was to hide my own insecurities (which I'm totally over now by the way). So our bosses sat me down to hear my side, then the same to Sterling for his side, and then they brought us both in and gave us their feedback.
Long story short, they told me that I shouldn't have been treating him the way I was and I should have his back when students throw him attitude. My Rec bosses didn't say anything that I didn't already know, but for some reason I was stuck in some twisted world of self-righteousness. I wouldn't, couldn't, admit that they were right and I accused them of picking on me. I then scrambled for some excuse to rectify my childish behavior.
That's about when I asked to be excused because I knew I was making a fool of myself and tears were starting to well up underneath my eyelids. As soon as I stepped out of the Recreation doors, my tears, full of rage and frustration, poured down my face. Who was that person? That's not me. Where did I go? I'm not happy anymore. How come am I not happy? What happened? Why am I so lost??
I walked as fast as I could back to the dorms. When I opened the front door and walked down the hall to my room, I kept my hood on and my head down so no one would see me cry. I jammed my room key into the lock and swung the door open. Thank God my roommate, Michelle, wasn't there. The last thing I wanted was to see anyone. I threw my jacket against the wall and flopped onto my bed. I wept into my pillow until I got tired of feeling sorry for myself. Rolled over and just stared at the ceiling. I remembered how someone once told me that when you're at a loss place yourself in the corner (figuratively speaking), take a step back, and take note of everything you see.
So while I was laying in the dark I did just that. I placed myself in the corner and began to record just the person I had become. This is what I saw; a sad, nervous, innocent, modest, serious, quiet, 16 year old girl, who had no street smarts, a lack for sense of humor, and was not able to handle the pressure that comes from a close knit society.
"Who is that?" I thought. Everything that I was had almost been totally wiped away. I wasn't the laid back, headstrong, boisterous, and tough young woman that I was back home. I wanted people to listen because I was respected, not pitied. I wanted to be tested, not expected to do well. I wanted to be appreciated, not taken for granted. I wanted to be ME, not a girl that everyone had made assumptions about, a girl everyone had made up.
I used to think that it would be fun to go somewhere where no one knew you so you could rewrite your life, no one would know any better. But after I hit rock bottom, after I'd finally lost my grip on my 'reality', I realized that I didn't have anything to hide. I am the way I am because that is who I am. I remembered that I don't have to prove myself to the rest of the world to be brilliant or special, I'm already that way. I like being confident and feeling unstoppable, invincible even. That is me!
So I have since redefined myself and quite frankly, I've never felt better. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm laughing and able to joke with my friends and tease them. Whatever hole I was stuck in I've climbed out of (with the help of a few special people). I wasn't sure what was going to happen there for a while. But as of right now, I'm pretty sure I don't really give a damn. I'm just going to do my best and have fun doing it. What's the point of life if you aren't going to have fun living it?! There isn't enough time to wallow and everyday should be a day of celebration. I can tell you this; as long as I never have to go back to that pit of hopelessness and despair, I'll celebrate everyday of my life.
I really missed me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
November 12, 2010
*I'm catching up for the blog I did not have time to write on friday*
November 12, 2010
Day 67, 1st Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I ended up having a pretty good day. I was really nervous because it was my first day officially in trade. My head instructor, Scott Ferguson, kind of scares me a little bit. He wasn't there today and I am very grateful, it only would have added more pressure on me.
I have already made several friends who are in H.E.R., and they quickly got me involved in a project. I was a little reluctant at first, afraid I would break something or mess up, but they insisted and explained that the only way I would really learn is if I tried it. So even though I didn't understand most of the stuff I was fixing, they coached me through it and we managed to get it done.
I learned all about brakes on heavy machinery because we replaced... um... well I can't remember exactly what it was called, but it was a little thingy that was attached to the air tank for the brakes. It's supposed to pop at about 175 psi* but it was popping off at 135 psi which is way too early. It has something to do with safety. I can't remember exactly what it prevents, why, or how it works, but if you told me to fix it, I would remember how to put it together and I could do it again. Besides, that's what I have a whole 21 months and 3 weeks for; to figure out the details.
We also fixed a hydraulic hose that moved a part on something. I can't explain it to you but I could show you what it did.
