Day 102-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally going home.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Jingle Bell Festival
Day 100------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They call the week before we leave Hell Week. It got it's name because all week we have to clean everything. Under our beds, the walls, the corners of the ceiling, the cracks in the tile, etc, before we can leave for break. I heard that they've held the busses because a dorm couldn't pass inspection. I guess we're supposed to deep clean all week, but since our dorm passed the room inspections yesterday, our staff has been pretty lax. I'm glad, I've been packed since sunday, but this gives me time to repack a few times to make sure everything I need is in my suitcase. I'm bringing a lot of stuff home and leaving it becuase I want to bring a whole bunch of other things back. :-P
That reminds me, I really need to hit the stores. I haven't done any Christmas shopping, including the Secret Santa gifts our family give every year. Not only do I have absolutely no idea what to get, but I have a million people to get gifts for, and it's not like I can go to the store whenever I want. I've tried to make gifts, but that takes me so long because I'm a little OCD about projects. I hate last minute shopping, so I think I'm going to order a lot of things online.
Anyway to get on to the topic of my story, today, as break from Hell Week, we had a half day for trade today. Once we got released and at lunch, I came back to the dorm, showered, changed, and then Karlee and I went out to meet Kevin and Jamie. The four of us then walked down to the Jingle Bell Festival at Rec (even if we didn't want to go, we didn't have a choice). While standing outside in the cold wind for 15 min, we got tired of waiting for the staff to open the doors and let us all in, so our crew walked down to the HER building to BS with mine, and the boy's instructors a bit.
After having a few laughs (Karlee's pretty shy so she didn't say one word, but she was a good sport), we walked back up to Rec and all the students had already been ushered inside and we also rushed in to get out of the cold. There was a raffle that we all put our names in when we walked in the door. The inside of the building was very beautiful, they had set up an electric fireplace with painted bricks to make it look like a chimney. There were pictures with Santa (who was Steve Gardiner), and lots of mini games where you had a chance to win lots of prizes. I didn't win anything, I'm not very good with my hand eye coordination (unless it's darts). So I was getting a little discouraged... then I won an i-Pod! I'm going to go home and put audio books on it and save my purple one that I already have for music. :-) It's a good day in the life of Eli.
They call the week before we leave Hell Week. It got it's name because all week we have to clean everything. Under our beds, the walls, the corners of the ceiling, the cracks in the tile, etc, before we can leave for break. I heard that they've held the busses because a dorm couldn't pass inspection. I guess we're supposed to deep clean all week, but since our dorm passed the room inspections yesterday, our staff has been pretty lax. I'm glad, I've been packed since sunday, but this gives me time to repack a few times to make sure everything I need is in my suitcase. I'm bringing a lot of stuff home and leaving it becuase I want to bring a whole bunch of other things back. :-P
That reminds me, I really need to hit the stores. I haven't done any Christmas shopping, including the Secret Santa gifts our family give every year. Not only do I have absolutely no idea what to get, but I have a million people to get gifts for, and it's not like I can go to the store whenever I want. I've tried to make gifts, but that takes me so long because I'm a little OCD about projects. I hate last minute shopping, so I think I'm going to order a lot of things online.
Anyway to get on to the topic of my story, today, as break from Hell Week, we had a half day for trade today. Once we got released and at lunch, I came back to the dorm, showered, changed, and then Karlee and I went out to meet Kevin and Jamie. The four of us then walked down to the Jingle Bell Festival at Rec (even if we didn't want to go, we didn't have a choice). While standing outside in the cold wind for 15 min, we got tired of waiting for the staff to open the doors and let us all in, so our crew walked down to the HER building to BS with mine, and the boy's instructors a bit.
After having a few laughs (Karlee's pretty shy so she didn't say one word, but she was a good sport), we walked back up to Rec and all the students had already been ushered inside and we also rushed in to get out of the cold. There was a raffle that we all put our names in when we walked in the door. The inside of the building was very beautiful, they had set up an electric fireplace with painted bricks to make it look like a chimney. There were pictures with Santa (who was Steve Gardiner), and lots of mini games where you had a chance to win lots of prizes. I didn't win anything, I'm not very good with my hand eye coordination (unless it's darts). So I was getting a little discouraged... then I won an i-Pod! I'm going to go home and put audio books on it and save my purple one that I already have for music. :-) It's a good day in the life of Eli.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Kevin and Karlee
Day 97------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All the 9 inches of snow we got yesterday has almost completely melted. YAY!
I figure it's well about time to tell you about my two closest friends here at Job Corps, Kevin and Karlee.
First off, Kevin is my foreman in trade and he's also Jamie's best friend. He's a pretty big guy, 6ft 5in, very broad, but he's more or less a teddy bear. Just don't piss him off. He's protective and a loyal friend. I look at him like an older brother. I think part of that is because he helped me get into trade. I was so worried that I wouldn't get in, I was even making plans for what would happen if I didn't. But he calmed me down and reassured me over and over again. He was very patient, and I'm grateful he was there.
Karlee used to hate me. Like really hate me. We used to butt heads and I'm pretty sure she used to talk about me behind my back, I sure heard that she did. But then once I got to know her, I kinda started to like her. I was cautious though. I didn't tell her too much becuase I was afraid she might use it against me, you know how girls are. So I got to know her at an arms length. Then she started opening up to me more and more, so I figured it was okay to share some of my life back. Now I've learned we have a lot in common and she's a lot of fun. You almost never see one without the other. I always sit with her and Kevin, sometimes accompanied by Jamie when he shows up for meals. Whenever Kevin isn't around and he's off doing guy things with Jamie, Karlee and I usually hang out together. We talk about everything. Whenever she needs a friend she calls for me, and whenever I need to talk I call for her. I think it's ironic how we started out as enemies, now we're like two peas in a pod. :-)
All the 9 inches of snow we got yesterday has almost completely melted. YAY!
I figure it's well about time to tell you about my two closest friends here at Job Corps, Kevin and Karlee.
First off, Kevin is my foreman in trade and he's also Jamie's best friend. He's a pretty big guy, 6ft 5in, very broad, but he's more or less a teddy bear. Just don't piss him off. He's protective and a loyal friend. I look at him like an older brother. I think part of that is because he helped me get into trade. I was so worried that I wouldn't get in, I was even making plans for what would happen if I didn't. But he calmed me down and reassured me over and over again. He was very patient, and I'm grateful he was there.
Karlee used to hate me. Like really hate me. We used to butt heads and I'm pretty sure she used to talk about me behind my back, I sure heard that she did. But then once I got to know her, I kinda started to like her. I was cautious though. I didn't tell her too much becuase I was afraid she might use it against me, you know how girls are. So I got to know her at an arms length. Then she started opening up to me more and more, so I figured it was okay to share some of my life back. Now I've learned we have a lot in common and she's a lot of fun. You almost never see one without the other. I always sit with her and Kevin, sometimes accompanied by Jamie when he shows up for meals. Whenever Kevin isn't around and he's off doing guy things with Jamie, Karlee and I usually hang out together. We talk about everything. Whenever she needs a friend she calls for me, and whenever I need to talk I call for her. I think it's ironic how we started out as enemies, now we're like two peas in a pod. :-)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Poopy Weather
Day 96----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had just started to get my hopes up because it has been raining and the snow had melted. But I guess I spoke too soon because it started snowing around 1000 and now we have over 3.5 inches out there and it's still comin' down. I was supposed to meet my uncle, Tom, in town at Miners but they cancelled day pass. I was looking forward to seeing him (and not just because he owes me $20 for the Apple Cup bet that I won (I'm still pretty proud of it, I've never really gambled like that before)). He's fun and really good company. It would have been nice to speak to someone I look up to rather than someone I'm forced to listen to. Hear his opinion from the outside.
6 days until I come home. I think the only people I'll really miss over break are Kevin and Karlee (I still need to write a blog about them) and Jamie, but I'm still looking forward to not having a schedule. This place is so repetitious. Get up, make my bed, put my trade clothes on, go to breakfast, come back, do dorm job, grad trade supplies, go to trade. Then after the work day it's go to the dorm, shower, put sweats and a tank top on, go to account, meet Karlee, Kevin, and sometimes Jamie, for dinner, come back to the dorm, put a coat on, go to Rec, workout, come back to the dorm again, shower again, put pajamas on, go back outside to hang out with Jamie, then come in for account and go to bed. EVERY DAY. It's exhausting having a set routine.
I had just started to get my hopes up because it has been raining and the snow had melted. But I guess I spoke too soon because it started snowing around 1000 and now we have over 3.5 inches out there and it's still comin' down. I was supposed to meet my uncle, Tom, in town at Miners but they cancelled day pass. I was looking forward to seeing him (and not just because he owes me $20 for the Apple Cup bet that I won (I'm still pretty proud of it, I've never really gambled like that before)). He's fun and really good company. It would have been nice to speak to someone I look up to rather than someone I'm forced to listen to. Hear his opinion from the outside.
6 days until I come home. I think the only people I'll really miss over break are Kevin and Karlee (I still need to write a blog about them) and Jamie, but I'm still looking forward to not having a schedule. This place is so repetitious. Get up, make my bed, put my trade clothes on, go to breakfast, come back, do dorm job, grad trade supplies, go to trade. Then after the work day it's go to the dorm, shower, put sweats and a tank top on, go to account, meet Karlee, Kevin, and sometimes Jamie, for dinner, come back to the dorm, put a coat on, go to Rec, workout, come back to the dorm again, shower again, put pajamas on, go back outside to hang out with Jamie, then come in for account and go to bed. EVERY DAY. It's exhausting having a set routine.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Guys in Trade / Scott Ferguson / Recreation / SGA
Day 93, 7th Vocational Trade Day-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think I'm starting to bond pretty well with the guys. I stay away from the two other girls in trade, I could care less about them. But the guys, well they're the people I need to get along with if I'm going to move up or survive in HER. I get along with all these guys outside of trade but in the workplace it's a totally different atmosphere. You have to be able to crack the right jokes and mess around at the right time and be serious when it's time to work. Ask questions, but not too many. Stand your ground, but know your place. I can tell that I've been doing pretty well. They're starting open up more and more and take me under their wing. When I say they I mean Kevin. He's the foreman. He helped me get into HER. He's kind of like a big brother thing to me. His girlfriend, Karlee, has turned out to be one of my best and loyal friends here also, but that's another story.
Anyway, Kevin has been telling me the dos and don'ts in trade. Everything from safety, to how each instructor works and how to get on their good side. His biggest rule is "Don't act like a dumbass" (his words not mine). Kevin is a very nice guy. He's funny, sensible, caring, and honest. The fact that he's honest is probably why I've put my faith and my position in HER in his hands. I used to rely on him because I really didn't have a choice, but now it's because I trust him.
Another guy is Neuroth. I really don't know him too well outside of trade, but he really knows his stuff, and he's very non judgemental. He's very patient and he takes time to explain to me the projects he's working on, as long as I don't get in the way.
And then of course, there's Jamie. Since there were so many rumors flying after we got back from Thanksgiving, I was afraid to talk to him during trade. I didn't want the instructors to catch wind of anything and start reconsidering whether or not they had made a good decision letting me into trade. But after Jamie and I talked and lots of reassuring from Kevin, I've been able to act normal. It's nice not to feel like I'm walking on thin ice. The instructors haven't said anything and Jamie and I can be friends all the time, instead of just when I think it's safe. Things are starting to flow smoothly and fall into place.
Scott Ferguson, as many of you may already know, is my instructor. When we went off center yesterday, I got to be in his rig with Kevin, Neuroth and some of the other guys in trade. I think Scott learned quite a bit about me and my ability to handle the vulgarity and brutishness that the guys sometimes portray. I think he was impressed with the way I pretty much went right along with it and fit right in. He even let me and another guy, Michael, wrestle in the back seat until he could see that I was losing badly and called it off. After I sulked for a little bit because it was certainly an unmatched fight, I shook it off because I realized that moping is for children and girls. Nobody likes a sore loser.
On the way back I got to ride up front with my instructor. Scott and I talked about hometowns and work, basic small talk. I used to be scared and intimidated by him. I used to tell Jamie he was like God; if he didn't like me and I couldn't win his approval, he was sure to smite me. That more or less means that if he decided that I wasn't worth the effort, he would give me one hell of a hard time and make it difficult for me to graduate from Job Corps with an HER certification. But then I built the confidence and asked him why he called off the fight with me and Cain. He said that he wanted to see if I could hold my own and once he could see I was getting close to boiling point he called it off. Curious, I asked him if I passed. Scott then said that he could see I was stubborn and headstrong and that by the time I got out to with HER I'd stand a chance. Well... not exactly the review I was looking for but I guess I deserved it. I haven't seriously worked out since wrestling season and I'm not as muscle-y or in shape as I was. The good thing is, I'm pretty sure I heard a tone of approval in his voice. I think I'm starting to like this Scott Ferguson guy.
I resigned from the position of Recreation President today. I decided that I really just didn't want to put up with the bull crap anymore. I hated being the bad guy and I got tired of being there everyday. There weren't any rewards for this leadership position and I wasn't helping or building a good bond with any of the students. Besides, I want time to relax and I have a lot of catching up to do in trade, now that I have the opportunity since I got my GED. I'm going to miss Rec and I'll miss feeling important, but in the long run, I'm going to have a whole lot less gray hairs on my head. It was hard being in Rec and not correcting people for swearing or chewing, but it's not my job anymore. And you know what, I feel a hundred times lighter.
From one leadership to another, SGA (Student Government Association) elections are tomorrow. My name is on the ballet under "Vice President". I'm running against Jamie's roommate, David. He's older, been here longer, a male, a top leader in Dorm 4, and he's friends with a lot of people. He'll probably win. And I kind of hope he does. Not sure if I'm quite ready for Vice President of the whole student body. I've only been here three months and I'm just starting to settle. I guess we'll just have to see how things go...
Wish me luck!
I think I'm starting to bond pretty well with the guys. I stay away from the two other girls in trade, I could care less about them. But the guys, well they're the people I need to get along with if I'm going to move up or survive in HER. I get along with all these guys outside of trade but in the workplace it's a totally different atmosphere. You have to be able to crack the right jokes and mess around at the right time and be serious when it's time to work. Ask questions, but not too many. Stand your ground, but know your place. I can tell that I've been doing pretty well. They're starting open up more and more and take me under their wing. When I say they I mean Kevin. He's the foreman. He helped me get into HER. He's kind of like a big brother thing to me. His girlfriend, Karlee, has turned out to be one of my best and loyal friends here also, but that's another story.
Anyway, Kevin has been telling me the dos and don'ts in trade. Everything from safety, to how each instructor works and how to get on their good side. His biggest rule is "Don't act like a dumbass" (his words not mine). Kevin is a very nice guy. He's funny, sensible, caring, and honest. The fact that he's honest is probably why I've put my faith and my position in HER in his hands. I used to rely on him because I really didn't have a choice, but now it's because I trust him.
Another guy is Neuroth. I really don't know him too well outside of trade, but he really knows his stuff, and he's very non judgemental. He's very patient and he takes time to explain to me the projects he's working on, as long as I don't get in the way.
And then of course, there's Jamie. Since there were so many rumors flying after we got back from Thanksgiving, I was afraid to talk to him during trade. I didn't want the instructors to catch wind of anything and start reconsidering whether or not they had made a good decision letting me into trade. But after Jamie and I talked and lots of reassuring from Kevin, I've been able to act normal. It's nice not to feel like I'm walking on thin ice. The instructors haven't said anything and Jamie and I can be friends all the time, instead of just when I think it's safe. Things are starting to flow smoothly and fall into place.
Scott Ferguson, as many of you may already know, is my instructor. When we went off center yesterday, I got to be in his rig with Kevin, Neuroth and some of the other guys in trade. I think Scott learned quite a bit about me and my ability to handle the vulgarity and brutishness that the guys sometimes portray. I think he was impressed with the way I pretty much went right along with it and fit right in. He even let me and another guy, Michael, wrestle in the back seat until he could see that I was losing badly and called it off. After I sulked for a little bit because it was certainly an unmatched fight, I shook it off because I realized that moping is for children and girls. Nobody likes a sore loser.
On the way back I got to ride up front with my instructor. Scott and I talked about hometowns and work, basic small talk. I used to be scared and intimidated by him. I used to tell Jamie he was like God; if he didn't like me and I couldn't win his approval, he was sure to smite me. That more or less means that if he decided that I wasn't worth the effort, he would give me one hell of a hard time and make it difficult for me to graduate from Job Corps with an HER certification. But then I built the confidence and asked him why he called off the fight with me and Cain. He said that he wanted to see if I could hold my own and once he could see I was getting close to boiling point he called it off. Curious, I asked him if I passed. Scott then said that he could see I was stubborn and headstrong and that by the time I got out to with HER I'd stand a chance. Well... not exactly the review I was looking for but I guess I deserved it. I haven't seriously worked out since wrestling season and I'm not as muscle-y or in shape as I was. The good thing is, I'm pretty sure I heard a tone of approval in his voice. I think I'm starting to like this Scott Ferguson guy.
I resigned from the position of Recreation President today. I decided that I really just didn't want to put up with the bull crap anymore. I hated being the bad guy and I got tired of being there everyday. There weren't any rewards for this leadership position and I wasn't helping or building a good bond with any of the students. Besides, I want time to relax and I have a lot of catching up to do in trade, now that I have the opportunity since I got my GED. I'm going to miss Rec and I'll miss feeling important, but in the long run, I'm going to have a whole lot less gray hairs on my head. It was hard being in Rec and not correcting people for swearing or chewing, but it's not my job anymore. And you know what, I feel a hundred times lighter.
From one leadership to another, SGA (Student Government Association) elections are tomorrow. My name is on the ballet under "Vice President". I'm running against Jamie's roommate, David. He's older, been here longer, a male, a top leader in Dorm 4, and he's friends with a lot of people. He'll probably win. And I kind of hope he does. Not sure if I'm quite ready for Vice President of the whole student body. I've only been here three months and I'm just starting to settle. I guess we'll just have to see how things go...
