Day 152----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm going to PBR (Professional Bull Riding) event this evening. I've been looking forward to it. Maybe it'll distract me for a little while. I won't feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust.
So last night Jamie told me that everything I say sounds like something Karlee would say to Kevin. He can't believe anything I say because he thinks Karlee is the one trying to get me to say it. I told him that I couldn't imagine waking up, going to work, and seeing him everyday, knowing that I missed out on probably one of the most important men that has ever come into my life - and he doesn't believe a word.
How can I compete? I'll dress up and put make up on and he'll think I did it because Karlee convinced me to. I can shower him with praises and kindness and patience and he'll think it's all coming from her. I can kiss him and love him and tell him how much he means to me and he won't understand that I've meant every ounce of affection.
I can't change Jamie's mind. He has to do it himself. But how am I supposed to save us if everything I'm doing is what's destroying it?
I'm losing, aren't I?
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