On another note, since Jamie and I are in the same trade, we can't act like we are romantically interested in one another, or basically anything other than acquaintances, especially if there are rumors going around saying that we are. Trade related relationships are highly frowned upon, and although I don't know what the punishment is, it could very well be removal from vocational training in that area. So Jamie and I spoke very few words to each other. In fact, I counted them and he only spoke ten words to me in the whole day, this includes earlier this morning before trade hours. I asked him where the tape measure was and he said, " I dunno* but I think I know where one is". Ha, wow, what a conversation. I know that he is pretty serious when he is working, and even if we weren't trying to watch our backs he would still act the same, but somehow it still hurt my feelings just a little.
*PSI means 'punds per square inch'
*'dunno' is slang for 'don't know'. He said it just like that too, so it counts as one, instead of two, words.
November 12, 2010
Day 67, 1st Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I ended up having a pretty good day. I was really nervous because it was my first day officially in trade. My head instructor, Scott Ferguson, kind of scares me a little bit. He wasn't there today and I am very grateful, it only would have added more pressure on me.
I have already made several friends who are in H.E.R., and they quickly got me involved in a project. I was a little reluctant at first, afraid I would break something or mess up, but they insisted and explained that the only way I would really learn is if I tried it. So even though I didn't understand most of the stuff I was fixing, they coached me through it and we managed to get it done.
I learned all about brakes on heavy machinery because we replaced... um... well I can't remember exactly what it was called, but it was a little thingy that was attached to the air tank for the brakes. It's supposed to pop at about 175 psi* but it was popping off at 135 psi which is way too early. It has something to do with safety. I can't remember exactly what it prevents, why, or how it works, but if you told me to fix it, I would remember how to put it together and I could do it again. Besides, that's what I have a whole 21 months and 3 weeks for; to figure out the details.
We also fixed a hydraulic hose that moved a part on something. I can't explain it to you but I could show you what it did.
On another note, since Jamie and I are in the same trade, we can't act like we are romantically interested in one another, or basically anything other than acquaintances, especially if there are rumors going around saying that we are. Trade related relationships are highly frowned upon, and although I don't know what the punishment is, it could very well be removal from vocational training in that area. So Jamie and I spoke very few words to each other. In fact, I counted them and he only spoke ten words to me in the whole day, this includes earlier this morning before trade hours. I asked him where the tape measure was and he said, " I dunno* but I think I know where one is". Ha, wow, what a conversation. I know that he is pretty serious when he is working, and even if we weren't trying to watch our backs he would still act the same, but somehow it still hurt my feelings just a little.
*PSI means 'punds per square inch'
*'dunno' is slang for 'don't know'. He said it just like that too, so it counts as one, instead of two, words.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Acceptance
Day 65-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I was called into the Admission Counselor's office. She handed me a yellow paper and told me to go to H.E.R. and get Scott Ferguson, the instructor, to sign it. This paper was the official form saying I start in part-time education / trade on November 22. I walked down, so bewildered, to trade and held back my urge to celebrate as I watched the instructor sign the paper. Guess what everyone...
I made it.
Although all my friends are celebrating for me, I haven't been talking much about it. I've almost been acting like nothing has changed. Why? I dunno... I just know that there are a lot of people who feel like they have been ripped off because they have waited more than 4 months to get into trade, while I only had to wait two. I'm not sure if it's because I've been working so hard, I've showed exceptional interest and potential, or I just got lucky and came in at the right time when everyone was completing. Either way, I feel that if I celebrated or made a big deal about being in trade, I'd be asking for trouble.
A lot of the people here point fingers before actually thinking about whether or not their accusations even make sense. They just need to blame someone, anyone else, becuase they can't accept the fact that the only one they can blame is themselves. And if that's not the case, they don't want to admit that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them (true story). They hate that they cannot control everything (heaven forbid) and they refuse to accept that maybe shit just happens.
P.S.
Sorry if I got a little off topic there. In all actuality I had a pretty good day, even if it doesn't quite seem like it in this blog. I just needed to vent (once again) about the students at Job Corps. Even when I have a good day and I'm "happy" I'm always kind of moody and tense because I feel like everyone's watching me. Waiting for me to step out of my comfort zone so they can blind side me (figuratively speaking of course). I feel like if I relax, even for a moment, someone might try to ruin this empire I have begun to build for myself.