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Cat Keys / Jamie
Day 92, 6thVocational Training Day------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I really do have a lot to write about but I've been replying to emails all evening, it's getting late, and it's very cold in the study and I'm not very comfortable so I'll keep it short and sweet. Today, HER went to a Caterpillar (a.k.a. Cat) parts and sales store and all the students got a chance to see all the different variety of equipment that we don't have on base. I was able to name all of them and I was pretty proud of myself because I couldn't have done it a few weeks ago. I also learned the difference between a backhoe, bulldozer, and a front loader (I thought a bulldozer and a front loader were the same thing, oops) Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with all the things I don't know, but I'm learning.
I also got my own pair of Cat keys today, I'm pretty excited. I got a Cat key and a master switch key. The master switch I think basically turns on all your electricity to your machine, and the Cat key is what you need to start your engine. One isn't good without the other. A Cat and a master switch key will work on any Caterpillar machinery, I haven't come across one or heard of one that it won't work on. All the locks are default. I could go to any construction site, jump in a piece of equipment, and have drive away using these keys (not that I would try even if I could somehow get away).
Anyway, Job Corps doesn't supply keys and I had to buy them myself but I couldn't think of the next time I would get the opportunity so I took it. Only $5.13. Yes, that's five dollars and thirteen sense, I was surprised too. :) I feel pretty independent and I had a pretty good day.
I've been trying to keep Jamie focused on his studies because he's always trying to skip school and go to the dorms or trade. He has a hard time in Highschool. He says he can't focus and it gives him headaches. I've been trying to do some research on it but I can't find anything, any possible brain or chemical dysfunctions, that would cause that. So I decided maybe he's just the typical young adult that hates school. All they ever do is sit at a computer all day and answer multiple choice questions anyway. All of it, besides math, is reading and comprehension. Jamie doesn't like to work inside or read because it requires sitting still. So I've been trying to motivate him as much as I can and know how. I figure it's the least I could do since he invited me to Thanksgiving and he's been a really good friend to me.
I've learned a lot about him. We have a lot of the same interests as far as redneck sports and activities go. But our personalities are pretty opposite. I enjoy curling up and reading a book and he can't sit still for a minute. I like to research things before I jump into them, and he likes going straight ahead. Of course, I don't mind doing any of that either. In fact, being and Aries, I LOVE adventure. But at Job Corps I have to be a little cautious. I really like spending time with him. His company is comforting and reminds me a lot of the friends back home and the life I used to have. I feel a little less strange to this place. I'm really glad we're friends.
I really do have a lot to write about but I've been replying to emails all evening, it's getting late, and it's very cold in the study and I'm not very comfortable so I'll keep it short and sweet. Today, HER went to a Caterpillar (a.k.a. Cat) parts and sales store and all the students got a chance to see all the different variety of equipment that we don't have on base. I was able to name all of them and I was pretty proud of myself because I couldn't have done it a few weeks ago. I also learned the difference between a backhoe, bulldozer, and a front loader (I thought a bulldozer and a front loader were the same thing, oops) Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed with all the things I don't know, but I'm learning.
I also got my own pair of Cat keys today, I'm pretty excited. I got a Cat key and a master switch key. The master switch I think basically turns on all your electricity to your machine, and the Cat key is what you need to start your engine. One isn't good without the other. A Cat and a master switch key will work on any Caterpillar machinery, I haven't come across one or heard of one that it won't work on. All the locks are default. I could go to any construction site, jump in a piece of equipment, and have drive away using these keys (not that I would try even if I could somehow get away).
Anyway, Job Corps doesn't supply keys and I had to buy them myself but I couldn't think of the next time I would get the opportunity so I took it. Only $5.13. Yes, that's five dollars and thirteen sense, I was surprised too. :) I feel pretty independent and I had a pretty good day.
I've been trying to keep Jamie focused on his studies because he's always trying to skip school and go to the dorms or trade. He has a hard time in Highschool. He says he can't focus and it gives him headaches. I've been trying to do some research on it but I can't find anything, any possible brain or chemical dysfunctions, that would cause that. So I decided maybe he's just the typical young adult that hates school. All they ever do is sit at a computer all day and answer multiple choice questions anyway. All of it, besides math, is reading and comprehension. Jamie doesn't like to work inside or read because it requires sitting still. So I've been trying to motivate him as much as I can and know how. I figure it's the least I could do since he invited me to Thanksgiving and he's been a really good friend to me.
I've learned a lot about him. We have a lot of the same interests as far as redneck sports and activities go. But our personalities are pretty opposite. I enjoy curling up and reading a book and he can't sit still for a minute. I like to research things before I jump into them, and he likes going straight ahead. Of course, I don't mind doing any of that either. In fact, being and Aries, I LOVE adventure. But at Job Corps I have to be a little cautious. I really like spending time with him. His company is comforting and reminds me a lot of the friends back home and the life I used to have. I feel a little less strange to this place. I'm really glad we're friends.
Monday, December 6, 2010
O.S.H.A
Day 91, 5th Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So today in HER (Heavy Equipment Repair, for those of you who are coming late to my blog), we didn't do any hands on work. Instead, we did O.S.H.A training. OSHA stands for Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They create and enforce any and all the rules for any job site. They're kind of like the Supreme Court of health and safety. If another branch can't take care of the problem or they believe it is serious enough, they come in.
Anyway, all we did all day was watch slide shows and take notes. Well, I was the only one who took notes, but still. There are all sorts of abbreviations like PEL; permissible exposure limits. There's many more but I can't remember them all and I don't have time. More tomorrow.
So today in HER (Heavy Equipment Repair, for those of you who are coming late to my blog), we didn't do any hands on work. Instead, we did O.S.H.A training. OSHA stands for Occupational Safety and Health Administration. They create and enforce any and all the rules for any job site. They're kind of like the Supreme Court of health and safety. If another branch can't take care of the problem or they believe it is serious enough, they come in.
Anyway, all we did all day was watch slide shows and take notes. Well, I was the only one who took notes, but still. There are all sorts of abbreviations like PEL; permissible exposure limits. There's many more but I can't remember them all and I don't have time. More tomorrow.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Future
Day 90----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't wait until I'm out of here for good. I can't wait to explore the outside world. I can't wait till I can be without these 200 some eyes watching. I can't wait to be free of judgement. I never want to see this place again. I never want to come back to this. I never want to come back to the feeling of someone trying to bore holes into the back of my head, or someone trying to make me look like a fool.
I don't want you to doubt me, because I already doubt myself. And I don't want you to judge wrongly of me, because these people already do. All of the people here, minus a select few, are just rocks on a mountain; they believe they can never be moved and that they are on top of the world, but eventually they will all crumble and fall. We (I and the select few who have banded together to try and make it through this place with only friendship and desperation), however, are like diamonds in the rough; waiting just below the surface for someone to take notice and free us from the rubble until we have the chance to shine with brilliance.
I can't wait for the future. I can't wait to be apart of the world again. I can't wait to share myself with people who will actually appreciate the human being that God and I have created together. I can't wait to experience true friendship.
I am excited to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have double standards or hypocritical ideas of the world. I am excited to know how people without mental instabilities are like. I am excited to see one human interact with another human because they honestly enjoy the another's company, not because they are so utterly desperate for conversation.
I want a normal life. I want to have a normal cup of coffee, with a normal group of people, and a normal little coffee shop, on a normal street corner, where we can watch all the normal people go about their normal day.
I want quiet. I want my own quiet room, with my own quiet bed, with my own quiet music, with my own quiet book.
But out of all these desires, excitements and wants, all I really wish for is...
a little
moment of
peace.
I can't wait until I'm out of here for good. I can't wait to explore the outside world. I can't wait till I can be without these 200 some eyes watching. I can't wait to be free of judgement. I never want to see this place again. I never want to come back to this. I never want to come back to the feeling of someone trying to bore holes into the back of my head, or someone trying to make me look like a fool.
I don't want you to doubt me, because I already doubt myself. And I don't want you to judge wrongly of me, because these people already do. All of the people here, minus a select few, are just rocks on a mountain; they believe they can never be moved and that they are on top of the world, but eventually they will all crumble and fall. We (I and the select few who have banded together to try and make it through this place with only friendship and desperation), however, are like diamonds in the rough; waiting just below the surface for someone to take notice and free us from the rubble until we have the chance to shine with brilliance.
I can't wait for the future. I can't wait to be apart of the world again. I can't wait to share myself with people who will actually appreciate the human being that God and I have created together. I can't wait to experience true friendship.
I am excited to have a conversation with someone who doesn't have double standards or hypocritical ideas of the world. I am excited to know how people without mental instabilities are like. I am excited to see one human interact with another human because they honestly enjoy the another's company, not because they are so utterly desperate for conversation.
I want a normal life. I want to have a normal cup of coffee, with a normal group of people, and a normal little coffee shop, on a normal street corner, where we can watch all the normal people go about their normal day.
I want quiet. I want my own quiet room, with my own quiet bed, with my own quiet music, with my own quiet book.
But out of all these desires, excitements and wants, all I really wish for is...
a little
moment of
peace.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Apple Cup / Writer's Block
Day 89---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kickoff starts at 1600 hrs! I'm betting on the huskies! Uncle Tom owes me 20 bucks if they win. :-)
It's snowing again. Not very excited. Sorry if my writing is a little short and random. I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately and I'm kind of scatter brained. I think I'm ancy for winter break.
I got Daddy's Christmas present the other day. It was the perfect gift; insulated coveralls for work. I can't wait until Monday so I can show them off during trade.
I don't know why I'm so blank. My fingers are wanting to move across the keyboard but my brain is not spouting out any new information!
Kickoff starts at 1600 hrs! I'm betting on the huskies! Uncle Tom owes me 20 bucks if they win. :-)
It's snowing again. Not very excited. Sorry if my writing is a little short and random. I haven't had a whole lot to write about lately and I'm kind of scatter brained. I think I'm ancy for winter break.
I got Daddy's Christmas present the other day. It was the perfect gift; insulated coveralls for work. I can't wait until Monday so I can show them off during trade.
I don't know why I'm so blank. My fingers are wanting to move across the keyboard but my brain is not spouting out any new information!
Friday, December 3, 2010
G.E.D.
Day 88--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On December 2, 2010, I completed my G.E.D with a 668 average which places me in about the 97th percentile. That means that out of 100 high school graduating seniors, I outranked 97 of them. I guess that kind of makes sense because even though I didn't get the 700 average that I wanted (which would've been the new high score) I got the third highest score in the G.E.D. since '08. Still pretty bummed about not achieving my goal but at least I got my G.E.D. :-/
On December 2, 2010, I completed my G.E.D with a 668 average which places me in about the 97th percentile. That means that out of 100 high school graduating seniors, I outranked 97 of them. I guess that kind of makes sense because even though I didn't get the 700 average that I wanted (which would've been the new high score) I got the third highest score in the G.E.D. since '08. Still pretty bummed about not achieving my goal but at least I got my G.E.D. :-/
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Warmth
Day 86--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yay! The snow has been melting all day! I even went outside without a long sleeve undershirt and two jackets, just a t-shirt (which is really over exaggerating how warm it was outside, but I was too excited to care). Only sad thing is that our warmth is to be short-lived. I heard that a storm is supposed to come in and it's supposed to snow from this friday to next. Whoop-dee-doo, I'm so excited (hear the sarcasm? ...Well, no, I guess you can't because it's in writing but you get the idea).
So Daddy sent me something in the mail... still waiting for it. He wouldn't tell me what it was, must be a surprise. Must be a Christmas present. I love Christmas! I love the lights and the songs and the bells. I love the colors and the eggnog and the cookies. I love warm fires and cocoa. Oh, I can't wait to come home! I can't wait to smell my living room and pet my dog, Harry Potter (yes, my dog's name is named after a wizard), and cuddle with my cat, Ivy. Our ancient cat, Kitty, who is more of an expensive couch pillow we pick up after than a cat, likes to meow when her food bowl get's low. Harry likes to bark at anything with legs. Both used to drive me crazy, but now I can't wait to hear them again. I want to smell mud and pine on my clothes. I want to see green things, not this awful brown which is now an endless white.
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the tree tops stay green,
And children are listening
To hear the raindrops overflow
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas,
With every blog post that I write
May your days be merry and bright.
Please don't this Christmas be white.
Yay! The snow has been melting all day! I even went outside without a long sleeve undershirt and two jackets, just a t-shirt (which is really over exaggerating how warm it was outside, but I was too excited to care). Only sad thing is that our warmth is to be short-lived. I heard that a storm is supposed to come in and it's supposed to snow from this friday to next. Whoop-dee-doo, I'm so excited (hear the sarcasm? ...Well, no, I guess you can't because it's in writing but you get the idea).
So Daddy sent me something in the mail... still waiting for it. He wouldn't tell me what it was, must be a surprise. Must be a Christmas present. I love Christmas! I love the lights and the songs and the bells. I love the colors and the eggnog and the cookies. I love warm fires and cocoa. Oh, I can't wait to come home! I can't wait to smell my living room and pet my dog, Harry Potter (yes, my dog's name is named after a wizard), and cuddle with my cat, Ivy. Our ancient cat, Kitty, who is more of an expensive couch pillow we pick up after than a cat, likes to meow when her food bowl get's low. Harry likes to bark at anything with legs. Both used to drive me crazy, but now I can't wait to hear them again. I want to smell mud and pine on my clothes. I want to see green things, not this awful brown which is now an endless white.
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas.
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the tree tops stay green,
And children are listening
To hear the raindrops overflow
I'm dreaming of a green Christmas,
With every blog post that I write
May your days be merry and bright.
Please don't this Christmas be white.
Monday, November 29, 2010
New Blog Title
Day 84----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since 'Eli' is the person I have become while attending Fort Simcoe Job Corps and is also the main character of the life I have been continuously rewriting, I thought Moments in the Life of Eli would be an appropriate blog title. It's funny how it took me almost 3 months of being 'Eli' to figure out what I wanted to name my blog.*
I won't always be called Eli and I think that the most vital 'Eli' phase will be held here at Job Corps. I plan on continuing my blogging over the next stages of my life, every stage becoming a new blog relating to the environment and adventure I will be thrown into. But for now, while this part of my life is still unfolding, this blog shall be the beholder of all my thoughts, sorrows, and pleasures.
*I considered The Book of Eli but that seemed too cheesy since there has already been a movie about that.
Since 'Eli' is the person I have become while attending Fort Simcoe Job Corps and is also the main character of the life I have been continuously rewriting, I thought Moments in the Life of Eli would be an appropriate blog title. It's funny how it took me almost 3 months of being 'Eli' to figure out what I wanted to name my blog.*
I won't always be called Eli and I think that the most vital 'Eli' phase will be held here at Job Corps. I plan on continuing my blogging over the next stages of my life, every stage becoming a new blog relating to the environment and adventure I will be thrown into. But for now, while this part of my life is still unfolding, this blog shall be the beholder of all my thoughts, sorrows, and pleasures.
*I considered The Book of Eli but that seemed too cheesy since there has already been a movie about that.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thanksgiving Weekend / Personal Struggle
Day 83----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Pretty slow and not much to talk about, but I had fun with Jamie and his family. His mom really liked me and she said I'm an excellent house guest and that I am certainly welcome anytime. I met some of Jamie's friends and we stayed out until about 10 or 11. Don't worry we didn't do anything illegal. :P
Jamie and I had a really good time. We stayed up late watching movies and drinking hot cocoa with peppermint ice cream. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and get to know how he is in the real world, instead of only seeing Job Corps behavior. It was very relaxing and turns out that we may be the only sane people at Fort Simcoe. I'm very grateful that he invited me for the holiday; I really needed to get away.
I hated to come back today. I don't like it here, the emotional atmosphere is depressing to the soul. I'm finding that it's very easy to slip back into the place of darkness that I was stuck in for almost 2 1/2 months. I'm up and down. I'm afraid that I really may have bipolar / hypomania disorder. I don't know why I'm so anxious all the time. I'm in trade, I've almost comepleted G.E.D., and I've made my impression on the staff that I am a good student and can be trusted. I AM O-K-A-Y! If I repeat that over and over to myself it makes me feel a bit better. I have to remind myself that I have found solid ground. All the peices are falling into place as they should. Relax, everything is going to be alright. Remember everything is as it should be. I am okay.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Pretty slow and not much to talk about, but I had fun with Jamie and his family. His mom really liked me and she said I'm an excellent house guest and that I am certainly welcome anytime. I met some of Jamie's friends and we stayed out until about 10 or 11. Don't worry we didn't do anything illegal. :P
Jamie and I had a really good time. We stayed up late watching movies and drinking hot cocoa with peppermint ice cream. It was nice to spend some quality time with him and get to know how he is in the real world, instead of only seeing Job Corps behavior. It was very relaxing and turns out that we may be the only sane people at Fort Simcoe. I'm very grateful that he invited me for the holiday; I really needed to get away.
I hated to come back today. I don't like it here, the emotional atmosphere is depressing to the soul. I'm finding that it's very easy to slip back into the place of darkness that I was stuck in for almost 2 1/2 months. I'm up and down. I'm afraid that I really may have bipolar / hypomania disorder. I don't know why I'm so anxious all the time. I'm in trade, I've almost comepleted G.E.D., and I've made my impression on the staff that I am a good student and can be trusted. I AM O-K-A-Y! If I repeat that over and over to myself it makes me feel a bit better. I have to remind myself that I have found solid ground. All the peices are falling into place as they should. Relax, everything is going to be alright. Remember everything is as it should be. I am okay.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Cold
Day 78, 3rd Vocational Training Day---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
More snow. We got about a total of 7 inches last night and accumulated about 1 or 2 more inches today. It's damn cold. I love you, Ma, for the hot packs, but they're so old they only last about 4 hours, not the 10 they are supposed to last for. We shoveled snow for the first two hours of trade today and, once we were finished, put tires and hustled to make our work site and the center as safe as possible. It's very slick out. I haven't seen snow in 24 months (Sequim was without snow last winter) and I clearly have lost my 'snow feet'. I've fallen on my butt several times and my tail bone has the bruises to prove it. It's about -4 right now. I'm gonna die.
