Referral

Day 56-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I forgot to mention the other day that I got my first Dorm Court Referral. Referrals are usually given out for misbehaviour, tardiness, absence, and mistreatment of the other students. I received one for "degrading a student" and "spreading gossip". Here's what happened.

We were all sitting in account and the dorm leaders asked if anyone had any announcements. Well one girl, Michelle Green, declared that she had been promoted to Study Leader (the computer room). Now, this girl is VERY heavy, unhealthily so. And not just chubby, but like obese where her body is all out of proportion. Of course, this leads to very, very low self-esteem. So she puts herself out there for all kinds of sexual activity to any of the boys (the weird ones I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) who are willing. She then goes around and boasts about all of the things she has done. No one really wants to hear it, it makes me kind of sick thinking about it. But there she goes, going on and on about who's been with her and (in detail, mind you) what they've done. Yet, she's so surprised and hurt when the students talk about how much of a fat wh*re she is. I never, ever would say anything about someone like that, I've been at that end of the stick before. But that doesn't mean I don't hear about it.

Anyway, I've caught her looking at porn sites online that the center has not blocked, and other students have caught her too. When she said she was leader of the lab, I raised my hand (remember, in account with the other girls) and said, "I don't think it's fair that Michelle is leader because I've seen her look at porn". Immediately, the other girls chimed in and started saying their complaints and comments on the subject. Michelle looked shocked like she couldn't believe someone would accuse her of such a thing. Come on, it's not like it's some big secret. It didn't take long at all for her to come out and admit to it. Yet no one demoted her from Study Leader!

I got the ass end, of course. Everyone feels bad for the big girl with a psychological imbalance. And I was the pretty girl who singles out girls and makes them victims. I did not say what I said to degrade anyone. I did not say anything that wasn't true. I did not start a rumor, and I certainly did not say anything no one else had known about. I simply stated my opinion, based on a fact,  to prove a point.

It doesn't help that the dorm has a whole new set of leaders who have decided to take matters into their own hands and 'clean up' our attitudes. I'm sorry, but I haven't been here long enough to be a contributor to whatever mess they've been fighting for months before I got here. These leaders have been handing out referrals left and right, for the smallest stuff! A girl got a referral for being overheard telling another girl she didn't like the new authority. We can't even talk about our feelings or tell others about our opinions! This is tyranny.

This referral scared the life out of me because I promised the HER instructor I wouldn't start any fights, and the last thing I wanted was for this to go on my record. It would make me seem like I had a bad attitude, which is certainly unacceptable in the work place. I have more to prove than most any of these students, and certainly any of these girls. I have to work twice as hard,be twice as behaved and polite, and a hundred times more professional. After fighting it for a while to be dismissed, I pleaded guilty to this referral so that I could personally see it torn up and thrown away, never to be recorded. It felt wrong to plead guilty to something I do not feel guilty for, but I suppose it was necessary.