Today, I was called into the Admission Counselor's office. She handed me a yellow paper and told me to go to H.E.R. and get Scott Ferguson, the instructor, to sign it. This paper was the official form saying I start in part-time education / trade on November 22. I walked down, so bewildered, to trade and held back my urge to celebrate as I watched the instructor sign the paper. Guess what everyone...
I made it.
Although all my friends are celebrating for me, I haven't been talking much about it. I've almost been acting like nothing has changed. Why? I dunno... I just know that there are a lot of people who feel like they have been ripped off because they have waited more than 4 months to get into trade, while I only had to wait two. I'm not sure if it's because I've been working so hard, I've showed exceptional interest and potential, or I just got lucky and came in at the right time when everyone was completing. Either way, I feel that if I celebrated or made a big deal about being in trade, I'd be asking for trouble.
A lot of the people here point fingers before actually thinking about whether or not their accusations even make sense. They just need to blame someone, anyone else, becuase they can't accept the fact that the only one they can blame is themselves. And if that's not the case, they don't want to admit that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them (true story). They hate that they cannot control everything (heaven forbid) and they refuse to accept that maybe shit just happens.
P.S.
Sorry if I got a little off topic there. In all actuality I had a pretty good day, even if it doesn't quite seem like it in this blog. I just needed to vent (once again) about the students at Job Corps. Even when I have a good day and I'm "happy" I'm always kind of moody and tense because I feel like everyone's watching me. Waiting for me to step out of my comfort zone so they can blind side me (figuratively speaking of course). I feel like if I relax, even for a moment, someone might try to ruin this empire I have begun to build for myself.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Veterans Day
Day 63------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Veterans Day Essay Competition
Topic: What Veterans Day Means to Me
350 word maximum
Prizes: Gift Cards to Walmart
1st place - $50
2nd place - $30
3rd place - $20
Veterans Day
What used to be known as Armistice Day to celebrate those who served in World War 1, Veterans Day was officially established on June 1, 1954 to honor all of our men and women who have fought for our rights and freedom in the United States of America.
Veterans Day is a day when our country can take a moment from our busy lives to appreciate and remember that freedom doesn't come free. It's a day to remember the 1,350,000 men and women who have lost their lives in the past 231 years, a time to thank the 3,000,000 men and women who are currently serving in the U.S. military, and a moment to take our hats off to the 23,530,000 veterans who are alive today.
Most all of these people have witnessed the cruelty and brutality of war. The harsh smell of sulfur, the piercing sound of gunfire, the agony of sharp objects as they slice through their skin, the taste of copper and salt as the blood and sweat and tears pour down their faces. But most of all, our soldiers have seen the pain, suffering, and chaos of the unforgiving battle field. Those who have returned home to their families have been scarred forever with the terror and bloodshed that not even the most courageous of men could ever forget.
I believe it is important, for all of us as a nation, to commemorate those who have laid down their lives for this country. Although the world will little note what is said about our veterans, it can never forget what they have done for us, the people of the United States of America, for the hard work of our beloved soldiers shows in the freedom and rights that we still have today.
Veterans Day Essay Competition
Topic: What Veterans Day Means to Me
350 word maximum
Prizes: Gift Cards to Walmart
1st place - $50
2nd place - $30
3rd place - $20
Veterans Day
What used to be known as Armistice Day to celebrate those who served in World War 1, Veterans Day was officially established on June 1, 1954 to honor all of our men and women who have fought for our rights and freedom in the United States of America.
Veterans Day is a day when our country can take a moment from our busy lives to appreciate and remember that freedom doesn't come free. It's a day to remember the 1,350,000 men and women who have lost their lives in the past 231 years, a time to thank the 3,000,000 men and women who are currently serving in the U.S. military, and a moment to take our hats off to the 23,530,000 veterans who are alive today.
Most all of these people have witnessed the cruelty and brutality of war. The harsh smell of sulfur, the piercing sound of gunfire, the agony of sharp objects as they slice through their skin, the taste of copper and salt as the blood and sweat and tears pour down their faces. But most of all, our soldiers have seen the pain, suffering, and chaos of the unforgiving battle field. Those who have returned home to their families have been scarred forever with the terror and bloodshed that not even the most courageous of men could ever forget.