I'm very excited to go away for Thanksgiving. Leaving tomorrow at 2pm. Thank the Lord. Warmth and no responsibilities.
More snow. We got about a total of 7 inches last night and accumulated about 1 or 2 more inches today. It's damn cold. I love you, Ma, for the hot packs, but they're so old they only last about 4 hours, not the 10 they are supposed to last for. We shoveled snow for the first two hours of trade today and, once we were finished, put tires and hustled to make our work site and the center as safe as possible. It's very slick out. I haven't seen snow in 24 months (Sequim was without snow last winter) and I clearly have lost my 'snow feet'. I've fallen on my butt several times and my tail bone has the bruises to prove it. It's about -4 right now. I'm gonna die.
I'm very excited to go away for Thanksgiving. Leaving tomorrow at 2pm. Thank the Lord. Warmth and no responsibilities.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Frostbit
Day 77, 2nd Vocational Training Day--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been snowing all day and it hasn't reached above 32 degrees. I was not prepared today. We had to stand outside and make sure that all the machines were running. This means doing your five fluid checks; diesel fluid, engine oil, transmission oil, hydraulic oil, and coolant. Then we had to climb up, sit in an open cab (or a closed one with no heater), then pray the engine starts, and turn the key. If the engine starts then you get to sit in the cold for 10 - 15 min and warm it up. If not, then you get to climb down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. No breaks, no warm ups, just outside all day. I was not wearing enough layers and my legs are frostbitten. Since the warehouse is out of long underwear, I'm going to wear pajamas, sweats, and jeans tomorrow. I am NOT going to freeze my ass off for eight hours again.
It has been snowing all day and it hasn't reached above 32 degrees. I was not prepared today. We had to stand outside and make sure that all the machines were running. This means doing your five fluid checks; diesel fluid, engine oil, transmission oil, hydraulic oil, and coolant. Then we had to climb up, sit in an open cab (or a closed one with no heater), then pray the engine starts, and turn the key. If the engine starts then you get to sit in the cold for 10 - 15 min and warm it up. If not, then you get to climb down, diagnose the problem, and fix it. No breaks, no warm ups, just outside all day. I was not wearing enough layers and my legs are frostbitten. Since the warehouse is out of long underwear, I'm going to wear pajamas, sweats, and jeans tomorrow. I am NOT going to freeze my ass off for eight hours again.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Winter
Day 76-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winter is here at Fort Simcoe. We got a light dusting of snow last night and we're expected to get 1 to 3 inches again tonight. I'm pretty excited. I love snow! I'm like a little kid in a candy store right now. I'm all bundled up, walking around with the heat packs Mom sent, my scarf wrapped so tight, and my beanie pulled down so far down my ears that all you can see is my eyes. I feel like an Eskimo. :-)
I finally have an excuse to listen to Christmas music (thank God, I've only been waiting since August).
I went on Day Pass yesterday. Every Saturday you have an opportunity to go on Day Pass and they take a bus into Yakima to the mall or Walmart. Anyway, I went to the mall looking for shoes and tights to go with my brown dress for Thanksgiving. Now I really hate shopping. I always have an idea about what I want, but no idea where to start looking. So yesterday, I gathered all the shopping sense I had and stopped at Payless Shoes first. I didn't want to spend a million bucks on a pair of shoes I would wear maybe twice a year. As I was looking through the selections I started feeling really hopeless. Oh my goodness, why in the world are there so many designs?? Of course I have no idea whats in style or what might be too much, you know? And every time I put on a pair of heels I could hear my toes screaming. Why in the world do women torture themselves to look 'classy'? I figured I was asking too much to find an 9 1/2W that didn't make my feet look like Frodo Baggins'. I tried to cram my feet into all kinds of 8s and 8 1/2s. Yeah, wasn't going to happen. I was so frustrated I almost gave up, but I decided to take a shot in the big foot section. As I was carelessly scanning the rows and rows of impractical shoes, I spotted a sticker that was out of place and said '9 1/2W'. No way. Next to this sticker was another bright yellow sticker that said '$10'. Oh my gosh! The label on the box noted 'dark brown, two inch heel'. You gotta be freakin kidding me! I took the lid off the box and I swear the ceiling opened, the skies parted, angels sang, and heaven shone down on this pair of shoes. I put them on and they were perfect. I snatched them up and took them to the front counter and the girl asked me if wanted socks or something for half price! I asked for some tights and she picked out the last pair of matching brown ones. I was so excited! I got the finished touches to my outfit for 15 bucks and all under 15min. (Yeah I know, I make it seem like I was in the store forever, but 15 minutes is a long time for this redneck).
After my success at the shoe store I went looking for a present for Jamie's mom, Dawn. My mom told me I should go empty handed and she was right. I knew that Dawn liked quilting and art so I went looking for an arts and crafts store. I never did find one (then again I wasn't putting much effort into looking, I'm so helpless in a mall), but I did see a BIG sign that said 'Up to 50% OFF all FRAMED PAINTINGS'. I was curious so I took the escalator and went to take a look. There were some really beautiful pieces that reminded me of home and the rodeo. It was hard to tell on a few pieces whether it had been painted or photographed. After I was done admiring I was about to walk out when I saw a painting of a farm house with a quote; "Families are stitched together with memories". There were fields surrounding the farm house that had been painted to look like a quited blanket. Wow, that's perfect. I frowned when I saw the price though. It was 88 bucks. Damn. Too bad. Then the salesman came up behind me, I guess noticing my interest and said, "I can lower this one to about $35". I gave him a look that must have been pretty silly since he furrowed his brow and gave me a frown. I quickly recovered and told him that I'd take it. Tax came to about 5$ but I thought it was still a good deal. He seemed eager to get rid of it, which made me wonder if I had made a wise choice, but I'm still happy with my purchase, and I figured he was just happy to get it off the wall. I was afraid it might be too big of a gift for not only is it a rather large painting, but it also wasn't some cheapo Hallmark 'thank you' card. So I called Mom to get some reassurance and she said the gift was very classy and I did I good job. Yay!
After I got all my shopping done, I found a Hurricane Coffee (Tully's, for those of you in different areas), ordered a white peppermint mocha (it must of been the best I've ever had), and a heated cinnamon roll. I then found a comfy couch in the corner where I wouldn't be bothered, curled up with my holiday coffee and pastry, and got a whole 2 hours to enjoy my book. They were even playing Christmas music inside the lounge! I definitely had a perfect day at the mall. :)
Winter is here at Fort Simcoe. We got a light dusting of snow last night and we're expected to get 1 to 3 inches again tonight. I'm pretty excited. I love snow! I'm like a little kid in a candy store right now. I'm all bundled up, walking around with the heat packs Mom sent, my scarf wrapped so tight, and my beanie pulled down so far down my ears that all you can see is my eyes. I feel like an Eskimo. :-)
I finally have an excuse to listen to Christmas music (thank God, I've only been waiting since August).
I went on Day Pass yesterday. Every Saturday you have an opportunity to go on Day Pass and they take a bus into Yakima to the mall or Walmart. Anyway, I went to the mall looking for shoes and tights to go with my brown dress for Thanksgiving. Now I really hate shopping. I always have an idea about what I want, but no idea where to start looking. So yesterday, I gathered all the shopping sense I had and stopped at Payless Shoes first. I didn't want to spend a million bucks on a pair of shoes I would wear maybe twice a year. As I was looking through the selections I started feeling really hopeless. Oh my goodness, why in the world are there so many designs?? Of course I have no idea whats in style or what might be too much, you know? And every time I put on a pair of heels I could hear my toes screaming. Why in the world do women torture themselves to look 'classy'? I figured I was asking too much to find an 9 1/2W that didn't make my feet look like Frodo Baggins'. I tried to cram my feet into all kinds of 8s and 8 1/2s. Yeah, wasn't going to happen. I was so frustrated I almost gave up, but I decided to take a shot in the big foot section. As I was carelessly scanning the rows and rows of impractical shoes, I spotted a sticker that was out of place and said '9 1/2W'. No way. Next to this sticker was another bright yellow sticker that said '$10'. Oh my gosh! The label on the box noted 'dark brown, two inch heel'. You gotta be freakin kidding me! I took the lid off the box and I swear the ceiling opened, the skies parted, angels sang, and heaven shone down on this pair of shoes. I put them on and they were perfect. I snatched them up and took them to the front counter and the girl asked me if wanted socks or something for half price! I asked for some tights and she picked out the last pair of matching brown ones. I was so excited! I got the finished touches to my outfit for 15 bucks and all under 15min. (Yeah I know, I make it seem like I was in the store forever, but 15 minutes is a long time for this redneck).
After my success at the shoe store I went looking for a present for Jamie's mom, Dawn. My mom told me I should go empty handed and she was right. I knew that Dawn liked quilting and art so I went looking for an arts and crafts store. I never did find one (then again I wasn't putting much effort into looking, I'm so helpless in a mall), but I did see a BIG sign that said 'Up to 50% OFF all FRAMED PAINTINGS'. I was curious so I took the escalator and went to take a look. There were some really beautiful pieces that reminded me of home and the rodeo. It was hard to tell on a few pieces whether it had been painted or photographed. After I was done admiring I was about to walk out when I saw a painting of a farm house with a quote; "Families are stitched together with memories". There were fields surrounding the farm house that had been painted to look like a quited blanket. Wow, that's perfect. I frowned when I saw the price though. It was 88 bucks. Damn. Too bad. Then the salesman came up behind me, I guess noticing my interest and said, "I can lower this one to about $35". I gave him a look that must have been pretty silly since he furrowed his brow and gave me a frown. I quickly recovered and told him that I'd take it. Tax came to about 5$ but I thought it was still a good deal. He seemed eager to get rid of it, which made me wonder if I had made a wise choice, but I'm still happy with my purchase, and I figured he was just happy to get it off the wall. I was afraid it might be too big of a gift for not only is it a rather large painting, but it also wasn't some cheapo Hallmark 'thank you' card. So I called Mom to get some reassurance and she said the gift was very classy and I did I good job. Yay!
After I got all my shopping done, I found a Hurricane Coffee (Tully's, for those of you in different areas), ordered a white peppermint mocha (it must of been the best I've ever had), and a heated cinnamon roll. I then found a comfy couch in the corner where I wouldn't be bothered, curled up with my holiday coffee and pastry, and got a whole 2 hours to enjoy my book. They were even playing Christmas music inside the lounge! I definitely had a perfect day at the mall. :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
Lost
Day 74------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I haven't written in a week, as many of you may have noticed. I have been very stressed and I have been making every problem that has come my way a thousand times bigger than it needs to be. I've been an oversensitive, serious, workaholic more and more since I got to Job Corps. My work loads have been far too large and I have been trying to take on the world. I might have potential to be a very successful person, but I've just been doing to much and the only person that brought all this distress on me, was myself. Every other thing brought me to tears, I didn't find jokes funny, teasing upset me, and too much attention from people drove me crazy, but not enough made me lonely. I constantly felt like someone was going to try and stab me in the back. I felt like I was walking on thin ice, like any moment I would screw up and that would be the end.
But this is what had happened; I had forgot who I was. I was becoming a person that everyone else had invented. If someone thought something about me, I usually ended up looking foolish trying to prove them wrong, and they ended up looking like they were right. I was caring too much. Yes, take into consideration the way the world looks at you, but don't strive upon it.
The night before last my 'Vice' Rec President, Sterling Fosnow, quit because I was overdoing my job as 'President'. I was acting as if he was lesser and putting the workload on him if I couldn't make time in my schedule because I was busy doing another 'more important' project. I now realize I was certainly in the wrong. I think I was trying to beat him down, like I wanted to be the one in the spot light and I didn't like the competition.
Anyway, I told my Rec boss that Sterling had quit and he automatically asked, "Was it because of you?"
"... damn, he's good," I thought.
I then told him, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. I guess he just couldn't handle me. I'm just too full of awesomeness."
Of course the only reason that I answered like that was to hide my own insecurities (which I'm totally over now by the way). So our bosses sat me down to hear my side, then the same to Sterling for his side, and then they brought us both in and gave us their feedback.
Long story short, they told me that I shouldn't have been treating him the way I was and I should have his back when students throw him attitude. My Rec bosses didn't say anything that I didn't already know, but for some reason I was stuck in some twisted world of self-righteousness. I wouldn't, couldn't, admit that they were right and I accused them of picking on me. I then scrambled for some excuse to rectify my childish behavior.
That's about when I asked to be excused because I knew I was making a fool of myself and tears were starting to well up underneath my eyelids. As soon as I stepped out of the Recreation doors, my tears, full of rage and frustration, poured down my face. Who was that person? That's not me. Where did I go? I'm not happy anymore. How come am I not happy? What happened? Why am I so lost??
I walked as fast as I could back to the dorms. When I opened the front door and walked down the hall to my room, I kept my hood on and my head down so no one would see me cry. I jammed my room key into the lock and swung the door open. Thank God my roommate, Michelle, wasn't there. The last thing I wanted was to see anyone. I threw my jacket against the wall and flopped onto my bed. I wept into my pillow until I got tired of feeling sorry for myself. Rolled over and just stared at the ceiling. I remembered how someone once told me that when you're at a loss place yourself in the corner (figuratively speaking), take a step back, and take note of everything you see.
So while I was laying in the dark I did just that. I placed myself in the corner and began to record just the person I had become. This is what I saw; a sad, nervous, innocent, modest, serious, quiet, 16 year old girl, who had no street smarts, a lack for sense of humor, and was not able to handle the pressure that comes from a close knit society.
"Who is that?" I thought. Everything that I was had almost been totally wiped away. I wasn't the laid back, headstrong, boisterous, and tough young woman that I was back home. I wanted people to listen because I was respected, not pitied. I wanted to be tested, not expected to do well. I wanted to be appreciated, not taken for granted. I wanted to be ME, not a girl that everyone had made assumptions about, a girl everyone had made up.
I used to think that it would be fun to go somewhere where no one knew you so you could rewrite your life, no one would know any better. But after I hit rock bottom, after I'd finally lost my grip on my 'reality', I realized that I didn't have anything to hide. I am the way I am because that is who I am. I remembered that I don't have to prove myself to the rest of the world to be brilliant or special, I'm already that way. I like being confident and feeling unstoppable, invincible even. That is me!
So I have since redefined myself and quite frankly, I've never felt better. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm laughing and able to joke with my friends and tease them. Whatever hole I was stuck in I've climbed out of (with the help of a few special people). I wasn't sure what was going to happen there for a while. But as of right now, I'm pretty sure I don't really give a damn. I'm just going to do my best and have fun doing it. What's the point of life if you aren't going to have fun living it?! There isn't enough time to wallow and everyday should be a day of celebration. I can tell you this; as long as I never have to go back to that pit of hopelessness and despair, I'll celebrate everyday of my life.
I really missed me.
I haven't written in a week, as many of you may have noticed. I have been very stressed and I have been making every problem that has come my way a thousand times bigger than it needs to be. I've been an oversensitive, serious, workaholic more and more since I got to Job Corps. My work loads have been far too large and I have been trying to take on the world. I might have potential to be a very successful person, but I've just been doing to much and the only person that brought all this distress on me, was myself. Every other thing brought me to tears, I didn't find jokes funny, teasing upset me, and too much attention from people drove me crazy, but not enough made me lonely. I constantly felt like someone was going to try and stab me in the back. I felt like I was walking on thin ice, like any moment I would screw up and that would be the end.
But this is what had happened; I had forgot who I was. I was becoming a person that everyone else had invented. If someone thought something about me, I usually ended up looking foolish trying to prove them wrong, and they ended up looking like they were right. I was caring too much. Yes, take into consideration the way the world looks at you, but don't strive upon it.
The night before last my 'Vice' Rec President, Sterling Fosnow, quit because I was overdoing my job as 'President'. I was acting as if he was lesser and putting the workload on him if I couldn't make time in my schedule because I was busy doing another 'more important' project. I now realize I was certainly in the wrong. I think I was trying to beat him down, like I wanted to be the one in the spot light and I didn't like the competition.
Anyway, I told my Rec boss that Sterling had quit and he automatically asked, "Was it because of you?"
"... damn, he's good," I thought.
I then told him, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was. I guess he just couldn't handle me. I'm just too full of awesomeness."
Of course the only reason that I answered like that was to hide my own insecurities (which I'm totally over now by the way). So our bosses sat me down to hear my side, then the same to Sterling for his side, and then they brought us both in and gave us their feedback.
Long story short, they told me that I shouldn't have been treating him the way I was and I should have his back when students throw him attitude. My Rec bosses didn't say anything that I didn't already know, but for some reason I was stuck in some twisted world of self-righteousness. I wouldn't, couldn't, admit that they were right and I accused them of picking on me. I then scrambled for some excuse to rectify my childish behavior.
That's about when I asked to be excused because I knew I was making a fool of myself and tears were starting to well up underneath my eyelids. As soon as I stepped out of the Recreation doors, my tears, full of rage and frustration, poured down my face. Who was that person? That's not me. Where did I go? I'm not happy anymore. How come am I not happy? What happened? Why am I so lost??
I walked as fast as I could back to the dorms. When I opened the front door and walked down the hall to my room, I kept my hood on and my head down so no one would see me cry. I jammed my room key into the lock and swung the door open. Thank God my roommate, Michelle, wasn't there. The last thing I wanted was to see anyone. I threw my jacket against the wall and flopped onto my bed. I wept into my pillow until I got tired of feeling sorry for myself. Rolled over and just stared at the ceiling. I remembered how someone once told me that when you're at a loss place yourself in the corner (figuratively speaking), take a step back, and take note of everything you see.
