Lessons Learned

Day 156----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


So, I didn't get the full time spot in trade. I'm kind of grateful because I don't think that I am ready. I like being able to relax and study at my own pace in Maintenance. (That's where they put students who have finished all of the required education courses and are waiting for a fulltime spot to open up.) I also didn't get my Gold color card because all the counselors, except one, are not going to be here for at least a week. So one counselor is trying to take care of 2 or 3 trades; that's about 75 kids, at least. I really hate how disorganized this place is.


I think it is time to introduce another character to the scheme of my life. Kayla Sorenson is another girl who has greatly influenced my life here at Job Corps. She's in business with Karlee and they've been friends since Karlee first got here. Sometimes her, Karlee, and I can be kind of a trio, one never being without the other. Kayla is a very pretty red-head with a great smile, catchy personality, level head, and a good attention span for listening. I think she may have a few trust issues though and is a little flighty when it comes to her personal relationships. I might not always understand her ways, but I accept them none the less.

Anyway, the whole reason I am bringing this person forward is because of an incident that happened here the other day. Long story short, I confided in Kayla about something about Kevin (that had NOTHING to do with Karlee and Kevin's relationship, by the way) that Jamie had told me. Jamie had told me specifically not to tell anyone, but you know me and my big mouth. I didn't even mean to tell her, it just slipped out. She swore she wouldn't tell Karlee. Alas, sometimes we give people more credit than we should.
Kayla told Karlee about what Jamie had told me, and Karlee of course went to Kevin. When Karlee came to me angry that I hadn't told her and had asked Kayla not to tell her (which I should have known better), my heart immediately sank into my stomach. I knew that if I didn't get to Jamie, before Kevin, and tell him of my terrible mistake, it might end my relationship for good. I kept thinking, 'Oh no, he'll never trust me with anything ever again. This is it, I've finally done it'.
So I rushed outside, begged a few guys to go get Jamie from inside the dorm, waited (more like paced), and probably popped a few blood vessels because I was so worried.
When he finally came outside I'd driven myself almost to tears and hysteria. I spilled my guts out and all he has to say was, "Kevin's my baymate, he already told me".

Well, shit.

This time my heart dropped to my toes. I kind of kicked a rock and did sort of a pirouette. Don't know what that was about, but people do silly things in times of crisis. And just when I thought the sky was about to fall and the world as I knew it was about to come to an end, Jamie grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "Eli, it's okay. Let's just take this and learn a lesson from it".    - Whew. World is not over, once again.


After I was fully reassured, I went back into my room, calm, yet smoldering at what Kayla had done. Karlee scolded me saying that Kayla had done the right thing telling her about what Jamie had told me. She said that Kayla told her everything, no matter what. Angrily I said, "Well, if she's such a good friend, maybe you should ask her about what else she hasn't told you".

Whoops.

That opened a whole new can of worms. Turns out that Kayla and Kevin had a thing before Karlee was even in the picture, and she had no idea. As a result, Kevin and Karlee fought for a day or two, Kevin hates me, and Kayla and I are no longer friends.

Oh, well. Lessons learned, I suppose.

So after all the after-math craziness with Karlee, Kevin, Kayla, and Jamie, I have officially decided I never want anything to do with anyone else's business besides my own. I'm going to keep my big mouth shut, and all of my private affairs private! I never really have been a "close friend" kind of person. I've had friends and buddies, and then one companion. That companion has always been my mom. Laugh, talk, share everything together. Now that person is Jamie. I'm sorry that it took so long to come to the realization that I don't need or want a whole bunch of people in my life, and that that is okay.
As it turns out, I was so busy evaluating what everyone else's two cents, and what was going on in everyone else's life, that I didn't realize what I really needed was my own self evalution! Maybe if I had figured that out a long time ago, I wouldn't have put myself through so much heart ache. I think that really it was all in my head, and I let everyone else put it there.



In a way, I'm really glad all this happened. I feel a million times lighter and kind of like it's a little smoother sailing from here on out. I'm very happy with my revelation.