I believe it is important, for all of us as a nation, to commemorate those who have laid down their lives for this country. Although the world will little note what is said about our veterans, it can never forget what they have done for us, the people of the United States of America, for the hard work of our beloved soldiers shows in the freedom and rights that we still have today.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My Business
Day 62----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So it seems that everyone is interested in MY BUSINESS. A lot of the girls have been talking crap about me behind my back. They are spreading all sorts of rumors about me and Jamie (the guy whose family I'm spending Thanksgiving with). I've heard things like we've kissed (Oh really? Where the hell was I?), that he's only taking me home for one reason, and even that I'm just trying to get attention. A few of the guys are doing the same things to him; cat calling, giving him high fives, asking him to give them details on how great the sex is. One of the guys even walked up to him and said, "If you do anything with Elizabeth during Thanksgiving, let me know because I don't want your sloppy seconds".
For one, it's no ones business who I hang out with or what I do with that individual, it's MY choice. Two, nothing is going between Jamie and me (not that anyone has a right to know), he invited me to his house because I live too far away and it's too expensive for me to get home. Three, I cannot believe that these people think so little of me. They think that I would just jump into his bed because I have been spending time with him. God forbid I have a few enjoyable and intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. And four, even if we WERE involved, I wouldn't let it interfere with my schooling or bring it into the work place. If it turned out that it was becoming an issue, I'd let it go. I came here for me, not for a relationship. I came to improve myself, to get ahead in what I want, and I certainly did not come here to please any of the foolish and ignorant people here.
So it seems that everyone is interested in MY BUSINESS. A lot of the girls have been talking crap about me behind my back. They are spreading all sorts of rumors about me and Jamie (the guy whose family I'm spending Thanksgiving with). I've heard things like we've kissed (Oh really? Where the hell was I?), that he's only taking me home for one reason, and even that I'm just trying to get attention. A few of the guys are doing the same things to him; cat calling, giving him high fives, asking him to give them details on how great the sex is. One of the guys even walked up to him and said, "If you do anything with Elizabeth during Thanksgiving, let me know because I don't want your sloppy seconds".
For one, it's no ones business who I hang out with or what I do with that individual, it's MY choice. Two, nothing is going between Jamie and me (not that anyone has a right to know), he invited me to his house because I live too far away and it's too expensive for me to get home. Three, I cannot believe that these people think so little of me. They think that I would just jump into his bed because I have been spending time with him. God forbid I have a few enjoyable and intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. And four, even if we WERE involved, I wouldn't let it interfere with my schooling or bring it into the work place. If it turned out that it was becoming an issue, I'd let it go. I came here for me, not for a relationship. I came to improve myself, to get ahead in what I want, and I certainly did not come here to please any of the foolish and ignorant people here.
Grandparents' Weekend / Chaos
Day 62------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (*) refer to bottom
My grandparents came and picked me up Friday, punctual as ever, so I had to throw some stuff in a bag and call it good. I finally signed out at the Duty Office after grandpa had a nice 15 min chat with my Rec boss about fishing (of course), and we drove from base* into Union Gap and at dinner at Miner's. This place had burgers, "The size of steering wheels," as Grandpa said, and boy was he not joking. After dinner we went to my great-uncle Tom's place to stay the night. I weighed myself and I had gained almost 10 lbs from that burger, fries, and the large root beer float I ate (don't worry I was back to normal by morning). We stayed up late Friday night and had a wonderful conversation with Avril, the English woman who takes care of Travis (my aunt and uncle's son) and, until recently, Great Grandma Sauve.
Saturday was pretty lazy. Since we slept in the windowless basement, of which Uncle Tom has decked out with Washington State University Cougars' stuff (he calls it the Cougar Den), it was easy to lose track of time. I didn't wake up till about 0930 and even then I didn't get out of bed until 1045. Grandma, Grandpa, and I finally got out of the house at 1230 - 1300 and we went out to an amazing mexican restaurant for a quiet lunch.
After lunch, we went shopping and I got some new work boots (which I LOVE! Thanks Grandma & Grandpa!), hangers, toothpaste, and a few other necessities. I'm very excited about my new boots because now I don't have to wear the crappy ones Job Corps issues us.
Later, when we had gotten all the things I needed, we went back to Uncle Tom's, back down into the Cougar Den, and watched several games of football. Sorry Huskies, you tried! Haha Cougs, you just couldn't take the heat!* At about 1830 we all loaded up once again to bring me back to base. It was sad to see my grandparents go, especially since I won't see them until next spring when they get back from Hawaii. But like grandpa said, it's not like there isn't such a thing as a telephone.
Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I can't be gone for 28 hrs without this whole place turning into complete and utter chaos! I was here 15 min and I was bombarded with people asking me if McGee* was alright. I was totally confused about what they were asking when finally one person explained that McGee had been caught drinking heavily on center. I couldn't believe it. The very last thing that I want to have happen is McGee getting kicked off center. He's one of the few people here that keep me sane. As it turns out, he was drinking Black Velvet with Pepsi, acting totally belligerent, while hanging out at Rec. I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do now, but if I had just been here, I could have talked him out of it. At least kept him safe. I'm praying for him now, hoping that he stays.*
*Fort Simcoe. 'Base' is what students call it most of the time.
*Funny how I'm a Washington State Huskies fan that stayed over night in a Cougar Den.
*McGee is one of my dear friends here at Fort Simcoe.
*The last time I went on weekend pass with my parents, I came back (on Sunday) and Recreation hadn't been cleaned since Friday (the day I left). This weekend, my Vice President took some sort of last minute "days off" without notifying me, so there were no Rec Leaders whatsoever that could have prevented this. What the hell good is a Vice President if he can't pick up the slack when I'm gone?
My grandparents came and picked me up Friday, punctual as ever, so I had to throw some stuff in a bag and call it good. I finally signed out at the Duty Office after grandpa had a nice 15 min chat with my Rec boss about fishing (of course), and we drove from base* into Union Gap and at dinner at Miner's. This place had burgers, "The size of steering wheels," as Grandpa said, and boy was he not joking. After dinner we went to my great-uncle Tom's place to stay the night. I weighed myself and I had gained almost 10 lbs from that burger, fries, and the large root beer float I ate (don't worry I was back to normal by morning). We stayed up late Friday night and had a wonderful conversation with Avril, the English woman who takes care of Travis (my aunt and uncle's son) and, until recently, Great Grandma Sauve.
Saturday was pretty lazy. Since we slept in the windowless basement, of which Uncle Tom has decked out with Washington State University Cougars' stuff (he calls it the Cougar Den), it was easy to lose track of time. I didn't wake up till about 0930 and even then I didn't get out of bed until 1045. Grandma, Grandpa, and I finally got out of the house at 1230 - 1300 and we went out to an amazing mexican restaurant for a quiet lunch.
After lunch, we went shopping and I got some new work boots (which I LOVE! Thanks Grandma & Grandpa!), hangers, toothpaste, and a few other necessities. I'm very excited about my new boots because now I don't have to wear the crappy ones Job Corps issues us.
Later, when we had gotten all the things I needed, we went back to Uncle Tom's, back down into the Cougar Den, and watched several games of football. Sorry Huskies, you tried! Haha Cougs, you just couldn't take the heat!* At about 1830 we all loaded up once again to bring me back to base. It was sad to see my grandparents go, especially since I won't see them until next spring when they get back from Hawaii. But like grandpa said, it's not like there isn't such a thing as a telephone.
Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I can't be gone for 28 hrs without this whole place turning into complete and utter chaos! I was here 15 min and I was bombarded with people asking me if McGee* was alright. I was totally confused about what they were asking when finally one person explained that McGee had been caught drinking heavily on center. I couldn't believe it. The very last thing that I want to have happen is McGee getting kicked off center. He's one of the few people here that keep me sane. As it turns out, he was drinking Black Velvet with Pepsi, acting totally belligerent, while hanging out at Rec. I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do now, but if I had just been here, I could have talked him out of it. At least kept him safe. I'm praying for him now, hoping that he stays.*
*Fort Simcoe. 'Base' is what students call it most of the time.
*Funny how I'm a Washington State Huskies fan that stayed over night in a Cougar Den.
*McGee is one of my dear friends here at Fort Simcoe.
*The last time I went on weekend pass with my parents, I came back (on Sunday) and Recreation hadn't been cleaned since Friday (the day I left). This weekend, my Vice President took some sort of last minute "days off" without notifying me, so there were no Rec Leaders whatsoever that could have prevented this. What the hell good is a Vice President if he can't pick up the slack when I'm gone?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Close Quarters
Day 58-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not much time to talk so I'll just give you the low down.