So while I was laying in the dark I did just that. I placed myself in the corner and began to record just the person I had become. This is what I saw; a sad, nervous, innocent, modest, serious, quiet, 16 year old girl, who had no street smarts, a lack for sense of humor, and was not able to handle the pressure that comes from a close knit society.
"Who is that?" I thought. Everything that I was had almost been totally wiped away. I wasn't the laid back, headstrong, boisterous, and tough young woman that I was back home. I wanted people to listen because I was respected, not pitied. I wanted to be tested, not expected to do well. I wanted to be appreciated, not taken for granted. I wanted to be ME, not a girl that everyone had made assumptions about, a girl everyone had made up.
I used to think that it would be fun to go somewhere where no one knew you so you could rewrite your life, no one would know any better. But after I hit rock bottom, after I'd finally lost my grip on my 'reality', I realized that I didn't have anything to hide. I am the way I am because that is who I am. I remembered that I don't have to prove myself to the rest of the world to be brilliant or special, I'm already that way. I like being confident and feeling unstoppable, invincible even. That is me!
So I have since redefined myself and quite frankly, I've never felt better. I'm happy. I'm smiling. I'm laughing and able to joke with my friends and tease them. Whatever hole I was stuck in I've climbed out of (with the help of a few special people). I wasn't sure what was going to happen there for a while. But as of right now, I'm pretty sure I don't really give a damn. I'm just going to do my best and have fun doing it. What's the point of life if you aren't going to have fun living it?! There isn't enough time to wallow and everyday should be a day of celebration. I can tell you this; as long as I never have to go back to that pit of hopelessness and despair, I'll celebrate everyday of my life.
I really missed me.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
November 12, 2010
*I'm catching up for the blog I did not have time to write on friday*
November 12, 2010
Day 67, 1st Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I ended up having a pretty good day. I was really nervous because it was my first day officially in trade. My head instructor, Scott Ferguson, kind of scares me a little bit. He wasn't there today and I am very grateful, it only would have added more pressure on me.
I have already made several friends who are in H.E.R., and they quickly got me involved in a project. I was a little reluctant at first, afraid I would break something or mess up, but they insisted and explained that the only way I would really learn is if I tried it. So even though I didn't understand most of the stuff I was fixing, they coached me through it and we managed to get it done.
I learned all about brakes on heavy machinery because we replaced... um... well I can't remember exactly what it was called, but it was a little thingy that was attached to the air tank for the brakes. It's supposed to pop at about 175 psi* but it was popping off at 135 psi which is way too early. It has something to do with safety. I can't remember exactly what it prevents, why, or how it works, but if you told me to fix it, I would remember how to put it together and I could do it again. Besides, that's what I have a whole 21 months and 3 weeks for; to figure out the details.
We also fixed a hydraulic hose that moved a part on something. I can't explain it to you but I could show you what it did.
On another note, since Jamie and I are in the same trade, we can't act like we are romantically interested in one another, or basically anything other than acquaintances, especially if there are rumors going around saying that we are. Trade related relationships are highly frowned upon, and although I don't know what the punishment is, it could very well be removal from vocational training in that area. So Jamie and I spoke very few words to each other. In fact, I counted them and he only spoke ten words to me in the whole day, this includes earlier this morning before trade hours. I asked him where the tape measure was and he said, " I dunno* but I think I know where one is". Ha, wow, what a conversation. I know that he is pretty serious when he is working, and even if we weren't trying to watch our backs he would still act the same, but somehow it still hurt my feelings just a little.
*PSI means 'punds per square inch'
*'dunno' is slang for 'don't know'. He said it just like that too, so it counts as one, instead of two, words.
November 12, 2010
Day 67, 1st Vocational Training Day----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today I ended up having a pretty good day. I was really nervous because it was my first day officially in trade. My head instructor, Scott Ferguson, kind of scares me a little bit. He wasn't there today and I am very grateful, it only would have added more pressure on me.
I have already made several friends who are in H.E.R., and they quickly got me involved in a project. I was a little reluctant at first, afraid I would break something or mess up, but they insisted and explained that the only way I would really learn is if I tried it. So even though I didn't understand most of the stuff I was fixing, they coached me through it and we managed to get it done.
I learned all about brakes on heavy machinery because we replaced... um... well I can't remember exactly what it was called, but it was a little thingy that was attached to the air tank for the brakes. It's supposed to pop at about 175 psi* but it was popping off at 135 psi which is way too early. It has something to do with safety. I can't remember exactly what it prevents, why, or how it works, but if you told me to fix it, I would remember how to put it together and I could do it again. Besides, that's what I have a whole 21 months and 3 weeks for; to figure out the details.
We also fixed a hydraulic hose that moved a part on something. I can't explain it to you but I could show you what it did.
On another note, since Jamie and I are in the same trade, we can't act like we are romantically interested in one another, or basically anything other than acquaintances, especially if there are rumors going around saying that we are. Trade related relationships are highly frowned upon, and although I don't know what the punishment is, it could very well be removal from vocational training in that area. So Jamie and I spoke very few words to each other. In fact, I counted them and he only spoke ten words to me in the whole day, this includes earlier this morning before trade hours. I asked him where the tape measure was and he said, " I dunno* but I think I know where one is". Ha, wow, what a conversation. I know that he is pretty serious when he is working, and even if we weren't trying to watch our backs he would still act the same, but somehow it still hurt my feelings just a little.
*PSI means 'punds per square inch'
*'dunno' is slang for 'don't know'. He said it just like that too, so it counts as one, instead of two, words.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Acceptance
Day 65-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, I was called into the Admission Counselor's office. She handed me a yellow paper and told me to go to H.E.R. and get Scott Ferguson, the instructor, to sign it. This paper was the official form saying I start in part-time education / trade on November 22. I walked down, so bewildered, to trade and held back my urge to celebrate as I watched the instructor sign the paper. Guess what everyone...
I made it.
Although all my friends are celebrating for me, I haven't been talking much about it. I've almost been acting like nothing has changed. Why? I dunno... I just know that there are a lot of people who feel like they have been ripped off because they have waited more than 4 months to get into trade, while I only had to wait two. I'm not sure if it's because I've been working so hard, I've showed exceptional interest and potential, or I just got lucky and came in at the right time when everyone was completing. Either way, I feel that if I celebrated or made a big deal about being in trade, I'd be asking for trouble.
A lot of the people here point fingers before actually thinking about whether or not their accusations even make sense. They just need to blame someone, anyone else, becuase they can't accept the fact that the only one they can blame is themselves. And if that's not the case, they don't want to admit that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them (true story). They hate that they cannot control everything (heaven forbid) and they refuse to accept that maybe shit just happens.
P.S.
Sorry if I got a little off topic there. In all actuality I had a pretty good day, even if it doesn't quite seem like it in this blog. I just needed to vent (once again) about the students at Job Corps. Even when I have a good day and I'm "happy" I'm always kind of moody and tense because I feel like everyone's watching me. Waiting for me to step out of my comfort zone so they can blind side me (figuratively speaking of course). I feel like if I relax, even for a moment, someone might try to ruin this empire I have begun to build for myself.
Today, I was called into the Admission Counselor's office. She handed me a yellow paper and told me to go to H.E.R. and get Scott Ferguson, the instructor, to sign it. This paper was the official form saying I start in part-time education / trade on November 22. I walked down, so bewildered, to trade and held back my urge to celebrate as I watched the instructor sign the paper. Guess what everyone...
I made it.
Although all my friends are celebrating for me, I haven't been talking much about it. I've almost been acting like nothing has changed. Why? I dunno... I just know that there are a lot of people who feel like they have been ripped off because they have waited more than 4 months to get into trade, while I only had to wait two. I'm not sure if it's because I've been working so hard, I've showed exceptional interest and potential, or I just got lucky and came in at the right time when everyone was completing. Either way, I feel that if I celebrated or made a big deal about being in trade, I'd be asking for trouble.
A lot of the people here point fingers before actually thinking about whether or not their accusations even make sense. They just need to blame someone, anyone else, becuase they can't accept the fact that the only one they can blame is themselves. And if that's not the case, they don't want to admit that the world does not, in fact, revolve around them (true story). They hate that they cannot control everything (heaven forbid) and they refuse to accept that maybe shit just happens.
P.S.
Sorry if I got a little off topic there. In all actuality I had a pretty good day, even if it doesn't quite seem like it in this blog. I just needed to vent (once again) about the students at Job Corps. Even when I have a good day and I'm "happy" I'm always kind of moody and tense because I feel like everyone's watching me. Waiting for me to step out of my comfort zone so they can blind side me (figuratively speaking of course). I feel like if I relax, even for a moment, someone might try to ruin this empire I have begun to build for myself.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Veterans Day
Day 63------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Veterans Day Essay Competition
Topic: What Veterans Day Means to Me
350 word maximum
Prizes: Gift Cards to Walmart
1st place - $50
2nd place - $30
3rd place - $20
Veterans Day
What used to be known as Armistice Day to celebrate those who served in World War 1, Veterans Day was officially established on June 1, 1954 to honor all of our men and women who have fought for our rights and freedom in the United States of America.
Veterans Day is a day when our country can take a moment from our busy lives to appreciate and remember that freedom doesn't come free. It's a day to remember the 1,350,000 men and women who have lost their lives in the past 231 years, a time to thank the 3,000,000 men and women who are currently serving in the U.S. military, and a moment to take our hats off to the 23,530,000 veterans who are alive today.
Most all of these people have witnessed the cruelty and brutality of war. The harsh smell of sulfur, the piercing sound of gunfire, the agony of sharp objects as they slice through their skin, the taste of copper and salt as the blood and sweat and tears pour down their faces. But most of all, our soldiers have seen the pain, suffering, and chaos of the unforgiving battle field. Those who have returned home to their families have been scarred forever with the terror and bloodshed that not even the most courageous of men could ever forget.
I believe it is important, for all of us as a nation, to commemorate those who have laid down their lives for this country. Although the world will little note what is said about our veterans, it can never forget what they have done for us, the people of the United States of America, for the hard work of our beloved soldiers shows in the freedom and rights that we still have today.
Veterans Day Essay Competition
Topic: What Veterans Day Means to Me
350 word maximum
Prizes: Gift Cards to Walmart
1st place - $50
2nd place - $30
3rd place - $20
Veterans Day
What used to be known as Armistice Day to celebrate those who served in World War 1, Veterans Day was officially established on June 1, 1954 to honor all of our men and women who have fought for our rights and freedom in the United States of America.
Veterans Day is a day when our country can take a moment from our busy lives to appreciate and remember that freedom doesn't come free. It's a day to remember the 1,350,000 men and women who have lost their lives in the past 231 years, a time to thank the 3,000,000 men and women who are currently serving in the U.S. military, and a moment to take our hats off to the 23,530,000 veterans who are alive today.
Most all of these people have witnessed the cruelty and brutality of war. The harsh smell of sulfur, the piercing sound of gunfire, the agony of sharp objects as they slice through their skin, the taste of copper and salt as the blood and sweat and tears pour down their faces. But most of all, our soldiers have seen the pain, suffering, and chaos of the unforgiving battle field. Those who have returned home to their families have been scarred forever with the terror and bloodshed that not even the most courageous of men could ever forget.
I believe it is important, for all of us as a nation, to commemorate those who have laid down their lives for this country. Although the world will little note what is said about our veterans, it can never forget what they have done for us, the people of the United States of America, for the hard work of our beloved soldiers shows in the freedom and rights that we still have today.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My Business
Day 62----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So it seems that everyone is interested in MY BUSINESS. A lot of the girls have been talking crap about me behind my back. They are spreading all sorts of rumors about me and Jamie (the guy whose family I'm spending Thanksgiving with). I've heard things like we've kissed (Oh really? Where the hell was I?), that he's only taking me home for one reason, and even that I'm just trying to get attention. A few of the guys are doing the same things to him; cat calling, giving him high fives, asking him to give them details on how great the sex is. One of the guys even walked up to him and said, "If you do anything with Elizabeth during Thanksgiving, let me know because I don't want your sloppy seconds".
For one, it's no ones business who I hang out with or what I do with that individual, it's MY choice. Two, nothing is going between Jamie and me (not that anyone has a right to know), he invited me to his house because I live too far away and it's too expensive for me to get home. Three, I cannot believe that these people think so little of me. They think that I would just jump into his bed because I have been spending time with him. God forbid I have a few enjoyable and intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. And four, even if we WERE involved, I wouldn't let it interfere with my schooling or bring it into the work place. If it turned out that it was becoming an issue, I'd let it go. I came here for me, not for a relationship. I came to improve myself, to get ahead in what I want, and I certainly did not come here to please any of the foolish and ignorant people here.
So it seems that everyone is interested in MY BUSINESS. A lot of the girls have been talking crap about me behind my back. They are spreading all sorts of rumors about me and Jamie (the guy whose family I'm spending Thanksgiving with). I've heard things like we've kissed (Oh really? Where the hell was I?), that he's only taking me home for one reason, and even that I'm just trying to get attention. A few of the guys are doing the same things to him; cat calling, giving him high fives, asking him to give them details on how great the sex is. One of the guys even walked up to him and said, "If you do anything with Elizabeth during Thanksgiving, let me know because I don't want your sloppy seconds".
For one, it's no ones business who I hang out with or what I do with that individual, it's MY choice. Two, nothing is going between Jamie and me (not that anyone has a right to know), he invited me to his house because I live too far away and it's too expensive for me to get home. Three, I cannot believe that these people think so little of me. They think that I would just jump into his bed because I have been spending time with him. God forbid I have a few enjoyable and intelligent conversations with the opposite sex. And four, even if we WERE involved, I wouldn't let it interfere with my schooling or bring it into the work place. If it turned out that it was becoming an issue, I'd let it go. I came here for me, not for a relationship. I came to improve myself, to get ahead in what I want, and I certainly did not come here to please any of the foolish and ignorant people here.
Grandparents' Weekend / Chaos
Day 62------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (*) refer to bottom
My grandparents came and picked me up Friday, punctual as ever, so I had to throw some stuff in a bag and call it good. I finally signed out at the Duty Office after grandpa had a nice 15 min chat with my Rec boss about fishing (of course), and we drove from base* into Union Gap and at dinner at Miner's. This place had burgers, "The size of steering wheels," as Grandpa said, and boy was he not joking. After dinner we went to my great-uncle Tom's place to stay the night. I weighed myself and I had gained almost 10 lbs from that burger, fries, and the large root beer float I ate (don't worry I was back to normal by morning). We stayed up late Friday night and had a wonderful conversation with Avril, the English woman who takes care of Travis (my aunt and uncle's son) and, until recently, Great Grandma Sauve.
Saturday was pretty lazy. Since we slept in the windowless basement, of which Uncle Tom has decked out with Washington State University Cougars' stuff (he calls it the Cougar Den), it was easy to lose track of time. I didn't wake up till about 0930 and even then I didn't get out of bed until 1045. Grandma, Grandpa, and I finally got out of the house at 1230 - 1300 and we went out to an amazing mexican restaurant for a quiet lunch.
After lunch, we went shopping and I got some new work boots (which I LOVE! Thanks Grandma & Grandpa!), hangers, toothpaste, and a few other necessities. I'm very excited about my new boots because now I don't have to wear the crappy ones Job Corps issues us.
Later, when we had gotten all the things I needed, we went back to Uncle Tom's, back down into the Cougar Den, and watched several games of football. Sorry Huskies, you tried! Haha Cougs, you just couldn't take the heat!* At about 1830 we all loaded up once again to bring me back to base. It was sad to see my grandparents go, especially since I won't see them until next spring when they get back from Hawaii. But like grandpa said, it's not like there isn't such a thing as a telephone.
Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I can't be gone for 28 hrs without this whole place turning into complete and utter chaos! I was here 15 min and I was bombarded with people asking me if McGee* was alright. I was totally confused about what they were asking when finally one person explained that McGee had been caught drinking heavily on center. I couldn't believe it. The very last thing that I want to have happen is McGee getting kicked off center. He's one of the few people here that keep me sane. As it turns out, he was drinking Black Velvet with Pepsi, acting totally belligerent, while hanging out at Rec. I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do now, but if I had just been here, I could have talked him out of it. At least kept him safe. I'm praying for him now, hoping that he stays.*
*Fort Simcoe. 'Base' is what students call it most of the time.
*Funny how I'm a Washington State Huskies fan that stayed over night in a Cougar Den.
*McGee is one of my dear friends here at Fort Simcoe.
*The last time I went on weekend pass with my parents, I came back (on Sunday) and Recreation hadn't been cleaned since Friday (the day I left). This weekend, my Vice President took some sort of last minute "days off" without notifying me, so there were no Rec Leaders whatsoever that could have prevented this. What the hell good is a Vice President if he can't pick up the slack when I'm gone?
My grandparents came and picked me up Friday, punctual as ever, so I had to throw some stuff in a bag and call it good. I finally signed out at the Duty Office after grandpa had a nice 15 min chat with my Rec boss about fishing (of course), and we drove from base* into Union Gap and at dinner at Miner's. This place had burgers, "The size of steering wheels," as Grandpa said, and boy was he not joking. After dinner we went to my great-uncle Tom's place to stay the night. I weighed myself and I had gained almost 10 lbs from that burger, fries, and the large root beer float I ate (don't worry I was back to normal by morning). We stayed up late Friday night and had a wonderful conversation with Avril, the English woman who takes care of Travis (my aunt and uncle's son) and, until recently, Great Grandma Sauve.
Saturday was pretty lazy. Since we slept in the windowless basement, of which Uncle Tom has decked out with Washington State University Cougars' stuff (he calls it the Cougar Den), it was easy to lose track of time. I didn't wake up till about 0930 and even then I didn't get out of bed until 1045. Grandma, Grandpa, and I finally got out of the house at 1230 - 1300 and we went out to an amazing mexican restaurant for a quiet lunch.
After lunch, we went shopping and I got some new work boots (which I LOVE! Thanks Grandma & Grandpa!), hangers, toothpaste, and a few other necessities. I'm very excited about my new boots because now I don't have to wear the crappy ones Job Corps issues us.
Later, when we had gotten all the things I needed, we went back to Uncle Tom's, back down into the Cougar Den, and watched several games of football. Sorry Huskies, you tried! Haha Cougs, you just couldn't take the heat!* At about 1830 we all loaded up once again to bring me back to base. It was sad to see my grandparents go, especially since I won't see them until next spring when they get back from Hawaii. But like grandpa said, it's not like there isn't such a thing as a telephone.
Oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I can't be gone for 28 hrs without this whole place turning into complete and utter chaos! I was here 15 min and I was bombarded with people asking me if McGee* was alright. I was totally confused about what they were asking when finally one person explained that McGee had been caught drinking heavily on center. I couldn't believe it. The very last thing that I want to have happen is McGee getting kicked off center. He's one of the few people here that keep me sane. As it turns out, he was drinking Black Velvet with Pepsi, acting totally belligerent, while hanging out at Rec. I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do now, but if I had just been here, I could have talked him out of it. At least kept him safe. I'm praying for him now, hoping that he stays.*
*Fort Simcoe. 'Base' is what students call it most of the time.
*Funny how I'm a Washington State Huskies fan that stayed over night in a Cougar Den.
*McGee is one of my dear friends here at Fort Simcoe.
*The last time I went on weekend pass with my parents, I came back (on Sunday) and Recreation hadn't been cleaned since Friday (the day I left). This weekend, my Vice President took some sort of last minute "days off" without notifying me, so there were no Rec Leaders whatsoever that could have prevented this. What the hell good is a Vice President if he can't pick up the slack when I'm gone?
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Close Quarters
Day 58-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not much time to talk so I'll just give you the low down.
My roommate, Michelle Collins, and I have been fighting. She has some personal business going on and she's been angry at the world, but because I'm her roomy, I've been getting the full force of it. What sucks is that she's a leader and she can give referrals and she's also been here longer than me, so she could totally ruin my life if she wanted. I'm trying to avoid her but we're in such close quarters that I don't really have a choice.
In fact the other day I was coming back from hands-on in Auto Shop and I was covered in grease. I NEEDED a shower before I went down to Rec, but Michelle was in the shower. I told her I needed to take one and she says, "Obviously I'm taking one so I don't know what to tell you". Well, I wasn't about to wait so I popped the lock, grabbed what I needed and went down the hall to use another girls' shower.
Later, Michelle brought it up at account behind when I was busy taking care of Rec. I just got in trouble for doing something similar that was not even as vicious. She made it sound like she was the total victim. She said that I had stormed in, slammed the door against the wall, slammed my drawers, and stormed out. She said she felt like her privacy had totally been invaded. I've seen this girl change for God sakes! I've spoken to her while she's been in the shower before! I didn't even know how to the pop the lock until she showed me how.
I'm seriously considering a room change. I can't be my best and work on my life when I'm trying to be how everyone else thinks I should be.
*Michelle is also angry because I tracked in dirt from the pumpkin patch. She told me she almost had a mental breakdown because of my uncleanliness. Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to be in HEAVY MACHINERY REPAIR and there WILL BE DIRT sometimes. The last thing I need in an unstable, clean freak sharing a room with me.
Not much time to talk so I'll just give you the low down.
My roommate, Michelle Collins, and I have been fighting. She has some personal business going on and she's been angry at the world, but because I'm her roomy, I've been getting the full force of it. What sucks is that she's a leader and she can give referrals and she's also been here longer than me, so she could totally ruin my life if she wanted. I'm trying to avoid her but we're in such close quarters that I don't really have a choice.
In fact the other day I was coming back from hands-on in Auto Shop and I was covered in grease. I NEEDED a shower before I went down to Rec, but Michelle was in the shower. I told her I needed to take one and she says, "Obviously I'm taking one so I don't know what to tell you". Well, I wasn't about to wait so I popped the lock, grabbed what I needed and went down the hall to use another girls' shower.
Later, Michelle brought it up at account behind when I was busy taking care of Rec. I just got in trouble for doing something similar that was not even as vicious. She made it sound like she was the total victim. She said that I had stormed in, slammed the door against the wall, slammed my drawers, and stormed out. She said she felt like her privacy had totally been invaded. I've seen this girl change for God sakes! I've spoken to her while she's been in the shower before! I didn't even know how to the pop the lock until she showed me how.
I'm seriously considering a room change. I can't be my best and work on my life when I'm trying to be how everyone else thinks I should be.
*Michelle is also angry because I tracked in dirt from the pumpkin patch. She told me she almost had a mental breakdown because of my uncleanliness. Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to be in HEAVY MACHINERY REPAIR and there WILL BE DIRT sometimes. The last thing I need in an unstable, clean freak sharing a room with me.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Referral
Day 56-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I forgot to mention the other day that I got my first Dorm Court Referral. Referrals are usually given out for misbehaviour, tardiness, absence, and mistreatment of the other students. I received one for "degrading a student" and "spreading gossip". Here's what happened.
We were all sitting in account and the dorm leaders asked if anyone had any announcements. Well one girl, Michelle Green, declared that she had been promoted to Study Leader (the computer room). Now, this girl is VERY heavy, unhealthily so. And not just chubby, but like obese where her body is all out of proportion. Of course, this leads to very, very low self-esteem. So she puts herself out there for all kinds of sexual activity to any of the boys (the weird ones I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) who are willing. She then goes around and boasts about all of the things she has done. No one really wants to hear it, it makes me kind of sick thinking about it. But there she goes, going on and on about who's been with her and (in detail, mind you) what they've done. Yet, she's so surprised and hurt when the students talk about how much of a fat wh*re she is. I never, ever would say anything about someone like that, I've been at that end of the stick before. But that doesn't mean I don't hear about it.
Anyway, I've caught her looking at porn sites online that the center has not blocked, and other students have caught her too. When she said she was leader of the lab, I raised my hand (remember, in account with the other girls) and said, "I don't think it's fair that Michelle is leader because I've seen her look at porn". Immediately, the other girls chimed in and started saying their complaints and comments on the subject. Michelle looked shocked like she couldn't believe someone would accuse her of such a thing. Come on, it's not like it's some big secret. It didn't take long at all for her to come out and admit to it. Yet no one demoted her from Study Leader!
I got the ass end, of course. Everyone feels bad for the big girl with a psychological imbalance. And I was the pretty girl who singles out girls and makes them victims. I did not say what I said to degrade anyone. I did not say anything that wasn't true. I did not start a rumor, and I certainly did not say anything no one else had known about. I simply stated my opinion, based on a fact, to prove a point.
It doesn't help that the dorm has a whole new set of leaders who have decided to take matters into their own hands and 'clean up' our attitudes. I'm sorry, but I haven't been here long enough to be a contributor to whatever mess they've been fighting for months before I got here. These leaders have been handing out referrals left and right, for the smallest stuff! A girl got a referral for being overheard telling another girl she didn't like the new authority. We can't even talk about our feelings or tell others about our opinions! This is tyranny.
This referral scared the life out of me because I promised the HER instructor I wouldn't start any fights, and the last thing I wanted was for this to go on my record. It would make me seem like I had a bad attitude, which is certainly unacceptable in the work place. I have more to prove than most any of these students, and certainly any of these girls. I have to work twice as hard,be twice as behaved and polite, and a hundred times more professional. After fighting it for a while to be dismissed, I pleaded guilty to this referral so that I could personally see it torn up and thrown away, never to be recorded. It felt wrong to plead guilty to something I do not feel guilty for, but I suppose it was necessary.
I forgot to mention the other day that I got my first Dorm Court Referral. Referrals are usually given out for misbehaviour, tardiness, absence, and mistreatment of the other students. I received one for "degrading a student" and "spreading gossip". Here's what happened.
We were all sitting in account and the dorm leaders asked if anyone had any announcements. Well one girl, Michelle Green, declared that she had been promoted to Study Leader (the computer room). Now, this girl is VERY heavy, unhealthily so. And not just chubby, but like obese where her body is all out of proportion. Of course, this leads to very, very low self-esteem. So she puts herself out there for all kinds of sexual activity to any of the boys (the weird ones I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole) who are willing. She then goes around and boasts about all of the things she has done. No one really wants to hear it, it makes me kind of sick thinking about it. But there she goes, going on and on about who's been with her and (in detail, mind you) what they've done. Yet, she's so surprised and hurt when the students talk about how much of a fat wh*re she is. I never, ever would say anything about someone like that, I've been at that end of the stick before. But that doesn't mean I don't hear about it.
Anyway, I've caught her looking at porn sites online that the center has not blocked, and other students have caught her too. When she said she was leader of the lab, I raised my hand (remember, in account with the other girls) and said, "I don't think it's fair that Michelle is leader because I've seen her look at porn". Immediately, the other girls chimed in and started saying their complaints and comments on the subject. Michelle looked shocked like she couldn't believe someone would accuse her of such a thing. Come on, it's not like it's some big secret. It didn't take long at all for her to come out and admit to it. Yet no one demoted her from Study Leader!
I got the ass end, of course. Everyone feels bad for the big girl with a psychological imbalance. And I was the pretty girl who singles out girls and makes them victims. I did not say what I said to degrade anyone. I did not say anything that wasn't true. I did not start a rumor, and I certainly did not say anything no one else had known about. I simply stated my opinion, based on a fact, to prove a point.
It doesn't help that the dorm has a whole new set of leaders who have decided to take matters into their own hands and 'clean up' our attitudes. I'm sorry, but I haven't been here long enough to be a contributor to whatever mess they've been fighting for months before I got here. These leaders have been handing out referrals left and right, for the smallest stuff! A girl got a referral for being overheard telling another girl she didn't like the new authority. We can't even talk about our feelings or tell others about our opinions! This is tyranny.
This referral scared the life out of me because I promised the HER instructor I wouldn't start any fights, and the last thing I wanted was for this to go on my record. It would make me seem like I had a bad attitude, which is certainly unacceptable in the work place. I have more to prove than most any of these students, and certainly any of these girls. I have to work twice as hard,be twice as behaved and polite, and a hundred times more professional. After fighting it for a while to be dismissed, I pleaded guilty to this referral so that I could personally see it torn up and thrown away, never to be recorded. It felt wrong to plead guilty to something I do not feel guilty for, but I suppose it was necessary.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Busy Halloween
Day 54--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This week has been extremely busy. I've had a lot going on at Rec because they're doing a whole bunch of Halloween activities.
Thursday there was a dance and I wore my brown dress that I hadn't worn for any event yet. All the boys were whistling and the girls were jealous, but all in all, everyone was impressed since the only thing I wear is blue jeans and sweats. The dance itself was pretty terrible though. They didn't play very good music and no one danced. It felt like middle school all over again. I ended up going to Rec and playing pool in my dress instead. I'm not much of a dancer anyway.
I carved a pumpkin yesterday. Not my best one but I definitely know what I'm doing next year. I have at all planned out in my head. All I need to do is put in on paper.
I'm going to the corn maze tonight, everyone has been saying how fun it is. I guess they have people standing in costumes waiting to jump out and scare you. Our pumpkin patch has always closed at night, so this should be pretty exciting.
My friend (yes, he's a guy) Jamie Turner's family invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them. I would have stayed on center but I didn't want to be rude and Jamie's got some work lined up so I might be able to make a few extra bucks. Everyone is gonna think that we're like together or whatever but it's so not even like that. The only person I came here for was me and I'm not going to waste my time worrying about someone else. Jamie's family only offered becuase they know how relieving it is to get off center and away from all the BS for a while. And besides, no one should be alone on Thanksgiving.
This week has been extremely busy. I've had a lot going on at Rec because they're doing a whole bunch of Halloween activities.
Thursday there was a dance and I wore my brown dress that I hadn't worn for any event yet. All the boys were whistling and the girls were jealous, but all in all, everyone was impressed since the only thing I wear is blue jeans and sweats. The dance itself was pretty terrible though. They didn't play very good music and no one danced. It felt like middle school all over again. I ended up going to Rec and playing pool in my dress instead. I'm not much of a dancer anyway.
I carved a pumpkin yesterday. Not my best one but I definitely know what I'm doing next year. I have at all planned out in my head. All I need to do is put in on paper.
I'm going to the corn maze tonight, everyone has been saying how fun it is. I guess they have people standing in costumes waiting to jump out and scare you. Our pumpkin patch has always closed at night, so this should be pretty exciting.
My friend (yes, he's a guy) Jamie Turner's family invited me to spend Thanksgiving with them. I would have stayed on center but I didn't want to be rude and Jamie's got some work lined up so I might be able to make a few extra bucks. Everyone is gonna think that we're like together or whatever but it's so not even like that. The only person I came here for was me and I'm not going to waste my time worrying about someone else. Jamie's family only offered becuase they know how relieving it is to get off center and away from all the BS for a while. And besides, no one should be alone on Thanksgiving.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Good News
Day 49----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, about that good news, I have officially been appointed Recreational President. My job is to try and come up with creative activities for students, advise Rec Staff on student punishment, and keep things organized. But other than that, my duties are more or less the same as far as reinforcing the rules; no chewing, excessive public display of affection, excessive horseplay, misuse of equipment, and swearing. Of course, I have to play for both teams and keep the staff and the students happy.
I wouldn't say I let students get away with a lot, but I'm not a hard ass either. If I have to repeatedly ask a student to behave, I inform the staff and let them deal with it. Most of the kids in Rec are my friends anyway and they respect me so they listen to me, more or less. Many of the them also happen to be guys that admire me, and a quick bat of the eyelashes and a pouty face goes a long way. Don't get me wrong, I have kicked a few of my friends out for not taking me seriously. They know that behind these big brown eyes there is a woman not to be messed with. As my Mom always says, "Don't poke the sleeping bear".
I was also appointed Wing Two Leader in the Dorm. Originally, the Dorm Manager, Barbara Corpuz, wanted me to be Dorm Chief, the highest position within the dorm. Alas, the other head staff was against it; she didn't think it was fair to the other girls or that I was ready, so that didn't happen. Wing Leader is not a big step and its not a hard job. What exactly does it entitle? I'm not sure because I politely declined the position. The reason is because you can't be a leader in Rec, a member of the SGA (next paragraph), and a leader in the dorm, so something had to give. And besides, it won't be my last chance for a dorm position.
I recently signed up for a position in the SGA (Student Government Association). I very much hope that I am elected as Vice President. I think that I could really make some significant changes. Maybe not right away, but over time anything is possible. I felt that I could have more of an effect on student lives and make a difference to a larger amount of students while being a member of SGA, rather than being Dorm Chief and trying to influence a bunch of crabby, defiant, emotional, PMS driven young adults.
*punctuation is hard! damn commas and semicolons. grrrrr*
Anywho, other than that I don't believe I have any more serious updates. I'll keep you posted. 'Night all!
P.S.
Almost forgot! Today, all the students who went on the fishing trip went to a salmon barbecue. I guess it was kind of a 'Thanks for helping out' kind of thing. The food was delicious and I had a really good day! :)
So, about that good news, I have officially been appointed Recreational President. My job is to try and come up with creative activities for students, advise Rec Staff on student punishment, and keep things organized. But other than that, my duties are more or less the same as far as reinforcing the rules; no chewing, excessive public display of affection, excessive horseplay, misuse of equipment, and swearing. Of course, I have to play for both teams and keep the staff and the students happy.
I wouldn't say I let students get away with a lot, but I'm not a hard ass either. If I have to repeatedly ask a student to behave, I inform the staff and let them deal with it. Most of the kids in Rec are my friends anyway and they respect me so they listen to me, more or less. Many of the them also happen to be guys that admire me, and a quick bat of the eyelashes and a pouty face goes a long way. Don't get me wrong, I have kicked a few of my friends out for not taking me seriously. They know that behind these big brown eyes there is a woman not to be messed with. As my Mom always says, "Don't poke the sleeping bear".
I was also appointed Wing Two Leader in the Dorm. Originally, the Dorm Manager, Barbara Corpuz, wanted me to be Dorm Chief, the highest position within the dorm. Alas, the other head staff was against it; she didn't think it was fair to the other girls or that I was ready, so that didn't happen. Wing Leader is not a big step and its not a hard job. What exactly does it entitle? I'm not sure because I politely declined the position. The reason is because you can't be a leader in Rec, a member of the SGA (next paragraph), and a leader in the dorm, so something had to give. And besides, it won't be my last chance for a dorm position.
I recently signed up for a position in the SGA (Student Government Association). I very much hope that I am elected as Vice President. I think that I could really make some significant changes. Maybe not right away, but over time anything is possible. I felt that I could have more of an effect on student lives and make a difference to a larger amount of students while being a member of SGA, rather than being Dorm Chief and trying to influence a bunch of crabby, defiant, emotional, PMS driven young adults.
*punctuation is hard! damn commas and semicolons. grrrrr*
Anywho, other than that I don't believe I have any more serious updates. I'll keep you posted. 'Night all!
P.S.
Almost forgot! Today, all the students who went on the fishing trip went to a salmon barbecue. I guess it was kind of a 'Thanks for helping out' kind of thing. The food was delicious and I had a really good day! :)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Family Weekend
Day 48---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry I haven't written in four days. I wasn't able to get near a computer all weekend because Mom and John came to visit, and they brought Harry Potter (my dog)! They picked me up on Friday and we went to stay at Great Grandma Sauve's old house (so sorry she wasn't there!). We ate steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob for dinner. First REAL meal I've had in weeks! You probably don't know this, but on campus, anything they fry in vegetable oil and any mixed meat has soy additive. Well I'm allergic to soy and since they serve that almost everyday, I've been sticking to things I know are safe like salad, sandwiches, bacon (they broil in the oven), etc. So you could understand how relieved I was to have some real meat.