My roommate, Michelle Collins, and I have been fighting. She has some personal business going on and she's been angry at the world, but because I'm her roomy, I've been getting the full force of it. What sucks is that she's a leader and she can give referrals and she's also been here longer than me, so she could totally ruin my life if she wanted. I'm trying to avoid her but we're in such close quarters that I don't really have a choice.
In fact the other day I was coming back from hands-on in Auto Shop and I was covered in grease. I NEEDED a shower before I went down to Rec, but Michelle was in the shower. I told her I needed to take one and she says, "Obviously I'm taking one so I don't know what to tell you". Well, I wasn't about to wait so I popped the lock, grabbed what I needed and went down the hall to use another girls' shower.
Later, Michelle brought it up at account behind when I was busy taking care of Rec. I just got in trouble for doing something similar that was not even as vicious. She made it sound like she was the total victim. She said that I had stormed in, slammed the door against the wall, slammed my drawers, and stormed out. She said she felt like her privacy had totally been invaded. I've seen this girl change for God sakes! I've spoken to her while she's been in the shower before! I didn't even know how to the pop the lock until she showed me how.
I'm seriously considering a room change. I can't be my best and work on my life when I'm trying to be how everyone else thinks I should be.
*Michelle is also angry because I tracked in dirt from the pumpkin patch. She told me she almost had a mental breakdown because of my uncleanliness. Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to be in HEAVY MACHINERY REPAIR and there WILL BE DIRT sometimes. The last thing I need in an unstable, clean freak sharing a room with me.
Not much time to talk so I'll just give you the low down.
My roommate, Michelle Collins, and I have been fighting. She has some personal business going on and she's been angry at the world, but because I'm her roomy, I've been getting the full force of it. What sucks is that she's a leader and she can give referrals and she's also been here longer than me, so she could totally ruin my life if she wanted. I'm trying to avoid her but we're in such close quarters that I don't really have a choice.
In fact the other day I was coming back from hands-on in Auto Shop and I was covered in grease. I NEEDED a shower before I went down to Rec, but Michelle was in the shower. I told her I needed to take one and she says, "Obviously I'm taking one so I don't know what to tell you". Well, I wasn't about to wait so I popped the lock, grabbed what I needed and went down the hall to use another girls' shower.
Later, Michelle brought it up at account behind when I was busy taking care of Rec. I just got in trouble for doing something similar that was not even as vicious. She made it sound like she was the total victim. She said that I had stormed in, slammed the door against the wall, slammed my drawers, and stormed out. She said she felt like her privacy had totally been invaded. I've seen this girl change for God sakes! I've spoken to her while she's been in the shower before! I didn't even know how to the pop the lock until she showed me how.
I'm seriously considering a room change. I can't be my best and work on my life when I'm trying to be how everyone else thinks I should be.
*Michelle is also angry because I tracked in dirt from the pumpkin patch. She told me she almost had a mental breakdown because of my uncleanliness. Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to be in HEAVY MACHINERY REPAIR and there WILL BE DIRT sometimes. The last thing I need in an unstable, clean freak sharing a room with me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Referral
Day 56-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I forgot to mention the other day that I got my first Dorm Court Referral. Referrals are usually given out for misbehaviour, tardiness, absence, and mistreatment of the other students. I received one for "degrading a student" and "spreading gossip". Here's what happened.
We were all sitting in account and the dorm leaders asked if anyone had any announcements. Well one girl, Michelle Green, declared that she had been promoted to Study Leader (the computer room). Now, this girl is VERY heavy, unhealthily so. And not just chubby, but like obese where her body is all out of proportion. Of course, this leads to very, very low self-esteem. So she puts herself out there for all kinds of sexual activity to any of the boys (the weird ones I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) who are willing. She then goes around and boasts about all of the things she has done. No one really wants to hear it, it makes me kind of sick thinking about it. But there she goes, going on and on about who's been with her and (in detail, mind you) what they've done. Yet, she's so surprised and hurt when the students talk about how much of a fat wh*re she is. I never, ever would say anything about someone like that, I've been at that end of the stick before. But that doesn't mean I don't hear about it.
Anyway, I've caught her looking at porn sites online that the center has not blocked, and other students have caught her too. When she said she was leader of the lab, I raised my hand (remember, in account with the other girls) and said, "I don't think it's fair that Michelle is leader because I've seen her look at porn". Immediately, the other girls chimed in and started saying their complaints and comments on the subject. Michelle looked shocked like she couldn't believe someone would accuse her of such a thing. Come on, it's not like it's some big secret. It didn't take long at all for her to come out and admit to it. Yet no one demoted her from Study Leader!