Anyway, after dinner, we all watched movies on this itty bitty tv that was left in the house. The screen was so small, John had to grab a stool and sit 3 ft away becuase he couldn't see from the couch. The whole thing was rather comical.
On Saturday, we went out to breakfast then came back and hung out for a while. Around 1800hrs, John went out to watch the Huskies football game at the casino and Mom and I stayed at the house, carved pumpkins, and listened to a book on tape.
Sunday (today), we came back to base and I dropped off my stuff in the dorm and showed them around. They left about an hour later. It was really good to see my family (and Harry) and I'm really glad they could make the 7hr drive out here, but at the same time, I wished I had just stayed on campus. It's just so hard to say goodbye. I miss everyone back home dearly.
*sorry for any incorrect punctuation, I was having some trouble*
P.S.
I have some good news, but I don't have time. Tell you tomorrow!
Sorry I haven't written in four days. I wasn't able to get near a computer all weekend because Mom and John came to visit, and they brought Harry Potter (my dog)! They picked me up on Friday and we went to stay at Great Grandma Sauve's old house (so sorry she wasn't there!). We ate steak, potatoes, and corn on the cob for dinner. First REAL meal I've had in weeks! You probably don't know this, but on campus, anything they fry in vegetable oil and any mixed meat has soy additive. Well I'm allergic to soy and since they serve that almost everyday, I've been sticking to things I know are safe like salad, sandwiches, bacon (they broil in the oven), etc. So you could understand how relieved I was to have some real meat.
Anyway, after dinner, we all watched movies on this itty bitty tv that was left in the house. The screen was so small, John had to grab a stool and sit 3 ft away becuase he couldn't see from the couch. The whole thing was rather comical.
On Saturday, we went out to breakfast then came back and hung out for a while. Around 1800hrs, John went out to watch the Huskies football game at the casino and Mom and I stayed at the house, carved pumpkins, and listened to a book on tape.
Sunday (today), we came back to base and I dropped off my stuff in the dorm and showed them around. They left about an hour later. It was really good to see my family (and Harry) and I'm really glad they could make the 7hr drive out here, but at the same time, I wished I had just stayed on campus. It's just so hard to say goodbye. I miss everyone back home dearly.
*sorry for any incorrect punctuation, I was having some trouble*
P.S.
I have some good news, but I don't have time. Tell you tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Fish Hatchery
Day 44-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, ten other students and I went to Prosser to herd salmon for the fish hatchery. This is how it worked; we took big nets that dragged at the bottom walked them through the water from one end to the net at the other end. It was probably a quarter mile walk. That's a long ways in the water dragging a huge net behind you.
Once we got to the end of the dam, we pulled the net into a small half circle. We then proceeded to catch the salmon with our hands. It was hard work! They were too strong for me and I only caught three, but some of the boys caught on really quick and were practically just dunking their hands in and bringing them up! After we caught the salmon, we put them in bags and sent them up the hill to the fish truck filled with water. Those salmon were pretty heavy and hard to control, especially since my hands were frozen from the cold water. We worked from about 0900 to 1300hrs.
After all the salmon were caught, our Rec Staff, Steve Gardiner, said there was to be a grand finale. He chose the 4 students who caught the most fish and split them up into two teams. We then walked down to a small pond. In it, there were two 20 year old sturgeon ( a bottom-feeding fish about 13 ft long (at that age) and 145 - 200lbs). Each team was to try and catch one, first team that did, won. No prize, they just simply had the satisfaction of winning.
It was rather amusing watching to boys squeal like little girls everytime the sturgeon swam past. Although, I could understand, it IS a damn big fish. It didn't take long for the two teams to try and work together on one fish, and it took even less time for the other guys want to join the fun and jump in the pond with 'em. There ended up being about seven kids and one pissed off fish wrestling in the water, myself not included.
At the end of the day, we were all cold, soaked, and covered and smelling like fish slime. Yum. As soon as we got back to base, I took a long hot shower and put on some clean, dry, not fishy clothing. All in all, I had a pretty good day.
(Do you guys think the above blog is essay material? It's not really essay format, there are some things I didn't do (like a thesis statement), but I have my writing test tomorrow. I thought it would be good to put my new found skills to use.)
Wish me luck on my writing GED test everyone! I'm going to hit the hay early so I'm fully rested. I'm feeling pretty confident that I will do well. I've studied hard and I think it will pay off. Night all.
Today, ten other students and I went to Prosser to herd salmon for the fish hatchery. This is how it worked; we took big nets that dragged at the bottom walked them through the water from one end to the net at the other end. It was probably a quarter mile walk. That's a long ways in the water dragging a huge net behind you.
Once we got to the end of the dam, we pulled the net into a small half circle. We then proceeded to catch the salmon with our hands. It was hard work! They were too strong for me and I only caught three, but some of the boys caught on really quick and were practically just dunking their hands in and bringing them up! After we caught the salmon, we put them in bags and sent them up the hill to the fish truck filled with water. Those salmon were pretty heavy and hard to control, especially since my hands were frozen from the cold water. We worked from about 0900 to 1300hrs.
After all the salmon were caught, our Rec Staff, Steve Gardiner, said there was to be a grand finale. He chose the 4 students who caught the most fish and split them up into two teams. We then walked down to a small pond. In it, there were two 20 year old sturgeon ( a bottom-feeding fish about 13 ft long (at that age) and 145 - 200lbs). Each team was to try and catch one, first team that did, won. No prize, they just simply had the satisfaction of winning.
It was rather amusing watching to boys squeal like little girls everytime the sturgeon swam past. Although, I could understand, it IS a damn big fish. It didn't take long for the two teams to try and work together on one fish, and it took even less time for the other guys want to join the fun and jump in the pond with 'em. There ended up being about seven kids and one pissed off fish wrestling in the water, myself not included.
At the end of the day, we were all cold, soaked, and covered and smelling like fish slime. Yum. As soon as we got back to base, I took a long hot shower and put on some clean, dry, not fishy clothing. All in all, I had a pretty good day.
(Do you guys think the above blog is essay material? It's not really essay format, there are some things I didn't do (like a thesis statement), but I have my writing test tomorrow. I thought it would be good to put my new found skills to use.)
Wish me luck on my writing GED test everyone! I'm going to hit the hay early so I'm fully rested. I'm feeling pretty confident that I will do well. I've studied hard and I think it will pay off. Night all.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Counselor
Day 43----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was having a pretty ordinary day, work, study and work some more. That is, until I was called to The Counselors office.
As it turns out, I was to speak with a mental health counselor. Apparently, a staff member was concerned that I had an issue with authority and that I was experiencing symptoms of pre-bipolar disorder. Google it. Most of those symptoms are the WHOLE WORLD.
Anyway, I went and straightened everything out. I hope I passed. But he did say, "See you in about 3 weeks." Uh, oh.
So I was having a pretty ordinary day, work, study and work some more. That is, until I was called to The Counselors office.
As it turns out, I was to speak with a mental health counselor. Apparently, a staff member was concerned that I had an issue with authority and that I was experiencing symptoms of pre-bipolar disorder. Google it. Most of those symptoms are the WHOLE WORLD.
Anyway, I went and straightened everything out. I hope I passed. But he did say, "See you in about 3 weeks." Uh, oh.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
October 17
Day 41 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not sure how much I have to say. I'm almost totally prepared for my Writing test on Thursday. I have only two more chapters to complete, maybe one more to re-read, and I will feel totally confident that I have enough knowledge to score 710 on my writing essay. A lot is hanging on my ability to a write an organized, on topic essay. Tough stuff. I always have so many thoughts. Thankfully, I have practiced the ability to harness them and put them, in order, on paper. Hopefully, I'll have all this studying done by tomorrow so my brain can have a few days off.
Wednesday I have a Recreation trip to capture salmon to bring to the fish hatchery. Hopefully I can be excused from K.P. to go. I'm really looking forward to it.
There was no Rec staff today, so Donovin and I (the two options for Rec President, although he really doesn't deserve the position) we placed in charge. We were told that one of us needed to be in Rec at all times. If one had to run an errand, the other could keep an eye on the place. Well, after I had already been at Recreation since 1400*, I asked Donovin to cover for me from 1600-1630, only half an hour, so I could do mandatory centerwide with my dorm. We refused, saying he was "busy" and he couldn't break his schedule. When I asked him what his schedule was, he said that he was cleaning (by choice, mind you). I tried to explain to him that someone needed to be here. He then retorted that since Rec staff wasn't here, it wasn't a big deal. Well, that's not the the point, I said. I finally just let it slide and wrote an a letter to the dorm staff (one of the girls took it up for me), apologizing and asking to be excused.
After that was taken care of, Donovin decided to break the rules and chew tobacco in Rec. His defense was, and I quote, "There's no staff so it shouldn't matter". I don't let anyone else chew in Recreation and I told Donovin that as a Rec Leader he need to follow the rules just as much as everyone else, or more. He got angry and stormed out. He said he was just going to quit. That's not what I was aiming at but if that's the way he feels, so be it.
*military time
Not sure how much I have to say. I'm almost totally prepared for my Writing test on Thursday. I have only two more chapters to complete, maybe one more to re-read, and I will feel totally confident that I have enough knowledge to score 710 on my writing essay. A lot is hanging on my ability to a write an organized, on topic essay. Tough stuff. I always have so many thoughts. Thankfully, I have practiced the ability to harness them and put them, in order, on paper. Hopefully, I'll have all this studying done by tomorrow so my brain can have a few days off.
Wednesday I have a Recreation trip to capture salmon to bring to the fish hatchery. Hopefully I can be excused from K.P. to go. I'm really looking forward to it.
There was no Rec staff today, so Donovin and I (the two options for Rec President, although he really doesn't deserve the position) we placed in charge. We were told that one of us needed to be in Rec at all times. If one had to run an errand, the other could keep an eye on the place. Well, after I had already been at Recreation since 1400*, I asked Donovin to cover for me from 1600-1630, only half an hour, so I could do mandatory centerwide with my dorm. We refused, saying he was "busy" and he couldn't break his schedule. When I asked him what his schedule was, he said that he was cleaning (by choice, mind you). I tried to explain to him that someone needed to be here. He then retorted that since Rec staff wasn't here, it wasn't a big deal. Well, that's not the the point, I said. I finally just let it slide and wrote an a letter to the dorm staff (one of the girls took it up for me), apologizing and asking to be excused.
After that was taken care of, Donovin decided to break the rules and chew tobacco in Rec. His defense was, and I quote, "There's no staff so it shouldn't matter". I don't let anyone else chew in Recreation and I told Donovin that as a Rec Leader he need to follow the rules just as much as everyone else, or more. He got angry and stormed out. He said he was just going to quit. That's not what I was aiming at but if that's the way he feels, so be it.
*military time
Friday, October 15, 2010
October Graduation
Day 39-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They had seven students that walked to get their diplomas / certification today. A lot of them left right after the ceremony. Many tears were shed, but I personally did not cry because I feel I still have not earned the right to. I haven't been here long enough to really grow strong bonds with anyone.
I wonder if I am even able to. I mean there isn't really anyone back home (besides my family) that I miss. I spent my whole childhood and part of my teenage years in Sequim! I've known some people for years back home, but I don't necessarily miss them. There's very few people who have touched my heart so deeply that I tear up when I think about them.
All the students keep saying I have a "wall" put up. What reason do I have to be defensive? And they tell me that I'm so hard to read, but I'm not hiding anything. Well not really. I don't talk about my past much and I don't ask anyone about theirs. We figure all ended up and Job Corps because we all went through a period in our life that opened our eyes to the bigger picture. We can only see life through our own eyes and all that we have experienced, we have interpreted in our own unique way, and it has made each and everyone of us into the individual we are today. What may seem like a dramatic eye opener to one person, may be a ridiculous sob story to another.
Seeing those students walk today made me excited to see how much I can accomplish in the 2 years of my life. When you go back, and you actually take the time to account for all the happenings and events in your life, whether they be big or small, and put them on paper, it's shocking to realize just how much you've been through. It's stunning how much you have grown, developed, and learned a new part of your Self, how much that you have to offer to the world around you, and sometimes it's hard to believe why you couldn't understand what you have come to accept today.
Sorry that I may be rambling. But those are the thoughts that I have been pondering for a while. Maybe they are words of wisdom gifted to me by God. He's helped me a lot recently. Nothing is coincidental. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. It is the balance of life.
*Pick up the book - Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch
They had seven students that walked to get their diplomas / certification today. A lot of them left right after the ceremony. Many tears were shed, but I personally did not cry because I feel I still have not earned the right to. I haven't been here long enough to really grow strong bonds with anyone.
I wonder if I am even able to. I mean there isn't really anyone back home (besides my family) that I miss. I spent my whole childhood and part of my teenage years in Sequim! I've known some people for years back home, but I don't necessarily miss them. There's very few people who have touched my heart so deeply that I tear up when I think about them.
All the students keep saying I have a "wall" put up. What reason do I have to be defensive? And they tell me that I'm so hard to read, but I'm not hiding anything. Well not really. I don't talk about my past much and I don't ask anyone about theirs. We figure all ended up and Job Corps because we all went through a period in our life that opened our eyes to the bigger picture. We can only see life through our own eyes and all that we have experienced, we have interpreted in our own unique way, and it has made each and everyone of us into the individual we are today. What may seem like a dramatic eye opener to one person, may be a ridiculous sob story to another.
Seeing those students walk today made me excited to see how much I can accomplish in the 2 years of my life. When you go back, and you actually take the time to account for all the happenings and events in your life, whether they be big or small, and put them on paper, it's shocking to realize just how much you've been through. It's stunning how much you have grown, developed, and learned a new part of your Self, how much that you have to offer to the world around you, and sometimes it's hard to believe why you couldn't understand what you have come to accept today.
Sorry that I may be rambling. But those are the thoughts that I have been pondering for a while. Maybe they are words of wisdom gifted to me by God. He's helped me a lot recently. Nothing is coincidental. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. It is the balance of life.
*Pick up the book - Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
15 Minutes
Day 36---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally got 15 min of down time. Let's see how fast I can type. I almost had a breakdown after SST meeting today because I got my first referral because my area of the dorm was dirty. BUT, I did mop! It was the other girl who didn't sweep and that's why it looked like poop. I've been stretched so thin the past few days between K.P., studies, and Rec Duty (I'm running for Rec president, don't know if I told you), that that one referral just totally topped me off. I have an absolute clean record. I'm always on time, I always do my job, and I know how to prioritize. Anyway, after I almost burst into tears, one of the other girls stood up for me, saying she saw me do my job and everything was sorted. Whew!
During K.P. I have two breaks; one 2 hrs, and one 3 hrs. And instead of going to the dorm like most of the kids, I go to education. Everyone calls me Miss. Over-Achiever. I don't really mind. I feel like I'm setting a good example. Everyone knows that I didn't officially complete the 7th grade and that I'm the youngest student on campus. I figure people will get so jealous because I have come of the highest scores in G.E.D. that they will push themselves to do better. We shall see.
P.S.
Don't worry mom, I'm not burning out. I'm just getting started :-) Right now I'm the center of attention, and being the flaming Aries I am, I'm absolutely LOVING it - even though it means I have to push everything I have to the highest potential.
Thank you everyone for your support.
Finally got 15 min of down time. Let's see how fast I can type. I almost had a breakdown after SST meeting today because I got my first referral because my area of the dorm was dirty. BUT, I did mop! It was the other girl who didn't sweep and that's why it looked like poop. I've been stretched so thin the past few days between K.P., studies, and Rec Duty (I'm running for Rec president, don't know if I told you), that that one referral just totally topped me off. I have an absolute clean record. I'm always on time, I always do my job, and I know how to prioritize. Anyway, after I almost burst into tears, one of the other girls stood up for me, saying she saw me do my job and everything was sorted. Whew!
During K.P. I have two breaks; one 2 hrs, and one 3 hrs. And instead of going to the dorm like most of the kids, I go to education. Everyone calls me Miss. Over-Achiever. I don't really mind. I feel like I'm setting a good example. Everyone knows that I didn't officially complete the 7th grade and that I'm the youngest student on campus. I figure people will get so jealous because I have come of the highest scores in G.E.D. that they will push themselves to do better. We shall see.
P.S.
Don't worry mom, I'm not burning out. I'm just getting started :-) Right now I'm the center of attention, and being the flaming Aries I am, I'm absolutely LOVING it - even though it means I have to push everything I have to the highest potential.
Thank you everyone for your support.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
3 Day Weekend
Day 34---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been super swamped with K.P. and Rec duties and studying. I'm absolutely exhausted but I still need to write 3 essays (I don't NEED to but I'm CHOOSING to) and a clean up schedule for Rec. Today is my only day off from K.P. so I'm going to try to cram as much rest in as I can. I'm about to take a nap right now but I felt I needed to post something so I could keep everyone interested. I'll post again when I get the time. Thanks for your patience everyone!
I've been super swamped with K.P. and Rec duties and studying. I'm absolutely exhausted but I still need to write 3 essays (I don't NEED to but I'm CHOOSING to) and a clean up schedule for Rec. Today is my only day off from K.P. so I'm going to try to cram as much rest in as I can. I'm about to take a nap right now but I felt I needed to post something so I could keep everyone interested. I'll post again when I get the time. Thanks for your patience everyone!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
G.E.D Test Results
Day 31------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------( I got my days mixed up so I googled the duration between one date and the next, found out the actual number of days, and went back and edited ALL my blogs. So happy one month to me! YAY!)
*I'm going to start using military time becuase it's easier. If you don't know it, google is your best friend.*
So I took Science and Reading (800 being highest - 410 lowest) and scored a 660 and a 710. I'm a little disappointed with my scores but so far I have the third highest test scores in the class. If I get a 710 in the next 3 tests, Writing, Math, and Social Studies, my average will be 700. I want AT LEAST that. so I have two weeks to study for the Writing test and I'm gonna work my butt off.
One problem, I start K.P. tomorrow. That stands for Kitchen Patrol. Whoop-dee-doo. It's a mandatory 2 week period that all new-comers have to do. I have to wash dishes from 0600-0800, 10:30-13:00, and 1600 to 1900. That means I have to get up at 0500 and I'll have 5hrs and 30min, total, to study. But then you gotta think of the time it takes to walk to and from the dorms to kitchen and that cuts back about 30 min. Grr. Then NEXT week I have maintenance which is like K.P. only I work from 0800 - 1600 straight. which is good. It won't cut into my Rec hrs and I can get dirty. Finally!
Okay, actually TWO problems. I'm going to have to work something out with staff because Mom wanted to come get me from 15-17 and K.P. / maintenance don't get weekends off. GREAT. Maybe since it's parents it'll be okay.
Anyway, gotta go sleep so I can get up early. Bye!
*I'm going to start using military time becuase it's easier. If you don't know it, google is your best friend.*
So I took Science and Reading (800 being highest - 410 lowest) and scored a 660 and a 710. I'm a little disappointed with my scores but so far I have the third highest test scores in the class. If I get a 710 in the next 3 tests, Writing, Math, and Social Studies, my average will be 700. I want AT LEAST that. so I have two weeks to study for the Writing test and I'm gonna work my butt off.
One problem, I start K.P. tomorrow. That stands for Kitchen Patrol. Whoop-dee-doo. It's a mandatory 2 week period that all new-comers have to do. I have to wash dishes from 0600-0800, 10:30-13:00, and 1600 to 1900. That means I have to get up at 0500 and I'll have 5hrs and 30min, total, to study. But then you gotta think of the time it takes to walk to and from the dorms to kitchen and that cuts back about 30 min. Grr. Then NEXT week I have maintenance which is like K.P. only I work from 0800 - 1600 straight. which is good. It won't cut into my Rec hrs and I can get dirty. Finally!
Okay, actually TWO problems. I'm going to have to work something out with staff because Mom wanted to come get me from 15-17 and K.P. / maintenance don't get weekends off. GREAT. Maybe since it's parents it'll be okay.
Anyway, gotta go sleep so I can get up early. Bye!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
G.E.D. Test
Day 30-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I take my first two G.E.D. tests tomorrow, Reading and Science. This means I have to be up, dressed, fed, and ready to go by 6:40 and walk down to the other side of campus by 6:50 to take the van to the college in Ellensburg. I'm REALLY nervous. I'm also excited though, to see what my test scores will be.
Other than that I don't have much to say. Wish me luck!
I take my first two G.E.D. tests tomorrow, Reading and Science. This means I have to be up, dressed, fed, and ready to go by 6:40 and walk down to the other side of campus by 6:50 to take the van to the college in Ellensburg. I'm REALLY nervous. I'm also excited though, to see what my test scores will be.
Other than that I don't have much to say. Wish me luck!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Minor Success
Day 28-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Monday. Deep clean day. Don't know if I told you that but it means you only have all of two hours to socialize outside of trade / education. I used to dislike these days, but I've learned to appreciate them. Cleaning and being inside all day gives me time to clear my head and relax from all the drama.
We had SSTs (Social Skills Training), like we do every Monday, and the topic was Dealing with Change. This was right before the announcement that personal electronics such as TVs, computers, stereos, etc (cellphones, ipods not included), are going to not be allowed the upcoming year. Oh boy, you should have heard all the screams and tears. The girls are not going to be quiet about this. They feel that they are being forced into rules (like we usually are) becuase of the boys' behaviour. Which is true. There is not a girl in this dorm that abuses the privilage to have personal electronics. But because there are more males, we are not taken into consideration. I believe there is a comprimise that can easily be reached, but not with the way these girls are going about it. They need to write a formal complaint; what the issue is, why they are opposed, and how they believe they could come to a better conclusion where both sides are appeased. Instead these girls are letting their anger get the better of them. I am so grateful that Grandpa taught me how to be professional and how to discuss political issues.
Now the REAL news. I recieved the Student of the Month Award for Dorm 2 (girls dorm) today. It didn't make a lot of the girls really happy, considering I've only been here 26 days. They're calling me a kiss ass. But there is a difference between brown-nosing and knowing how to survive with authority. I will not allow the staff to talk down to me, but I don't yell or get frusterated with the staff either. I remain calm and I explain how I feel I should be treated, and that's with respect. I made it very clear that I do not mind complying to my everyday duties and responsiblities, but I will not do anything I believe is unreasonable. I am willing to listen to their side of the argument as long as they are willing to listen to mine. If I do happen to lose my temper, which I have, I give it time to cool down and later apologize for my behaviour when it is appropriate.
THAT is why I recieved Student of the Month and THAT is the difference between me and the other students in this dorm.
So Monday. Deep clean day. Don't know if I told you that but it means you only have all of two hours to socialize outside of trade / education. I used to dislike these days, but I've learned to appreciate them. Cleaning and being inside all day gives me time to clear my head and relax from all the drama.
We had SSTs (Social Skills Training), like we do every Monday, and the topic was Dealing with Change. This was right before the announcement that personal electronics such as TVs, computers, stereos, etc (cellphones, ipods not included), are going to not be allowed the upcoming year. Oh boy, you should have heard all the screams and tears. The girls are not going to be quiet about this. They feel that they are being forced into rules (like we usually are) becuase of the boys' behaviour. Which is true. There is not a girl in this dorm that abuses the privilage to have personal electronics. But because there are more males, we are not taken into consideration. I believe there is a comprimise that can easily be reached, but not with the way these girls are going about it. They need to write a formal complaint; what the issue is, why they are opposed, and how they believe they could come to a better conclusion where both sides are appeased. Instead these girls are letting their anger get the better of them. I am so grateful that Grandpa taught me how to be professional and how to discuss political issues.
Now the REAL news. I recieved the Student of the Month Award for Dorm 2 (girls dorm) today. It didn't make a lot of the girls really happy, considering I've only been here 26 days. They're calling me a kiss ass. But there is a difference between brown-nosing and knowing how to survive with authority. I will not allow the staff to talk down to me, but I don't yell or get frusterated with the staff either. I remain calm and I explain how I feel I should be treated, and that's with respect. I made it very clear that I do not mind complying to my everyday duties and responsiblities, but I will not do anything I believe is unreasonable. I am willing to listen to their side of the argument as long as they are willing to listen to mine. If I do happen to lose my temper, which I have, I give it time to cool down and later apologize for my behaviour when it is appropriate.
THAT is why I recieved Student of the Month and THAT is the difference between me and the other students in this dorm.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
This Weekend
Day 27-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday. Well I didn't mention this before, but Thursday I went to the fair and my wallet was stolen. The reason I didn't say anything on my blog was because I didn't want anyone to freak out. Anyway, after the initial panic attack that I had for about an hour, I walked down to the security office and made a report. Then after my sense of hopelessness I accepted it and came to the conclusion I would never see it again. Well yesterday (Saturday) as I was walking out of Rec and to the dorm to take a nap, a group of students and a Rec staff were driving by in a van, honked, and pulled over. They opened the door and practically pulled me in. Turns out they were going to the rodeo (at the fair) and there was an extra seat. What're the odds?
So off to the fair we went. After I got there I thought, "What the hell, why not?" and went back down to security to see if someone turned in my wallet. Lo and behold, there it was! I was so excited I gasped and dropped my hat and almost hugged the security officer standing next to me. There wasn't any money in it of course, but there was only like 13 bucks in there anyway. Everything else was there though! And just think, if I hadn't walked out of Rec at that moment, and there didn't happen to be an extra seat, I wouldn't have gotten my wallet back.
All my friends were excited for me when I walked out with my wallet and we carried on through the fair. I rode the mechanical bull that my friend loaned me money for. I did really well too. My buddy Tim said I looked pretty comfortable up there, even though the guy was spinning and bucking it like crazy. I also watched the the rodeo and I got to go to a Bucky Covington concert (country music singer). So I ended up having a really good day yesterday.
Now today is pretty lazy, I have to be at Rec... like right now but that's alright. It's Sunday, so most all the students are sleeping. I completed some assignments already and did laundry. If that's all I end up doing today, I'll be pretty content.
Yesterday. Well I didn't mention this before, but Thursday I went to the fair and my wallet was stolen. The reason I didn't say anything on my blog was because I didn't want anyone to freak out. Anyway, after the initial panic attack that I had for about an hour, I walked down to the security office and made a report. Then after my sense of hopelessness I accepted it and came to the conclusion I would never see it again. Well yesterday (Saturday) as I was walking out of Rec and to the dorm to take a nap, a group of students and a Rec staff were driving by in a van, honked, and pulled over. They opened the door and practically pulled me in. Turns out they were going to the rodeo (at the fair) and there was an extra seat. What're the odds?
So off to the fair we went. After I got there I thought, "What the hell, why not?" and went back down to security to see if someone turned in my wallet. Lo and behold, there it was! I was so excited I gasped and dropped my hat and almost hugged the security officer standing next to me. There wasn't any money in it of course, but there was only like 13 bucks in there anyway. Everything else was there though! And just think, if I hadn't walked out of Rec at that moment, and there didn't happen to be an extra seat, I wouldn't have gotten my wallet back.
All my friends were excited for me when I walked out with my wallet and we carried on through the fair. I rode the mechanical bull that my friend loaned me money for. I did really well too. My buddy Tim said I looked pretty comfortable up there, even though the guy was spinning and bucking it like crazy. I also watched the the rodeo and I got to go to a Bucky Covington concert (country music singer). So I ended up having a really good day yesterday.
Now today is pretty lazy, I have to be at Rec... like right now but that's alright. It's Sunday, so most all the students are sleeping. I completed some assignments already and did laundry. If that's all I end up doing today, I'll be pretty content.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Oct. 1st
Day 25------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To all of you that play this game... RABBIT RABBIT. Yes Mom and Grandpa, you already got me. But Daddy, Grandma, John and Michelle (if mom has introduced you to the game), I just got you, so there!
Anywho, yesterday I took to math and writing test. I'm sure I scored high in writing comprehension but I got a little carried away on my essay. We'll know monday. I scored a 560 in math (as I wrote in my last blog, it takes 410 to pass and 800 is the highest), so everyone is starting to have a new interest in me. I haven't been to school in 4 years, I'm 16 years old, I came out of no where from some podunk town, yet I am this headstrong, persistent, mature, and bright young woman. Students and teachers are curious...
I had a weird day in education today. I did fairly well on my science practice test (that's all we do is test, test, test) and got a 500. Then I took a reading test and scored a 300. My brain was absolute mush. The words were scrambled and I couldn't focus. But they also had a movie on from 11:00 to 4:00 (right after my science test) since it was Friday. Took me 3 hrs to complete the reading test. I just couldn't do it. I knew that almost all my answers were wrong, before I corrected it. I'm going to re-take it monday when there are NO DISTRACTIONS.
We played kick the can about 3 hrs ago. It was awesome! I was the only girl (of course) and I never got caught. Afterwards we played hide and seek. I was found pretty quick. Where the hell are you supposed to hide in THIS DAMN DESERT?? Remind me to never go to a bonfire out here, it's not like you can run into the woods when the park rangers show up. I'd be so screwed! :-P
To all of you that play this game... RABBIT RABBIT. Yes Mom and Grandpa, you already got me. But Daddy, Grandma, John and Michelle (if mom has introduced you to the game), I just got you, so there!
Anywho, yesterday I took to math and writing test. I'm sure I scored high in writing comprehension but I got a little carried away on my essay. We'll know monday. I scored a 560 in math (as I wrote in my last blog, it takes 410 to pass and 800 is the highest), so everyone is starting to have a new interest in me. I haven't been to school in 4 years, I'm 16 years old, I came out of no where from some podunk town, yet I am this headstrong, persistent, mature, and bright young woman. Students and teachers are curious...
I had a weird day in education today. I did fairly well on my science practice test (that's all we do is test, test, test) and got a 500. Then I took a reading test and scored a 300. My brain was absolute mush. The words were scrambled and I couldn't focus. But they also had a movie on from 11:00 to 4:00 (right after my science test) since it was Friday. Took me 3 hrs to complete the reading test. I just couldn't do it. I knew that almost all my answers were wrong, before I corrected it. I'm going to re-take it monday when there are NO DISTRACTIONS.
We played kick the can about 3 hrs ago. It was awesome! I was the only girl (of course) and I never got caught. Afterwards we played hide and seek. I was found pretty quick. Where the hell are you supposed to hide in THIS DAMN DESERT?? Remind me to never go to a bonfire out here, it's not like you can run into the woods when the park rangers show up. I'd be so screwed! :-P
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
GED
Day 23--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wow, I had a really good day today. They already put me in GED classes. I was taking pretests today in Social Studies, Science, and Reading (I got a 530, 530, 620 (it takes 410 to pass, and 800 is the highest)). I think I did pretty well. Most of it was all common sense and reading comprehension. Simple. After class got out I played a lot of pool and won most all my games, I'm getting better!
Then after this GREAT day SOMEONE just had to ruin it. The dorms switch off cleaning Rec each week. Every day it's a different wing. This week the boys in dorm 3 have Rec. And I'm not sure what wing it was but this boy, Evan Vandiver, threw me an attitude when I assigned him a job. He's 19! I asked him to mop the gym floor with two other people and he REFUSED. I didn't ask him to do anything unreasonable. He wanted to clean the weight room but someone was already assigned. I mean, really? If he has just DONE it, without wining, it could have been finished really quick and simple. Then I ended up being the bad guy. Grrr.
Also, some students were in the weight room earlier, not working out just flirting with some of the girls who were clearly just messing around. I told them plain and simple that the weight room was for people who meant to work out, and others may need to use the equipment. I asked them to leave if they weren't going to be using it and they didn't of course. After 15 min I got staff and they said they didn't know I was a Rec Leader. I call BS. But I ended being the bad guy (of course) and they all stormed out giving me dirty looks. It's not like they got into trouble. SIGH. Comes with the territory I suppose.
Wow, I had a really good day today. They already put me in GED classes. I was taking pretests today in Social Studies, Science, and Reading (I got a 530, 530, 620 (it takes 410 to pass, and 800 is the highest)). I think I did pretty well. Most of it was all common sense and reading comprehension. Simple. After class got out I played a lot of pool and won most all my games, I'm getting better!
Then after this GREAT day SOMEONE just had to ruin it. The dorms switch off cleaning Rec each week. Every day it's a different wing. This week the boys in dorm 3 have Rec. And I'm not sure what wing it was but this boy, Evan Vandiver, threw me an attitude when I assigned him a job. He's 19! I asked him to mop the gym floor with two other people and he REFUSED. I didn't ask him to do anything unreasonable. He wanted to clean the weight room but someone was already assigned. I mean, really? If he has just DONE it, without wining, it could have been finished really quick and simple. Then I ended up being the bad guy. Grrr.
Also, some students were in the weight room earlier, not working out just flirting with some of the girls who were clearly just messing around. I told them plain and simple that the weight room was for people who meant to work out, and others may need to use the equipment. I asked them to leave if they weren't going to be using it and they didn't of course. After 15 min I got staff and they said they didn't know I was a Rec Leader. I call BS. But I ended being the bad guy (of course) and they all stormed out giving me dirty looks. It's not like they got into trouble. SIGH. Comes with the territory I suppose.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Class
Day 22-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm sitting in class right now. blah. I wanted to see how long I could blog until the teacher Ms. Julie. Don't worry she won't mind. I don't have anything to do right now so this is kind of free time.
I was way too swamped to write yesterday. Mondays are usually like that. With all the cleaning we have to do, and we have to stay in our rooms. Even if our room is shiny we can't leave until we are excused.
I have decided I don't really like education. I really feel like I'm wasting my time. It makes me wonder what they think they are helping me learn here. I don't see any social skills or studies involved in these assignments. The past three class days (Thurs, Mon, Tues) we've been doing power point presentations in drugs, STDs and, birth control. Three days?? What is going on? How is this going to help me here or on the outside? Urg.
I'm sitting in class right now. blah. I wanted to see how long I could blog until the teacher Ms. Julie. Don't worry she won't mind. I don't have anything to do right now so this is kind of free time.
I was way too swamped to write yesterday. Mondays are usually like that. With all the cleaning we have to do, and we have to stay in our rooms. Even if our room is shiny we can't leave until we are excused.
I have decided I don't really like education. I really feel like I'm wasting my time. It makes me wonder what they think they are helping me learn here. I don't see any social skills or studies involved in these assignments. The past three class days (Thurs, Mon, Tues) we've been doing power point presentations in drugs, STDs and, birth control. Three days?? What is going on? How is this going to help me here or on the outside? Urg.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Home
Day 20-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Being here... it breaks my heart. I want to go home. I miss the trees and the water and the mountains. I miss my pets, and Lance, Linda and Colton, and Mom and John, and my grandparents. I miss the pond and the cabin. I miss my friends and lifted trucks. I miss beer and late nights. I don't want to be here anymore. The girls don't like me, but the staff and all the guyslove me. I don't want all this attention. I do well here, but that doesn't mean I like it. There's nothing for me back home... but I miss it anyway. This is the biggest challenge I've ever faced. It doesn't matter how many things from home I bring to place in my room. It just makes it seem even more out of place. I want to lay in bed with my cat and dog. I want to sit on the couch and watch movies with my family. I want to smell lavender and hear the sound of coyotes outside my window at night. I want to swim in the pond and feel the mud between my toes. I want to ride on the back of a horse and feel the wind in my hair and see the ground rush beneath me. I want to be free. I want to go home.