I got the ass end, of course. Everyone feels bad for the big girl with a psychological imbalance. And I was the pretty girl who singles out girls and makes them victims. I did not say what I said to degrade anyone. I did not say anything that wasn't true. I did not start a rumor, and I certainly did not say anything no one else had known about. I simply stated my opinion, based on a fact, to prove a point.
It doesn't help that the dorm has a whole new set of leaders who have decided to take matters into their own hands and 'clean up' our attitudes. I'm sorry, but I haven't been here long enough to be a contributor to whatever mess they've been fighting for months before I got here. These leaders have been handing out referrals left and right, for the smallest stuff! A girl got a referral for being overheard telling another girl she didn't like the new authority. We can't even talk about our feelings or tell others about our opinions! This is tyranny.
This referral scared the life out of me because I promised the HER instructor I wouldn't start any fights, and the last thing I wanted was for this to go on my record. It would make me seem like I had a bad attitude, which is certainly unacceptable in the work place. I have more to prove than most any of these students, and certainly any of these girls. I have to work twice as hard,be twice as behaved and polite, and a hundred times more professional. After fighting it for a while to be dismissed, I pleaded guilty to this referral so that I could personally see it torn up and thrown away, never to be recorded. It felt wrong to plead guilty to something I do not feel guilty for, but I suppose it was necessary.
I forgot to mention the other day that I got my first Dorm Court Referral. Referrals are usually given out for misbehaviour, tardiness, absence, and mistreatment of the other students. I received one for "degrading a student" and "spreading gossip". Here's what happened.
We were all sitting in account and the dorm leaders asked if anyone had any announcements. Well one girl, Michelle Green, declared that she had been promoted to Study Leader (the computer room). Now, this girl is VERY heavy, unhealthily so. And not just chubby, but like obese where her body is all out of proportion. Of course, this leads to very, very low self-esteem. So she puts herself out there for all kinds of sexual activity to any of the boys (the weird ones I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) who are willing. She then goes around and boasts about all of the things she has done. No one really wants to hear it, it makes me kind of sick thinking about it. But there she goes, going on and on about who's been with her and (in detail, mind you) what they've done. Yet, she's so surprised and hurt when the students talk about how much of a fat wh*re she is. I never, ever would say anything about someone like that, I've been at that end of the stick before. But that doesn't mean I don't hear about it.
Anyway, I've caught her looking at porn sites online that the center has not blocked, and other students have caught her too. When she said she was leader of the lab, I raised my hand (remember, in account with the other girls) and said, "I don't think it's fair that Michelle is leader because I've seen her look at porn". Immediately, the other girls chimed in and started saying their complaints and comments on the subject. Michelle looked shocked like she couldn't believe someone would accuse her of such a thing. Come on, it's not like it's some big secret. It didn't take long at all for her to come out and admit to it. Yet no one demoted her from Study Leader!
I got the ass end, of course. Everyone feels bad for the big girl with a psychological imbalance. And I was the pretty girl who singles out girls and makes them victims. I did not say what I said to degrade anyone. I did not say anything that wasn't true. I did not start a rumor, and I certainly did not say anything no one else had known about. I simply stated my opinion, based on a fact, to prove a point.
It doesn't help that the dorm has a whole new set of leaders who have decided to take matters into their own hands and 'clean up' our attitudes. I'm sorry, but I haven't been here long enough to be a contributor to whatever mess they've been fighting for months before I got here. These leaders have been handing out referrals left and right, for the smallest stuff! A girl got a referral for being overheard telling another girl she didn't like the new authority. We can't even talk about our feelings or tell others about our opinions! This is tyranny.
This referral scared the life out of me because I promised the HER instructor I wouldn't start any fights, and the last thing I wanted was for this to go on my record. It would make me seem like I had a bad attitude, which is certainly unacceptable in the work place. I have more to prove than most any of these students, and certainly any of these girls. I have to work twice as hard,be twice as behaved and polite, and a hundred times more professional. After fighting it for a while to be dismissed, I pleaded guilty to this referral so that I could personally see it torn up and thrown away, never to be recorded. It felt wrong to plead guilty to something I do not feel guilty for, but I suppose it was necessary.
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