Being here... it breaks my heart. I want to go home. I miss the trees and the water and the mountains. I miss my pets, and Lance, Linda and Colton, and Mom and John, and my grandparents. I miss the pond and the cabin. I miss my friends and lifted trucks. I miss beer and late nights. I don't want to be here anymore. The girls don't like me, but the staff and all the guyslove me. I don't want all this attention. I do well here, but that doesn't mean I like it. There's nothing for me back home... but I miss it anyway. This is the biggest challenge I've ever faced. It doesn't matter how many things from home I bring to place in my room. It just makes it seem even more out of place. I want to lay in bed with my cat and dog. I want to sit on the couch and watch movies with my family. I want to smell lavender and hear the sound of coyotes outside my window at night. I want to swim in the pond and feel the mud between my toes. I want to ride on the back of a horse and feel the wind in my hair and see the ground rush beneath me. I want to be free. I want to go home.
Friday, September 24, 2010
State Fair
Day 18------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today everyone, the ENTIRE campus, got to go to the State Fair held in Yakima. Job Corps paid for dinner coupons and all day ride tickets. I went on this ride that drops you from the sky. I was so freaked out that I screamed all the way down. All my friends thought it was hilarious of course. I also watched the sprint car races. No major crashes, but I still had fun with my redneck buddies. I had a really good day. And I'm VERY glad I didn't have to work or go to school today. I am so ridiculously tired. I fell asleep on the ferris wheel. I'm relieved it's the weekend and I can sleep till noon. I need it. I gotta figure out this time management thing. With being a Rec leader and all its hard. But as soon as it come routine it'll be easier. I should make myself a schedule. Hey, why did I think of that before? I'll make it... as soon as I have time. *ha*
Well its almost 11pm and I think I'm going to start heading to bed. My eyes are droopy and my head is about to hit the keyboard. Good night everyone.
Today everyone, the ENTIRE campus, got to go to the State Fair held in Yakima. Job Corps paid for dinner coupons and all day ride tickets. I went on this ride that drops you from the sky. I was so freaked out that I screamed all the way down. All my friends thought it was hilarious of course. I also watched the sprint car races. No major crashes, but I still had fun with my redneck buddies. I had a really good day. And I'm VERY glad I didn't have to work or go to school today. I am so ridiculously tired. I fell asleep on the ferris wheel. I'm relieved it's the weekend and I can sleep till noon. I need it. I gotta figure out this time management thing. With being a Rec leader and all its hard. But as soon as it come routine it'll be easier. I should make myself a schedule. Hey, why did I think of that before? I'll make it... as soon as I have time. *ha*
Well its almost 11pm and I think I'm going to start heading to bed. My eyes are droopy and my head is about to hit the keyboard. Good night everyone.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Verdict.
Day 17------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just enough time to tell you what happened today.
So I did what Scott, the HER instructor told me to do. I worked really hard and didn't even quit when we were allowed a break. I was grinding and cutting metal all day. That's hard work. And a LOT of standing. My legs are so tired. I usually slaughter people while playing pool (I'm getting really good) here at Rec (Recreation) but I can hardly stand. Been up late studying too. Just not enough time in the day!
Anyways, Scott pulled me into his office and gave me an evaluation. I got above average in all my work slots and he said, "Get your name on the waiting list. I can only let one 16 year old in this trade per year, so by the time your name comes up, I should be able to get you in here." I was so excited! Whew. Now I get to cross my fingers until then. And STAY FOCUSED. I can't lose sight of my goal. But there's a lot of time between now and then. I think I'll write it down and everyday when I open my closet or something my encouraging memo will be there to remind me. AND, first thing's first, I need to get my GED. I keep forgetting that I'm not finished in that area. Urg I just want to get started! Well, at least I got my foot in the door!!
Just enough time to tell you what happened today.
So I did what Scott, the HER instructor told me to do. I worked really hard and didn't even quit when we were allowed a break. I was grinding and cutting metal all day. That's hard work. And a LOT of standing. My legs are so tired. I usually slaughter people while playing pool (I'm getting really good) here at Rec (Recreation) but I can hardly stand. Been up late studying too. Just not enough time in the day!
Anyways, Scott pulled me into his office and gave me an evaluation. I got above average in all my work slots and he said, "Get your name on the waiting list. I can only let one 16 year old in this trade per year, so by the time your name comes up, I should be able to get you in here." I was so excited! Whew. Now I get to cross my fingers until then. And STAY FOCUSED. I can't lose sight of my goal. But there's a lot of time between now and then. I think I'll write it down and everyday when I open my closet or something my encouraging memo will be there to remind me. AND, first thing's first, I need to get my GED. I keep forgetting that I'm not finished in that area. Urg I just want to get started! Well, at least I got my foot in the door!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hands on in HER (Heavy Equipment Repair)
Day 16-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So HER is what I'm here for, and it's what I've been fighting for for the past 2 weeks. I did my hands on in HER (and of course had an... exchange of words with Scott, the instructor, on my first day), and I LOVED IT! I pretty much crawled into the break panel of a bulldozer got all greasy and covered in oil. I even welded. I Did a lot of heavy lifting and it was perfect.
I stayed afterwards and cleared things up with Scott, I told him that this is REALLY what I wanted, it's what I dreamed about. Scott said that the success rate of 16 year old he accepts into HER is at 0%. I told him that I couldn't say anything that he hadn't heard from every other student trying to get into his class, but I was going to prove to him that just because I'm 16 did not mean that I couldn't handle the responsibility and stress of being dedicated to a trade and the living conditions here at Fort Simcoe. I said that I didn't care how long it took for me to be eligible to graduate, I wouldn't let this go without a fight. He seemed willing to come to a compromise and said that if I worked my ass off while I'm doing hands on in HER and then was did the same in Auto, he would make a few calls and consider it. He promised that he was taking his definite "No" away and replacing it with a "Possibly". It definitely was not a "Yes" but it wasn't a "No". THAT I can work with. :)
So HER is what I'm here for, and it's what I've been fighting for for the past 2 weeks. I did my hands on in HER (and of course had an... exchange of words with Scott, the instructor, on my first day), and I LOVED IT! I pretty much crawled into the break panel of a bulldozer got all greasy and covered in oil. I even welded. I Did a lot of heavy lifting and it was perfect.
I stayed afterwards and cleared things up with Scott, I told him that this is REALLY what I wanted, it's what I dreamed about. Scott said that the success rate of 16 year old he accepts into HER is at 0%. I told him that I couldn't say anything that he hadn't heard from every other student trying to get into his class, but I was going to prove to him that just because I'm 16 did not mean that I couldn't handle the responsibility and stress of being dedicated to a trade and the living conditions here at Fort Simcoe. I said that I didn't care how long it took for me to be eligible to graduate, I wouldn't let this go without a fight. He seemed willing to come to a compromise and said that if I worked my ass off while I'm doing hands on in HER and then was did the same in Auto, he would make a few calls and consider it. He promised that he was taking his definite "No" away and replacing it with a "Possibly". It definitely was not a "Yes" but it wasn't a "No". THAT I can work with. :)
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesdays / TABE Testing: Part 2
Day 15-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay so Tuesday morning. Wake up at 6am. Get dressed. Breakfast 6:15 to 6:45. Back in the room by 7. Clean my room and bathroom. Take all my sheets and walk ALL the way across campus to Warehouse to get them washed. Walk back. It's 7:40. Clean the dorm. It's now 7:55. I have five minutes to run to class before I get a referral. URG! There's gotta be an easier way. Maybe take my sheets to breakfast and then hit the Warehouse? Well I'll have to try again next week.
I got a job as Recreation Leader. I get first pick on all trips such as white water rafting, movies, rodeos, etc. Awesome huh?
Okay. Now the BIG new you've all been waiting for. I needed to score a 566 on the math TABE test today... I got a 644! I'm the only one in my ICL class that passed both test. And with flying colors! Whew. I'm glad I've got that behind me. Now all I have to do is get my GED and then really get to work!
Okay so Tuesday morning. Wake up at 6am. Get dressed. Breakfast 6:15 to 6:45. Back in the room by 7. Clean my room and bathroom. Take all my sheets and walk ALL the way across campus to Warehouse to get them washed. Walk back. It's 7:40. Clean the dorm. It's now 7:55. I have five minutes to run to class before I get a referral. URG! There's gotta be an easier way. Maybe take my sheets to breakfast and then hit the Warehouse? Well I'll have to try again next week.
I got a job as Recreation Leader. I get first pick on all trips such as white water rafting, movies, rodeos, etc. Awesome huh?
Okay. Now the BIG new you've all been waiting for. I needed to score a 566 on the math TABE test today... I got a 644! I'm the only one in my ICL class that passed both test. And with flying colors! Whew. I'm glad I've got that behind me. Now all I have to do is get my GED and then really get to work!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Mondays / TABE Testing: Part One
Day 14---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, Monday, was rather hectic. Usually is. It's called detail day; we clean the whole entire dorm till it shines. We wake up at 6am and get dressed, go to breakfast, and clean like usual. The whole center has to be dressed, ready, and in the meeting room at 7:45am. That's where Monday morning meeting takes place where staff and student leaders make weekly announcements. It usually last about 45 min. Afterwards they call students in groups by trade and they line up A-K and L-Z to get paid (bi-weekly). I got a whopping 4 bucks! (Crappy starting pay) Then we go wherever we're supposed to go from whenever the meetings over to 4pm. When we get out at 4, we have account (like a check in, make sure you're not AWOL) at 4:30, then dinner at 5pm. After we're finished eating we have to be back in our dorms by 6 for SST's (Social Skills Training). At 6:30 we have center wide clean up, and at 7 we have and hour and a half to deep clean our rooms. That entitles sweeping, dusting, mopping, scrubbing the shower and toilet and mirrors, and organizing your closet and drawers. Everything needs to be color coded and separated. I have found that if I just keep my room clean and organized ALL THE TIME then there's really little to do and I have free time (even though we aren't allowed out of the room until room check). - And sorry Mom, if I ever move back in, I'm afraid these habits will not carry over. :) - Anyways, after room check we have half an hour before we are released, and we are put to work, each girl having a different clean up duty in the dorm. I got dusting (pssh, easy). At 9 we can go outside and have to be back in at 10 for another account, bed time at 10:30. Whew! Doesn't give much breathing room.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We (my ICL brothers, sisters, and I) went to education for the first time today after Monday morning meeting. We took trade placement tests to see where we would be most suited. Of course I scored high on Realistic and Artistic work. So mainly labor, farming, logging, etc/ and singing composing music career. Once we finished that we took placement test to see how educated we were in math and reading. They needed to see which TABE test to give us. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I'm not sure where I placed in math, we don't take that TABE test until tomorrow. But I DID take the reading test, the highest level, and I needed to score 567 to pass... I got 621!!! I am SO excited. I was really nervous because I haven't seriously studied since the 7th grade, almost 4 yrs ago! I'm glad I got that over with. Now I have to do math... YIKES! Not my greatest subject, never has been. It has been a long time and I have forgotten how to do a lot of the handwritten formulas. But hopefully I'll TABE out anyway and I won't have to worry about it anymore.*Sigh* Well I have to log off now. I have 5 minutes till account and even though I'm in the building, if I'm not in the commons room I'll get counted as AWOL. Not good.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll write again tomorrow and tell you how the math test goes. Wish me luck!
Today, Monday, was rather hectic. Usually is. It's called detail day; we clean the whole entire dorm till it shines. We wake up at 6am and get dressed, go to breakfast, and clean like usual. The whole center has to be dressed, ready, and in the meeting room at 7:45am. That's where Monday morning meeting takes place where staff and student leaders make weekly announcements. It usually last about 45 min. Afterwards they call students in groups by trade and they line up A-K and L-Z to get paid (bi-weekly). I got a whopping 4 bucks! (Crappy starting pay) Then we go wherever we're supposed to go from whenever the meetings over to 4pm. When we get out at 4, we have account (like a check in, make sure you're not AWOL) at 4:30, then dinner at 5pm. After we're finished eating we have to be back in our dorms by 6 for SST's (Social Skills Training). At 6:30 we have center wide clean up, and at 7 we have and hour and a half to deep clean our rooms. That entitles sweeping, dusting, mopping, scrubbing the shower and toilet and mirrors, and organizing your closet and drawers. Everything needs to be color coded and separated. I have found that if I just keep my room clean and organized ALL THE TIME then there's really little to do and I have free time (even though we aren't allowed out of the room until room check). - And sorry Mom, if I ever move back in, I'm afraid these habits will not carry over. :) - Anyways, after room check we have half an hour before we are released, and we are put to work, each girl having a different clean up duty in the dorm. I got dusting (pssh, easy). At 9 we can go outside and have to be back in at 10 for another account, bed time at 10:30. Whew! Doesn't give much breathing room.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We (my ICL brothers, sisters, and I) went to education for the first time today after Monday morning meeting. We took trade placement tests to see where we would be most suited. Of course I scored high on Realistic and Artistic work. So mainly labor, farming, logging, etc/ and singing composing music career. Once we finished that we took placement test to see how educated we were in math and reading. They needed to see which TABE test to give us. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I'm not sure where I placed in math, we don't take that TABE test until tomorrow. But I DID take the reading test, the highest level, and I needed to score 567 to pass... I got 621!!! I am SO excited. I was really nervous because I haven't seriously studied since the 7th grade, almost 4 yrs ago! I'm glad I got that over with. Now I have to do math... YIKES! Not my greatest subject, never has been. It has been a long time and I have forgotten how to do a lot of the handwritten formulas. But hopefully I'll TABE out anyway and I won't have to worry about it anymore.*Sigh* Well I have to log off now. I have 5 minutes till account and even though I'm in the building, if I'm not in the commons room I'll get counted as AWOL. Not good.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'll write again tomorrow and tell you how the math test goes. Wish me luck!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Introduction to Center Life
It is my 13th day here on center. I'm pretty well adjusted to life here and I've got it down pretty much routine. Very basic. Wake up at 6. Breakfast at 6:15. Back in my room at 6:45. Get dressed, tidy up, do my dorm job, and I'm off to class by 7:30. Class doesn't start until 8:00 but that gives me time to hang out before the long 8 hr day. Class and stuff still isn't too regular. They still have not placed me or my ICL (Introduction to Center Life) brothers and sisters into high school or GED classes. We have to take a TABE test to see if we know basic studies. I believe that starts tomorrow. After we pass (or TABE out as they call it) they will put us into school. I've decided to get my GED classes and then I can get my highschool diploma when I graduate from Job Corps. I only have two years here and I think it's best that I get the most trades I can while I have this opportunity. Many of the students think that 2 years is a long time, and I feel like I've been here forever, but I know that they will fly by. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I came here to this Job Corps to study for my certification in auto mechanics / heavy equipment operating (HEO). Once I arrived I realized that I would be better off taking heavy equipment repair (HER), making me qualified in both operating heavy equip. and repairing diesel motors. Great!... or so I thought. As it turns out you have to be 17 1/2 to be in HER or HEO. I also am not old enough to participate in the fire crew. The center director told me something about a liability issue? What kind of excuse is that? There are plenty of ways around that. Both my parents can sign a waiver that says I may be able to take that class / participate in that activity, and if something were to happen, there would be no legal conflict whatsoever. At Sequim High, they have freshmen, 14 year olds, build cars from the ground up. All students are able to weld and use power saws, no matter how young or old they may be. The local fire dept. has a program called Explorers where young adults ages 16 - 21 are trained to be junior firefighters. They are called out to emergencies and practice with the seasoned firefighters putting out live fires on buildings and cars. They are sent into smokey buildings and high danger situations. Now please, explain to me WHY it is okay there and not here? And WHY, if the staff and counselors knew I would not be able to get into my desired trade, did they encourage me to come here? WHY do they continuously tell students that they believe in equal opportunity, that discrimination is absolutely not tolerated, yet they tell ME that I am not eligible for most of the trades here? THAT IS DISCRIMINATION! I do not have the same opportunity as all the other students. I asked the center director those questions (In front of the whole ICL class, whom all agreed with me), and he looked dumbfounded. Had no other student realized that their rights were being withheld? He told me about this "liability issue" and that the Dept. of Labor decided it. When I retaliated with tears of frustration in my eyes he said, "I can see that you are getting very emotional about this and we will have to get you with a counselor and talk about this situation later." I was so angry that I told him, "This whole thing is WRONG. Who are YOU to decided what my dreams should and should not be?". He was not very happy with that answer. Later, the center director pulled me into his office and began to speak to me like I was some emotional 16 year old girl, stuck in her own world of overdramatization. He asked me why I had thrown a tantrum and why I had made such a big issue out of nothing. I told him that he and the rest of the staff were being stereotypical. Just because I am 16 and just because I am a young woman, does not mean that my mind is clouded with boys and fairy tales. And it certainly does not mean that I am not mature enough to assess a situation and handle which direction I want my life to go. I explained that I made the decision to come to Job Corps on my own. I did all the research and signed up online myself. No one helped me. I then told him, "I came here because I needed YOUR help. I know what I want in life, but I cannot reach that goal on my own.This is my last chance to make something of myself, I will NOT let you take that away from me." He did not seem pleased that I had made such a statement with such confidence. He probably would have called it defiance. I could tell he was afraid of mutiny...------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This whole event took place 11 days ago. The center director promised that he would try and work with me and come to a compromise. Nothing has been done. I figure that he has forgotten, decided that would be so angry and frustrated that would just give up and go home, or figured that I will be too distracted by boys and school and drama that I will simply forget about the whole thing. Well he couldn't be more wrong. I may not have gone to school very long but I have had some of the best teachers in the world, my mother, my father, and my grandparents. If I was to let this go I would not be honoring all that they have taught me in the past few years. I have learned to speak up when everyone else is silent, to be brave when everyone else is afraid, to have courage when it seems things have taken a turn for the worse, and to be colorful when the rest of the world is grey. I understand now that I was put here for a reason, and it was to lead and make a path for others. If I don't stand up for myself and other young adults like me, who will?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Within the next 47 days they will try to place me into a trade that I am eligible for. Key word: TRY. They underestimate me. I refuse to be lead with the others like a flock of sheep. As my grandfather always says, I've always danced to the tune of a fiddler a little different than everyone else. And believe me, they're going to have a hell of a time getting me to dance with everyone else. I know my rights, they will be honored, and I WILL be heard.
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